Tank Police Division 195
by Kaori
Summary: singing It is finished... The battle is over....
1. Prologue

Tank Police Division 195

Prologue

The year is 2090 AD. The bacterial cloud that has covered the planet for decades has become more noxious and the people living under it are now only moderately affected by the toxic fumes. Despite all the complaints and protests of the past (never mind the present), the tank division of the police department is still going strong. There are now two thousand divisions of tank police worldwide. This is the story of one of them…

Representative Relena Peacecraft fidgeted with her portfolio in the elevator. She really hated doing this every week but it was her job as the mayor's representative to address issues that her employer was unable to do in person. Well, that was what her job description said anyway. The mayor had actually gotten tired of coming to this precinct every single week and she got picked because she was new. But there was another reason she hated to come here: she didn't believe a word she was saying.

Relena didn't believe for a second that the criminals and terrorists that attacked this city on a regular basis could be stopped without causing any damage whatsoever. Even the most efficient precincts had at least a few damaged buildings on their records, but these precincts didn't have the same crime level as this one so it wasn't fair for the mayor to compare them. Of course, she wasn't about to try and tell him that.

//Eleventh floor, time to put on my game face.//

Down on the fifth floor, one of the warrants for today's visit was drinking coffee with two other tank police officers. Captain Douglas Scot, the terror of division 195, tank fanatic, and personification of the term "trigger happy." Accompanying him today were Sergeant Milliardo Peacecraft and Officer Lucrezia Noin (usually just called Noin).

"It's time for your sister's weekly visit to the Chief, isn't it?" Scot asked the sergeant. Milliardo looked at his watch.

"Hmm, she should be there right now if she hasn't been delayed."

"Wonder what's bugging the mayor this time."

"Probably the seven blocks of damage caused by that arrest two days ago." Noin mused. "Then again, it could be that fire we caused by accident at the museum yesterday."

"You don't think it was the destruction of the mayor's statue the day before?" Milliardo put in.

"Oh you two are really funny." The captain snorted. "Anyway, I heard we're getting some new officers to compensate for the recent promotions."

"…and one firing." A woman with blonde hair done in twists approached the table.

"Hi Sally, care to join us?" Noin greeted the newcomer warmly.

"Don't mind if I do." Sally sat down in the empty seat between the captain and Noin. "I heard one of the recruits was with the Red Commandos before the division picked him up."

"The division didn't pick him up exactly." Scot corrected, sipping his coffee. "He didn't like working for the Commandos so he quit. Apparently his sister is a motorcycle cop and she told him to apply."

"How many new recruits are there and when will they be arriving?" Milliardo asked.

"Five, and they should be here later today."


	2. Meet the New Recruits

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter One: Meet the New Recruits

Staring up at the building he could hardly believe it. All those years at the academy preparing for this moment and all he could do was gape up at his assigned post, Tank Police headquarters for the 195th division, Domino City. Crystal blue eyes once again roved over the thirty story building.

//Well I won't get anywhere standing around like an idiot.// And with that resolution he straightened his new uniform and went inside.

After giving his name to the receptionist, he was directed towards a waiting room. There were four other young men in the room. The one closest to the door was a Chinese youth with midnight black hair pulled into a tight ponytail. His eyes were closed and he appeared to be meditating.

Sitting in a chair opposite the first boy, a taciturn-looking guy with the one of the strangest hairstyles he'd ever seen; bangs that defied gravity obscured half of his face, his one visible eye was focused on the magazine he was reading. By the window, a third man was leaning on the sill looking out at the city. Two things caught the blonde's attention as he observed the other person: First was the long braid trailing down his back; it had to be at least three feet long. Second were his eyes. Wide, blue-violet, and expressive; right now they seemed reflective, as if he were remembering something.

The final occupant was leaning against a wall with his head bowed slightly, just enough so that you couldn't see his face properly as his messy brown locks did a good job of hiding it. So far, his presence had gone unnoticed by the others and he decided to join the guy at the window. "That's some view." The other man turned to face him and grinned.

"Sure is. Almost makes you forget about all the criminals, terrorists, and psychos out there."

"Some people say the same things about the people in here." They both laughed. The long-haired youth was about to reply when Captain Scot walked in the door getting everyone's attention. He ran a hand through his red hair.

"oh great, they sent me a bunch of kids." He muttered. "Oh well, at least only _one_ of them is fresh out of the academy." Louder he said. "Are you the new recruits?" They nodded. "My name is Captain Douglas Scot, I'm your new Commanding Officer. You will address me as either Captain or Sir. Now let me see who's who here…Yuy, Heero." The blonde looked around to see who responded. The guy with the messy hair looked up. "You're the transfer from the military, aren't you?"

"Yes, sir." Heero replied. "I was with their tank corp. for two years."

"So why'd you leave? Says here you requested to be transferred."

"Got bored." The captain thought about that for a moment and then laughed.

"With no war to fight I would be bored too." He chuckled some more as he read the next name on the clipboard. "Winner, Quatre."

"Here, sir." The crystal-eyed youth piped up.

"You're the academy assignment, huh." Scot looked him up and down. "You remind me of that guy in the picture over there." He said, pointing at a picture with an oak frame. Underneath it was a small sign: Al Cu Ad Sulte, co-inventor of mini-tank Bonaparte. The resemblance was rather uncanny. Both had blue eyes and blonde hair, except Quatre was far more innocent looking.

"That's my great-great uncle, sir." Quatre replied.

"Really…" Captain Scot was impressed. "This should be interesting…Chang, Wufei."

"Sir." The Chinese guy replied, curtly.

"Transfer from the bomb squad. You'll fit right in here. Barton, Trowa."

"Here, Captain." The guy with the weird bangs said.

"Says here you were originally with the Red Commandos. What made you quit, I hear the pay is really good."

"I didn't like their philosophy." Trowa said simply, his voice quiet but firm.

"Well what do ya know, a guy that went through R.C. boot camp and came out with his morals. That just leaves you." The captain turned to the braided young man. "So you're the infamous Duo Maxwell." Said young man smirked. "You're the kid raised by the Hellraiser division in Fusion City." The others blinked at this and looked at Duo quizzically.

"That's me." Duo said. "Oh, and Captain Mair sends his regards."

"Good old 'Fishy' Mair! Wasn't he the least bit upset that I'm taking away his precious little boy?"

"He only swore to kill whoever made the decision thirty-seven times."

"I'll get him a new rifle, that'll calm him down. Anyway boys, you'll find that we do things a little differently here at the 195th. It's tough out there and we have to be even tougher. We are one of the toughest precincts in the entire country…"

"And we've also got the second highest rating for excessive damages!" an angry voice yelled from behind the door. A tall brunette stormed in.

"Good afternoon chief." Captain Scot said.

"Don't you 'good afternoon' me!" Chief Une screeched. "Representative Peacecraft just left here The mayor is sick and tired of you and your squad constantly destroying public and private property every time you make an arrest! We are the second most destructive precinct in the country!"

"Really?" the captain said, surprised. "Who's ahead of us?"

"Aargh!" Une howled and stomped out of the room.  


	3. Orientation

You wanted more, you got it. Oh yeah, I forgot to put in a disclaimer for this story so here it is…

Disclaimer: Screw you, you can't sue.

Now on with the fic.

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Two: Orientation

After Chief Une's little tirade, the captain decided to show them around the building. The last stop on the tour was the garage. There was a large number of tank police personnel milling about, inspecting tanks, gossiping, and playing cards. A man with long, blonde hair stopped loading shells into his tank when he spotted the captain and the new recruits; he walked over to greet them.

"Boys, this is Sergeant Peacecraft." Captain Scot said and introduced Milliardo to each of the new officers. The sergeant wasn't as surprised as his captain at the ages of the new recruits; after all, he was 18 when he was assigned here from the academy. "I'll leave them to you."

"Where will you be, captain?" Milliardo asked.

"My office." He grimaced. "Une's on the warpath so I'm going to try and appease her by doing paperwork."

"Good luck, sir." The younger man smirked as his C.O. slumped out of the room. "Well, since you are under my supervision I guess I'd better show you the tanks." The four of the five newcomers' eyes lit up simultaneously at the thought of weapons of mass destruction, the fifth was just excited to finally see the real thing.

"Wow…" Quatre gasped. "An old Tank Special. (1)"

"And in perfect working condition, too!" Duo added, after doing a quick mental assessment. "Whose is it?"

"The captain's." Milliardo said. "But it's built to be operated by three people at most. Lieutenant Noin and I are assigned with the captain to this tank"

"Wouldn't you rather be in something more up to date?" Trowa asked.

"Sometimes… but there's just something about this old thing that the newer tanks don't have." The sergeant sighed. "Besides, someone has to keep the captain from getting into too much trouble."

"He can't be as bad as Captain Mair." Duo said. Milliardo blinked in confusion before remembering that Duo had been transferred from another Tank Police unit.

"That name sounds familiar. Which precinct is he in?"

"A hundred and thirteenth."

"The Hellraisers!?" Milliardo gasped, worriedly. //Hoo boy, the mayor's gonna be getting a lot more damage claims from now on. So, he's the one from the 113th….and given his age he could only be one person…//

"Why is everyone so shocked whenever they hear that?" Heero asked, annoyed that he was out of the loop on this one.

"You don't have any police connections," Wufei stated. "so you wouldn't know that the 113th is the most destructive precinct in the entire country. They don't call them the Hellraisers for nothing…" Duo interrupted him.

"Okay, enough about that. I want to see my new tank!"

"You won't be getting a tank assignment just yet." Milliardo said. "You'll be doing an evaluation to see what type of tank you're best suited for."

"Aww man, you don't need to do that with me. Just look it up in my file."

"Sorry, standard prosecure."

"Damn…"

"Think of it this way. You have a chance to show us what the Hellraiser's Demon can do."

"Oh so you figured it out." Duo grinned. "Well since you put it that way, let's get to it!"

The simulaor room was on the sixth floor, a little way down the hall from the shooting gallery. There were nine simulators; three for each type of tank: the standard  police tank (2), the Spider tank (3), and finally the Bonaparte unit (4). "So, who wants to go first?" Milliardo asked. "The captain left instructions to test you individually in the Bonaparte and Spider simulators before seeing how you work as a group."

Wufei opted to go first and started out with the Bonaparte. The Bonaparte wasn't as fast as the Spider tank but it was highly maneuverable and a bit faster than standard police tank. After him were Trowa, Quatre, Duo, and then Heero. They all then got ready to try working together in groups of three with the standard tank simulation. When Trowa, Duo, and Wufei (the last group) got out of the simulator, Milliardo congratulated them all.

"Good job, you guys." He got a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Now let's see how you do with the real thing." Wufei, Trowa, and Heero looked at each other, Duo grinned like a maniac, and Quatre looked worried.

"Isn't letting rookies operate tanks without supervision or permission from the chief against regulations?" he asked. Milliardo looked amused.

"Technically, Winner, you are the only real rookie here, and I will be supervising." The sergeant looked thoughtful. "As for the chief's permission, I will assume that my commanding officer procured that since _he's_ the one who told me to take you out after the simulation." Now, Trowa, Heero, Duo, and Wufei all had manic grins and Quatre looked even more worried. Smart boy….

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???!! I NEVER AUTHORIZED THAT!!!" Une screamed. Quatre winced while the other new officers, Captain Scot, and Sergeant Milliardo calmly stood at full attention as their chief launched into her tirade. "IF IT WASN'T AGAINST THE LAW I'D KILL YOU!!(5)"

An hour prior to this lovely vociferation, the sergeant and the new recruits had taken two standard police tanks (Milliardo, Quatre, and Trowa in one, Duo, Wufei, and Heero n the other) and gone out into the city to get a feel of tank police duty. However, fifteen minutes and twenty-eight seconds after they had left (according to Heero, anyway), they got a call from the regular police about a gang of known terrorists having been spotted two miles from their location.

"It was our duty to respond." Milliardo said, placidly. "And to my knowledge I had full permission to take the rookies out in those tanks." Une's eyes narrowed (6), and she growled.

"That's bullshit and you and I both know it." The chief then sighed heavily and slumped back into her chair. "Unfortunately, I can't prove that you did this knowing you had no authorization so you're off the hook… for now. Same goes to the rookies." Une suddenly glared at Captain Scot. "But _you_! You I can do something with. Child Welfare department, one week, and _no_ arguments. Now get out of my office!!"

As they walked to the cafeteria, Duo let out an annoyed sigh. "What's her deal, we caught the bad guys, didn't we?"

"We destroyed three city blocks, Duo!" Quatre exclaimed.

"That's nothing compared to the damage those thugs could have done." Wufei said. "We caught them with enough explosives to take out half the city." Milliardo nodded.

"The chief knows that. It's just that the mayor doesn't care, or understand that there's going to be collateral damage when dealing with the type of criminals we have to. Especially when half of them are driving some very well-armored vehicles with really nasty firepower to boot."

Captain Scot wasn't listening to any of this. //Child Welfare…// he thought. //I'm no good with kids… How can the chief be so cruel… A week away from my officers…. A week away from my tank…// At that thought, his eyes widened. 

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

1) There was a Tank Special in the Dominion Tank Police, so I'm putting one in this fic. If I'm feeling generous, this one won't end up as spare parts.

2) Think of your usual military tank with huge wheels instead of treads.

3) Ummm…. In Dominion Crusher Police there were these new model of tanks that looked like spiders with four legs. I never found out what they were actually called so I just call them Spider Tanks, they are highly maneuverable, very fast, and seat one person. As far as I know, it's very difficult to hit them directly, you'd have to distract the pilot somehow in order to get in a good hit.

4) Bonaparte (in the original Tank Police) is a miniature tank that the main character (a female tank police officer called Leona Ozaki) has a very… umm… disturbing fixation with. That tank is her baby and she (along with Al Cu Ad Salte and Chaplain) created the SUV sized tank using the parts from Chief Britain's Tank Special (which she and Al destroyed by accident) .

5) This is going to be a recurring threat until I can think of something else.


	4. Une's Obstacle Course

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Three: Une's Obstacle Course

"Get offa that file cabinet!"

"No!"

"Come down now! Don't make me get my gun!"

It had been like this all morning: Captain Scot chasing some runaway or lost child that the Child Welfare officers brought in for him to mind. Sometimes he wondered whether the parents of some of these children didn't leave them on purpose. (1)

"This couldn't possibly get any worse." The Captain muttered. As if on cue, Chief Une herself walked in, a big smirk on her face.

"Are you having fun, Captain?" she asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I loathe you…" Scot growled.

"I'm sure you do." Une drawled. "But I outrank you so it doesn't matter."

"Do you get off on making people suffer?"

"Wouldn't you just love to know?" the smirk was back and now upgraded to wicked grin. "As much as I'm enjoying this, I didn't come here just to torment you…Well…actually I did, but I also found a way to torment your destructive new recruits and that smart-aleck sergeant of yours." Captain Scot blanched as the grin got upgraded once again from wicked to evil.

"AAAGGGHHHH!! AUUUGH!!! OUCH!! SHIT!!! DAMMIT!!" These screams and curses are brought to you courtesy of the thirty pellet guns (2) currently shooting at the five new officers and Sergeant Peacecraft.

Une had decided that some disciplinary training was in order and called in a favor to a friend of hers in the army and procured the use of the military testing ground… for prototype androids. At least she was a little humane and asked her friend to replace the lasers, bombs, high explosives, and acid traps with pellet guns, gas bombs, firecrackers, and tar pits.

The testing ground itself contained (in addition to the ridiculous amount of booby traps and mechanical snipers) a number of obstacles that you had to pass in order to get to the exit. First was a serried of assault walls of varying heights, and a maze followed by a minefield. The poor tank police officers had been assaulted with pellet guns at every wrong turn in the maze and inside the minefield, they had stepped on almost every gas-filled mine trying to escape the pellet-gun toting robots that had followed them out of the maze. After that, they had to cross a pit using a zig-zag balance beam. Falling in resulted in a tar bath, and attempting to go around the pit meant being shot at with more pellet guns.

It turned out that Officers Barton, Chang, and Maxwell had excellent balance; easily navigating the snaking beam. Sargeant Peacecraft, Officer Yuy, and Officer Winner had a more difficult time of it; they had been forced to proceed slowly and stumbled at almost every step. Duo and Wufei's taunting didn't help much either…

"Now what do you suppose we have here, Chang?" Duo asked Wufei, loud enough for the men on the beam to hear.

"I'd say onnas on a board." Wufei drawled.

"It's not… woah… funny you guys!" Quatre glared, desperately trying to keep his balance.

"It is from this end!" Wufei and Duo chorused.

"Honestly, you look like a bunch of hula dancers on a wire!" Duo chuckled.

"When I get over there I'm going to shove you into this pit!" Heero threatened.

"Nobody's shoving anybody into anything until we get out." Milliardo growled as he reached the end of the beam, the other two closely behind. "Let's get to the next obstacle."

The next hurdle was a fifty foot wall with several handholds and footholds, much like the ones used for indoor rock climbing.

"Oh man…" Duo moaned. "How many more of these stupid walls are we going to have to climb?"

"Injustice." Wufei muttered. "I'm almost positive that this violates at least four of our human rights."

"Complaining isn't going to make it go away, you know." Heero said.

"That's not going to stop us from doing it." Duo pointed out. Quatre got a grip on the handholds.

"Come on, let's get this over with." He sighed.

Halfway up the wall however…

KACHINK WHIRRRRR

"What was that?" Milliardo twitched.

"I don' know, and I don't wanna." Trowa said, worriedly. "Let's just keep climbing before… oh hell…" The green-eyed man found himself staring up the barrel of what could only be a gas gun protruding from a panel in the wall.

FSSSSHHHH

"WAAGH!" the surprise at being sprayed with mild tear gas (never mind the gas itself) caused Trowa to lose his grip. Luckily, Heero and Wufei managed to catch him as he fell past.

"Are you all right?" Wufei asked as Trowa got a grip on the wall.

"I'll be a lot better once we get out of here."

As they continued up the wall, a few more panels opened up and sprayed at the person beneath it. They had learned from the first experience, however, to tuck their heads down and hold their breath when that happened so no one else fell off the wall.

So it went, one obstacle and several booby traps followed by more obstacles and booby traps until…

"I think this is the last one." Quatre said. They had been in the obstacle course for about four hours now and they were pretty tired.

"What makes you say that?" Trowa asked.

"Well, that exit sign over there for starters."

"Ah."

"Whoever designed this thing has an unhealthy obsession with booby traps." Duo muttered. "I've inhaled so much gas I'm afraid I'll blow up if I get near an open flame."

//Une must die… Une must die.. Une must die…// Heero chanted inwardly.

"At least it's not another wall." Wufei commented. "I'm so sore from being shot at that I couldn't possibly climb another one."

"It's a pit, it's just as bad." Milliardo grumbled. "You have to climb down into it and climb back out to get to the other side."

"I can jump that no problem."

"So can I." Trowa challenged. The two glanced at each other, steely glints in their eyes.

"Geez, you sound like Academy boys." Milliardo snorted. "No offense, Quatre."

"It's all right. They do sound like stupid show-offs." Quatre sighed. "Everybody knows most of the Police Academy student body are either show-off apple-polishers, overachieving zealots, rich kids whose parents think they need discipline."

"And which category do you fall into?" Quatre chuckled at the question.

"Me? I'm a disinherited rich kid that wants to make living a little less dangerous." Duo's voice interrupted the thoughtful conversation.

"Oi! If you're gonna jump do it and get on with it, quit staring at each other like you're some kind of weird gladiators!"

"Mind your own business!" Wufei barked. Before Duo could retort, Heero swung by them and onto the other side of the pit.

"Where did you find that rope?" Milliardo demanded.

"It was there the whole time. You all were just too busy running your mouths to notice." Heero swung the rope back across the pit. "Now if you're through chatting I want to get out of here."

Sally and Noin were waiting for them outside the testing facility. "How was it?" Noin asked.

"If murder wasn't a crime, I'd kill Une for this." Wufei stated. The others grunted their agreement.

"We're tired, bruised, sore, ticked off, and hungry." Duo listed on his fingers/ "This day couldn't possibly get any crappier."

"Actually…" Sally said, hesitantly. "Une asked us to tell you that she's docking your pay for a month to help compensate for the damage you caused."

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" (3)

Two military personnel patrolling the perimeter looked up at what sounded like the tortured scream of a wild animal. Eh, close enough..

(1) Before you jump down my throat my mother was a Social Worker at one point. After school I had to hang around her workplace until she got off, so they made me keep the kids there company while they were waiting to get processed. Some of them were really awful bastards and the kid in this fic is based on them.

(2) Ever go paintballing and get shot in the ass? Imagine that kind of pain all over…

(3) It's the fanfic's theme song! ^_^


	5. Omake!

This chapter is dedicated to: Light02, Ms. Raye Sinic, Skywolf, and Tyger and Darkdracofire, but especially Slywolf without whose review I would never have been inspired to write this omake chapter.

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: The Author and Characters Discuss the Fic Thus Far

Kaori: Hello everyone. I'm glad you all could make it to this little cast meeting. Umm… we've got some good support from the people who read and reviewed and I'm feeling really good about this fic.

Une: I'm enjoying myself as well. It's not every day I get to mercilessly torture everyone else.

Kaori: Well, I've been thinking about toning you down a bit as the fic progresses. I feel like I'm overdoing the evil Chief bit.

Milliardo: I'll say you are. You could've just wrote us right into our first assignment together rather than making us go through that torture.

Duo: Yeah, I thought you loved us!

Kaori: You always hurt the ones you love…

Wufei: You must love Relena a lot then.

Kaori: (dangerously) Don't even joke about that!

Noin: Speaking of whom, I'm surprised you aren't ruthlessly bashing her in this fanfic.

Kaori: Let me set the record straight by saying I only have problems with pre-Endless Waltz Relena. The stalking and obsessing about peace annoyed the hell out of me and I prefer to believe that she got a clue after EW.

Heero: Trowa has more lines than me in this fic, what's up with that?

Noin: And Sally and I hardly got any screen time!

Relena: At least you got mentioned in two chapters, I was only in the first one.

Kaori: -_- …and the crowd turns ugly… Look, you guys, the fic just started. Let's get out a couple more chapters before we start bitching about screen time and lines.

Quatre: Why am I such a worry wart in this fic?

Kaori: Didn't I just say to relax? Anyway, you won't stay that way for the whole fic. Soon you'll be happily blowing up stuff like the others.

Quatre: If you say so.

Trowa: She just did.

Wufei: And there's another thing! Barton's out of character.

Kaori: Not for this fanfic he isn't. And while we're on the subject, almost all of you are OOC series-wise. Besides, you all know by now that I don't write canon. Now if there's nothing else…(silence) this meeting is adjourned.


	6. Active Duty

You have no idea how hard it was to right a police chase scene (brief as it was)…

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Four: Active Duty

The week went by relatively slowly; mostly because Chief Une thought that the new officers needed to get used to the garage (commonly known as the pit) and for the rest of the week they had to run detoxification on the tanks when they got back from patrol. The Captain wasn't any happier in Child Welfare but he endured if only to see his beloved tank again. At any rate, it was over which meant that the day Une was dreading was nigh; the day she had to assign tanks to the five new lunatics in the 195th.

"This is so exciting! We're finally getting tank assignments and going on duty!" Quatre was practically bouncing around the pit with enthusiasm.

"Personally I want my old tank," Duo shrugged. "but it'll be great to get back on duty again."

"Just try not to blow up anything too important." Sally said, carelessly. Trowa grimaced.

"I don't think I can take another pay cut." The others made faces at the thought.

"Here comes the Captain." Heero said. Those present saluted briefly and then, with the exception of Sally, Milliardo, Noin, and the boys (as they were collectively referred as being the youngest officers in the division), went back to what they had been doing.

"Before I announce the assignments I would like to remind you of the number one rule of the gloriousTank Police…"

"Love your tank like a brother!" Milliardo, Noin, Sally, and Duo chorused.

"Correct! We've been following this rule for eight decades and it's never steered us wrong!"

"Ah yes, all the money we save on repairs on the tanks that goes towards paying for the stuff we blow up." Noin said dryly. Milliardo elbowed her.

"Exactly!" the Captain thumped his chest, not the least bit bothered by the sarcasm. "Anyway, that's enough chit-chat. What say we get you boys to your tanks?" A loud cheer was the response.

Captain Scot led the group over to an area near the back of the pit. Two technicians were busy checking over  the tanks: one standard police tank and two spider tanks. Heero and Trowa remained outwardly impassive while Quatre, Wufei, and Duo were practically drooling over the shiny new machines of mass-destruction. "You like?" Sally asked, smirking slightly.

"We like!" Quatre and Duo chorused, grunting like cavemen.

"I don't like, I love!" Wufei practically purred. Trowa and Heero nodded in approval but it was becoming more and more difficult for them to control their enthusiasm.

"Well then, let's see who gets what…" the Captain said, taking a clipboard from one of the technicians. "Yuy and Maxwell are assigned to the spiders (1); the rest of you are assigned to the standard."

"Woo hoo!!!" Duo cheered and glomped the person next to him.

"Ack!" Trowa yelped, and pried the braided man off.

"One more thing." The Captain said. "Since Chang's reflexes tested third highest, he'll be navigating (2). Barton and Winner, you'll be gunners. You all go on patrol in two hours; get acquainted with your tanks in the meantime." Sally, Noin, the Captain, and Sergeant left the boys with the technicians.

"They're all set and ready to go." One of the technicians said. "Just try not to go overboard on your first day out. We tend to have a problem with new officers overheating the engines."

"What do you take us for, a bunch of rookies?" Duo huffed. Quatre and Wufei rolled their eyes, Heero and Trowa smirked. The tech put up his hands in a placating manner.

"I'm just trying to give you a little friendly advice. Come on, Floyd (3), let's go check the suspension on Officer Callahan's (4) tank."

At any rate, the boys clamored all over their tanks checking every nut, bolt, and feature. Heero was very impressed with the laser targeting system in his spider tank and spent most of the time trying to figure out how to up its accuracy. Duo was mentally comparing this tank with his previous one meticulously going over every detail; every once in a while he'd shrug and mutter "it'll have to do for now."

Quatre was so excited about being in a tank of his own (never mind that he was sharing it with Trowa and Wufei) that he almost fired the turret gun inside the pit. Wufei and Trowa were being as comprehensive as Heero and Duo in their inspection; memorizing every button, pedal, and lever.

Two hours didn't pass fast enough but when it did, the five leapt into their tanks eager to start. Before they could leave the pit, however, Noin radioed to inform the excited quintet that the Captain would be joining them in the Tank Special.

Rumbling through downtown Domino City, the officers of the 195th conducted their patrol. As they went along, captain Scot lectured them on the finer points of Tank Police duty.

"Furthermore, referring to Tank Police interrogation as torture is forbidden. We pride ourselves in the fact that no one can stand up to tank police questioning." He then proceeded to rant about the "glorious Tank Police." An hour into the tirade (everyone else but Quatre had stopped listening to the Captain at this point), a building exploded three blocks away. "Well boys, it looks like we'll be seeing some action today after all! Step on it Noin!"

"Yes sir!" Noin saluted swiftly and slammed the accelerator.

"Maxwell, Yuy, go on ahead and see what's going on."

"Roger." Heero replied.

"You got it, Cappy!" Duo acknowledged.

The two spider tanks sped up and left the slower tanks behind. A car came speeding around the corner and suddenly did a 180 when it was in view of the two spider-like tanks. Heero and Duo immediately gave chase.

"Smirking Demon to Fearless Leader," Duo spoke into the radio. "We've spotted a suspicious vehicle leaving the area of the crime scene. No license plates and running like a bat out of hell, currently in pursuit. Over." The radio crackled and the Captain's voice came in loud and clear.

"Roger that, Smirking Demon. We'll proceed to the crime scene and see if we can find out what happened. Fearless Leader out." Duo grinned into his sights.

"Hey Heero!" he called. "What do you think? Should we let 'em try and outrun us or take 'em out right now?" In reply, Heero blew up the car's rear tires with his lasers. "Aww you're no fun!"

"Heads up, it looks like they're going to try and run for it." Heero said as three figures leapt from the car. "I'll get the two on the left, you take the one up ahead."

"Right!" Duo cheered, then switched to the tank's Public Address system as Heero went after his marks. "Hey you! You'd better stop running or I'll have to blow you to hell!"

"You're bluffing!" the suspect screamed over his shoulder.

"What makes you so sure?" Duo laughed manically and lined up his sights. "Last chance to give up, pal!"

"Screw you!"

"No thanks!" and he fired the micro-missiles.

"Oh shit!"

A half block away…

"Give yourselves up, there' s no way you can outrun this tank." Heero said over the PA.

*KABOOM* The tank police officer glared in the direction of the explosion. Shortly following he head his fellow officer cackling like a maniac into the radio. //Baka.// The two suspects had stopped running to try and see where the explosion came from so Heero took this opportunity to fire a warning shot. The laser hit a nearby dumpster and garbage rained down on the two suspects. They looked wide-eyed at the tank behind them.

"Next time I won't miss." Heero growled. The two men quickly put their hands in the air.

At the crime scene, the Captain, Sergeant Peacecraft, and Officers Noin, Chang, Winner, and Barton were interviewing witnesses and inspecting the crime scene when they heard the two explosions.

"Please don't let that have been anything important…" Quatre prayed from where he was taping off the crime scene. Noin and Milliardo shrugged and went back to questioning one of the witnesses, the owner of the coffee shop across the street. The place that had been blown up was a book store.

"Yeah, I've seen those guys before. They were here three days ago and they'd been showing up once a month before that. Mr. Tseratopolis (5)," he motioned towards the charred shell of a building. "would always get really upset whenever they came over. It's a good thing he decided to go to lunch early today or he might've been in there when this happened."

"Thank you Mr. Johnson. You've been most helpful." Noin said, scribbling down the last statement. "We'll be in touch with you if we require anything more."

"It looks like the fire was started in the boiler room." Wufei reported, as he carefully came through what was left of the door. "Most of the damage is centered in that area. What I find odd is that they didn't take any of the money; the register and safe are still closed and locked. No signs of them being opened before the explosion."

"So we can rule out that they'd been dropping in every month to hit him up." Trowa mused.

"Not necessarily, but it does make that seem less likely. I wonder what they wanted."

"We'll find out once we get back to headquarters." Captain Scot said, climbing out of the Tank Special. "Yuy and Maxwell have caught our perps." A wicked grin appeared on his face. "Boys, you're about to get your first lesson in Tank Police interrogation techniques." Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre looked at each other.

Mwuahaha! Cliffhanger!

1) I actually have a reason for this! DeathscytheHELL and Wing ZERO are the fastest Gundams in the entire series (Epyon can't even overtake DeathscytheHELL and rates the same for speed as Wing ZERO) so it would make sense that Duo and Heero got the fastest tanks.

2) I have a reason for this too! Altron's the third fastest so I figured Wufei's reflexes would be better than Trowa and Quatre's so I'm letting him drive.

3) Named after my recently deceased dog *sniff*.

4) *giggles* Movie reference! Guess which one and get a spot in the next chapter!

5) This is the surname of a childhood friend of mine. It took me a year to learn how to spell it right without looking at her notebook.


	7. Tank Police Harrassment

It's about time I updated this thing, ne? Oh yeah, congrats to Light02 who correctly guessed that the movie reference was to Dirty Harry. Light02 will be appearing as Andy, Une's errand boy. As for those of you who thought I was talking about Police Academy, I am fully aware that there is a Callahan in those movies but I wasn't thinking about him. Besides, "Dirty" Harry Callahan is so much cooler!

_"You forgot to read your fortune cookie. It says, "You're shit out of luck."_

_"Go ahead, make my day…"_

_"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?"_

You gotta love an attitude like that!! Anyway, here is the next part. Hope you like it!

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Five: Tank Police Harassment

"You can't do that to us!"

"Yeah! We got rights, ya know!"

"I want a lawyer!"

The group that had been at the crime scene walked into the pit to find Officer Yuy casually leaning against his tank while Officer Maxwell gleefully poked at the suspects with what looked like the pole used to clean the insides of the tanks' turrets. The criminals in question were trussed up from the ceiling by ropes. Quatre and the criminals themselves were the only ones that were disturbed by the scene.

"Have they confessed to anything?" Captain Scot asked.

"No sir." Duo said, cheerfully.

"Oh good, that would spoil the fun." The three suspects paled at this. "I wonder how long it'll take them to talk."

"Depends on the interrogation method." Noin said sardonically.

"Well, I was hoping we could play piñata before we really got down to it." Duo said, still overly cheerful. Milliardo raised an eyebrow and smirked. Noin, Trowa, and Wufei also seemed to catch the implications of that statement.

"But, Duo," Trowa began slyly. "we don't have a piñata."

"Sure we do…" Duo said, slowly making his way towards the third suspect. "It's right up…HERE!" And with that, he viciously swung the pole and cracked one of the suspects in the solar plexus. The victim screamed and Quatre looked horrified.

"Oh, I see…" Trowa said, nonplussed.

"I'm not sure I remember how this game is played." Wufei mused, feigning innocence in the most malevolent manner possible. "Could you explain it to me, Captain?" The Captain smiled; his boys made him so proud.

"Why I would be more than happy to explain it to you, Officer Chang. Officer Maxwell, the pole if you please."

"Yes sir!" Duo handed the pole to his commanding officer and went to stand next to Quatre.

"Should we be doing this?" the blonde asked his longhaired friend.

"Relax, Q. It's perfectly okay. Besides, I checked the records and nobody's ever been killed by a Tank Police interrogation."

"At least not yet." Milliardo added.

"Oh no…" Quatre groaned.

"Now you see, Chang," The Captain began, nonchalantly pacing in front of the dangling suspects and waving the pole around. "the way this works is you take this here pole and…" *CRACK* Suspect number three got it in the ribs. "You keep doing that until you get to the confession inside."

"Oh…I get it now!" Wufei nodded and took the pole from the Captain. "You just swing and…" *WHACK*! Suspect number two got it hard in the thigh. Suspect number one, who had yet to be used as a piñata, took this opportunity to speak up.

"This is inhuman! You can't treat us like this!" as an afterthought he added. "Besides, you're supposed to have blindfolds when you play piñata."

"Shut up or we'll hang you upside down." Heero remarked coolly from his spot. Suspect number one blanched.

"My turn!" Noin cheered, gleefully relieving Wufei of the pole.

"No! Please don't!" The three suspects screamed in unison.

"We'll talk! Just don't hit me!" Suspect one begged. Noin pouted and put the pole down.

"I never bet to have any fun." She sighed dramatically, as Milliardo and three other officers dragged the suspects to the interrogation room.

"Well that was entertaining." Duo said.

"Entertaining?!" Quatre exclaimed. "You beat up two suspects! Procedure clearly states that we should take suspects to the interrogation room after we've run them through processing, not beat them up like we were the Mob or something!"

"Newsflash, junior. That _was_ processing." The Captain said.

"But…" Quatre protested.

"Look kid, let me tell you something. Those rules and procedures you're so fond of don't always work and usually end up causing a big revolving door to appear in front of the courthouse. Now the methods we employ may not be up to your high moral standards but they get results, and results is what we're concerned with." Quatre flinched. "In case you haven't noticed, this city is a war zone and we're the front line." And without another word, the Captain stormed off and all the young blonde could do was stare after him. Noin put her hand on his shoulder.

"He's got a point you know. We have to be tough with these guys. Not just for the victims' sake or for our own sakes, but for their own good. I for one can say for certain that even if they get let off in court, they'll think twice before they do something like that again."

"I suppose…" Quatre sighed, still not completely convinced. "I'm gonna hit the cafeteria, you guys coming with?"

"I have to write up a report." Noin said. "Lord only knows that Captain Scot only does paperwork in the face of the Chief's wrath. I'll see you all later."

"What about you guys?"

"Eh, why not." Trowa shrugged. The other three nodded in agreement.

The cafeteria wasn't overly crowded as most of the off-duty officers had gone home and almost everyone else was in the pit, on patrol, or at their desk. A lithe figure waved at them from a corner of the room; shoulder-length, black hair that never stayed in its ponytail framed his face. Eyes as blue as the sky on a clear day flashed with intelligence, wit and a little weariness. "Hi guys." He greeted the group as they joined him at the table.

"Hey, Andy. How goes it with the task master?" Duo asked. Andy groaned.

"I swear that woman needs a man or something to keep her occupied. So far she's made me go down to accounting eight times to make sure the bean counters have been doing their job correctly and as usual, the crazy brunette secretary starts hitting on me. Then, she sent me out for coffee and told me to pick up her laundry while I was at it."

"What's so bad about that?" Quatre asked.

"Une gets her dry cleaning done at Bishop's which is on the other side of town. You try pedaling a bike across town in the rain and see how much you like it." Andy scowled.

"Why don't you just take the subway?" Wufei put in.

"I prefer not to be mugged and left bleeding on the tracks, thank you." The younger man let out a long-suffering sigh. "Oh well, another two years and I'll be able to afford a motorcycle. Then I won't have to worry about any of that anymore." Duo looked thoughtful.

"Why wait that long?" he asked.

"What are you getting at? If you're thinking about me asking Une for a raise, then forget it. That woman's a real tightwad."

"No, no, nothing like that." The braided man said quickly. "What if I build a bike for you?" The others blinked at Duo in surprise.

"Really? You mean it?!" Andy gasped.

"Sure, it's no problem. I used to work in a chop shop before the 113th picked me up. But you gotta do something for me in exchange." Andy looked skeptical.

"Which is?"

"Just keep me informed of anything really big happening in Une's office."

"But what if Une finds out?! I'd be toast!"

"You let me worry about that."

"But…"

"If something happens, I'll take full responsibility."

"If you're sure…then you got yourself a deal!"

"Great! Meet up with me once my shift ends and we'll discuss the details."

"Okay then. Thanks a lot Officer Maxwell." Andy stood up and held out his hand, Duo shook it enthusiastically. "I gotta go, so I'll see you later."

Once Andy had left, Heero smacked Duo upside the head. "Idiot! What was all that about?"

"Ow!" Duo complained. "Didn't I say before that I would get my revenge on the Chief? This is a way to find my opportunity."

"So it's all about vengeance then?" Trowa asked in a bored but curious tone.

"Well, not really. I also want to help Andy out. Think of it as a mutually beneficial agreement. Why do you care anyway? You hate Une as much as I do."

"Good point." Trowa snickered. "I just hope you don't do something that'll get us all in trouble."

"Trouble is my middle name." Duo grinned.

"I thought it was Jatvoror." Heero remarked dryly. Duo turned several shades of red, grabbed Heero by the collar and shook him violently.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING READING MY PERSONAL FILE?!!"

"I didn't, I stole your wallet and looked at your driver's license."

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!"

"Jatvoror?" Wufei snickered.

"My father had an obsession with Vikings okay…" Duo growled. Heero smirked.

"You're lucky I can't pronounce your first name."

"You mean, Duo isn't his first name?" Quatre asked, confused.

"It's the short version, okay! Geez, what's the big deal!"

"Jatvoror…" Wufei snickered.

"ALL RIGHT! THAT DOES IT!!" Duo lunged for Wufei and the Chinese man jumped out of the way and ran for the door, the braided man hot on his heels screaming obscenities.

"Well that was interesting." Trowa stated. "And now I know to hang on to my wallet."

"It's a little late for that." Heero grinned evilly and flashed what could only be Trowa's driver's license. Quatre burst out laughing.

"What…*snicker* happened to your hair? HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Quatre fell out of his chair, tears of mirth streaming down his face.

"YUY!!" Trowa roared.

And I think I'll end it there. *laughs* Heero's a little pickpocket.


	8. The Mayor's Representative

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Six: The Mayor's Representative

"What's on the agenda for today, Angie?" Relena asked her secretary as she rushed into the office.

"Press conference at eleven, lunch with the commissioner at twelve thirty, and then you have your weekly meeting with Chief Une at two." Angie replied, looking at the day planner on the desk.

"Well, it's nine thirty-five now, so I'd better get as much paperwork done as I can before lunch." Relena settled herself behind her desk and pulled out the contents of her inbox. She sighed as it mostly consisted of disparaging comments about the Tank Police. "And not one reasonable suggestion as to an alternative. I guess I should be grateful otherwise my brother would be out of a job." She was about to check her email when Sylvia Noventa, one of the reporters attending the press conference and Relena's best friend in high school, walked in.

"Hey Relena!" Sylvia greeted cheerily.

"Sylvia! How are you?" Relena smiled, getting up to hug the other woman. "What brings you to this den of snakes?"

"I'm supposed to interview the Deputy Mayor about the Aerospace Tax Initiative but he had to cancel so I decided to come find you. Are you busy?"

"Nothing that can't wait. Why?"

"Well, I haven't seen you since I got back from that stint in India and I thought we could play catch-up."

"Sounds good to me. I have two whole hours to kill and I can't think of a better way to do it. How about we go to the park?"

"Two hours? Oh yeah, the press conference. Why do you have to be there?"

"Why else?" Relena rolled her eyes. "I'm one of only two female representatives for His Honor the Mayor. It would be bad publicity if I didn't show up." Sylvia laughed.

It was still rather early so the park was mostly occupied by joggers and people walking their dogs. The two young women purchased coffee from a nearby café and sat down on a park bench.

They spent the time talking about the latest events in each other's lives (mostly Sylvia's trip to India to cover the opening of a women's university there, and how when she got back she found out that her apartment had burned down), and reminiscing about the past. They would have stayed there all day talking if Relena's pager hadn't gone off.

"Time to go already?" Relena groaned, looking at the device in disgust. "Where did the time go?"

"I know. It feels like we just sat down." Sylvia stood up, cleared her skirt and looked into her purse. "Here's my card, it has my new phone number on it. Give me a call later and we'll finish this conversation, okay?"

"Sure thing." Relena  nodded, talking the card. "Well, let's get to that press conference."

The press conference was an annoyance Relena could have done without. The letters that made a daily appearance on her desk came to life in the form of the reporters asking what the mayor was doing about the Tank Police's destructive tendencies. Of course, the mayor did an excellent job of avoiding answering  the questions directly, but afterwards he made a list of things he wanted Relena to rant about to Chief Une that afternoon.

Lunch with the commissioner was even worse. The middle-aged man kept making lewd comments to the waitress and leering suggestively at her instead of discussing the budget like he was supposed to.

Now Relena was standing in front of the headquarters of the 195th trying very hard not to look irritated. //At least I can go home early today. Maybe I'll call Sylvia and bitch about today.// She stepped inside and immediately had to duck an incoming soccer ball. Immediately following said ball was a blonde-haired young man with quite possibly the cutest scowl she'd ever seen.

"I swear, you guys are so immature sometimes!" he yelled over his shoulder. "Sorry about that, miss. My colleagues seem to be experiencing a third childhood."

"Oh that's quite all right." Relena replied, picking up the ball and handing it to the young man. "I've come to expect this sort of thing whenever I come here Officer…"

"Winner." The young man said, extending his free hand. "Quatre Raberba Winner. And you are?"

"Relena Peacecraft."

"You're Sergeant Peacecraft's sister? The mayor's representative?" Quatre was impressed. Relena wasn't much older than he was.

"You know my brother?" Before Quatre could reply, four other young men came bounding into the lobby.

"Winner, give us the ball back!" the Chinese officer demanded. "Barton must experience justice!"

"Not a chance Wufei." Quatre sniffed. "You guys have brained enough people for one day."

"It'll never be enough." The tallest one said, mock-evilly.

"Trowa!" 

"We can always go back to chucking live grenades into the cafeteria if you want." The messy-haired one smirked.

"Heero!!" the poor blonde moaned. "Why do you guys insist on getting us all into trouble?"  Relena started to giggle.

"Hey, who's the lady?" the braided one asked. "If you got hit, blame Trowa. He's the one who threw it."

"It wouldn't have if you hadn't ducked, Duo." Trowa retorted. Quatre sighed dramatically.

"Duo, Heero, Trowa, Wufei, this is Representative Peacecraft. Representative Peacecraft, these are Officer Maxwell, Yuy, Barton, and Chang."

"Nice to meet you all." Relena smiled, shaking their hands.

"Sorry about the ball, Ms. Representative." Trowa said, sheepishly.

"Just call me Relena. And don't worry about it. You didn't hit me so no harm done." At that moment, Andy came running up.

"Oh, there you are Representative… hey guys."

"Hey Andy." The five officers said.

"Ms. Peacecraft, I came to tell you that the Chief's been called away on urgent business and she had to postpone the meeting until tomorrow afternoon." Andy said.

"Well I guess it can't be helped." Relena sighed, mostly from relief. After the last two meetings she really wasn't up for this today. "I suppose I'll go home then."

"But we were just getting to know each other." Duo pouted. "I know, why don't you play dodgeball with us?" Relena laughed, Quatre looked at Duo like he'd sprouted an extra head, the others simultaneously raised their eyebrows (which was quite funny to see) and immediately began sizing Relena up.

"I'm afraid I'm not dressed for the occasion." She gestured to her beige power suit.

"You can use one of my gym outfits, or if you prefer, we can raid the storage room where they keep the spare uniforms." Relena laughed again.

"Okay! Why not."

"Are you two serious?" Quatre protested.

"I know I was." Relena grinned.

"But…"

"Just because I work for a stuffy windbag doesn't mean I have to be that way too. Besides, what's a little immaturity now and then?"

"Cool! Now we can have teams! I call 'lena, and Wufei!" Duo cheered.

"Let the games begin." Heero smirked. Quatre sighed in defeat. 


	9. Omake!

Yep, you guessed it! It's the dreaded…

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: A Little Immaturity (already in progress)

Heero: [standing in front of a window, singing] I'm a little teapot short and stout! Here is my handle…

Sally: [outside, below the aforementioned window] HEERO YUY!!! YOU PULL YOUR PANTS UP THIS INSTANT!!

Heero: Mission denied! [continues to moon Sally and anyone else standing outside]

Kaori: [to Duo who is standing next to her] You are a bad influence.

Duo: [smirking] I know. Ain't it great?

Kaori: Oh yeah, the view especially. You wanna go see how Wufei's holdin' up?

Duo: Eh… why not.

Wufei: [in another room chucking water balloons at Trowa. Hilde is behind him filling up more] Take this you baka! [chucks a balloon]

Trowa: [flips out of the way] Is that the best you've got? Sylvia could throw better than you! [ducks another water balloon] Missed me again!

Wufei: Damn you, Barton! [tosses another one]

Duo: [walks in] Hey Trowa! Having fun?

Trowa: Sure. [dodges] Wufei couldn't hit the broadside of an Aries.

Wufei: Stand still and say that!

Trowa: Hmmm… I think not. [is hit from behind with a water balloon] HEY!! [turns around and is smacked in the face so now he's completely soaked] *sputtering* Kaori?! You traitor!

Kaori: Oh-ho-ho! I don't recall being on your side to begin with!

Wufei: Ha! Barton got drenched by an onna! [is hit with a water balloon] INJUSTICE!

Kaori: Now, now. Laughing at other people's misfortune is unjust as well.

Duo: She's got you there, Wu.

Heero: [suddenly runs by followed by a mob] AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!!! FWUAHAHAHA!!!

Duo: [blinks] How did those fangirls get here?

Kaori: I guess someone decided to do something about Heero mooning people.

Trowa: [looks around] Hey, where's Quatre? I haven't seen him all afternoon.

Kaori: [evil grin]

Scene change. The hall closet.

Quatre: [muffled] Let me out of here!


	10. Mayhem, Motorcycles, and a Madcap Office

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Seven: Mayhem, Motorcycles, and a Madcap Officer

Sergeant Milliardo Peacecraft walked through the hall in deep thought. The suspects, despite agreeing to talk, when asked who they worked for would only say, "ask the Keeper" and then outright refused to reveal anything else. Growling in frustration, he opened the door to the motor pool only to get a soccer ball in the face.

"Uh oh…" the unmistakable voice of Officer Barton murmured, leaving no doubts in the sergeant's mind as to which group of officers was responsible.

"Who threw that?" Milliardo demanded. The last person he expected to see (after Chief Une of course) stepped forward. "Relena?!"

"Hello Milliardo." The younger Peacecraft said with all the dignity she could muster. Her brother scowled.

"Report Maxwell because I know you're probably responsible for this."

"Technically speaking I can only claim on seventh of the responsibility." Duo stated.

"Explain."

"Well… I only suggested that Relena play with us. She didn't have to agree and none of the others made any real effort to stop her. Besides which, Relena threw the ball that hit you." Milliardo blinked.

"Maxwell's odd logic strikes again." Sally smirked as she entered the pit.

"He could probably talk circles around the mayor." Relena snickered, then her pager went off. "Speak of the devil…" she sighed. "I'd better go and find out what he wants. It was great meeting you all."

"Bye Relena." Quatre smiled, shaking her hand. The others did the same (except for Duo who hugged her) and Milliardo suddenly snapped out of his slight stupor.

"Don't think you're off the hook, young lady!" he yelled after her. She waved a hand dismissively and continued on her way. As soon as she was out of sight, the sergeant whirled on the five younger officers.

"If I catch any of you with my sister again…" the threat wen unfinished as a voice sounded over the PA…

"Attention all on-duty officers, head out to sector 48-D and block all exits. Situation level two, group of robbery suspects in a semi-truck are being chased towards 48-D by the 184th and three motorcycle officers from the 181st. I would say not to confront them but we all know that's not gonna happen…"

"Damn right!" someone yelled from his tank.

"…so just try to be a little discrete about what you blow up."

As the announcement repeated itself, Wufei looked over his shoulder as he entered the hatch and noticed that Milliardo and Noin weren't getting into the Tank Special.

"Aren't you guys coming?" he yelled over to them.

"Nope. We're off-duty." Noin sighed, disappointedly. "Besides, we can't go, the captain's not here and he's our driver."

"Sorry you have to miss out on all the fun." Wufei smirked. The senior officer rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm so sure…"

"So, any idea who's going to be watching the block in 47 and 49-D?" Trowa asked his teammates as he checked over his panel.

"The 190th and the 189th." A voice said helpfully from the radio.

"Andy? What are you doing on the chief's frequency?" Heero asked.

"Well, the chief's not here yet so I thought I'd keep tabs on you guys." The young man replied. "Besides, I have some extra information about the robbery."

"And just how did you get a hold of that info?" Quatre asked disapprovingly.

"Come on, Q. Leave the poor kid alone." Duo said, as he checked his sights. "So what have you got for us, Andy?"

"The articles they stole are extremely high grade guns. Mostly high-power rifles and automatic weapons. Also, they've managed to get their hands on about six crates of armor-piercing shells, so watch it."

"I thought they only made those shells for tank turrets." Trowa said, slightly puzzled. "I didn't think they made any for rifles."

"They don't. I don't see what they wanted them for if all they stole was rifles and hand guns." Heero said. "Thanks for the heads up, Andy."

"Don't mention it." Andy said.

"The entire squad was spread out around the area that their colleagues were herding the suspects towards. They would be arriving at their location in ten minutes so everyone was doing last minute checks to be sure that their weapons were functioning correctly. A few seconds after the ten minutes were up, the world around them became a war zone.

The truck the suspects were driving skidded into the area followed by three motorcycles and four standard police trucks. The 195th soon found that this was no ordinary semi-truck as someone had taken the liberty of outfitting it with two cannons and a laser.

"Well now we know what the armor-piercing shells were for…" Quatre said to no one in particular.

The motorcycle officers immediately took cover behind the tanks as the suspects started firing.

"Man, what lousy aim. What are they shooting at?" Duo said. A stray shot hit his spider tank and almost knocked it over; luckily he was positioned next to a building. "Hey! Watch it!"

"Quit heckling them and concentrate on your own aim." Wufei admonished.

Twenty minutes passed and not much progress had been made. Quite a few of the tanks were badly damaged and had to pull out of the fight. The truck hardly had a scratch on it. They needed to get closer, but how?

"I'm going to try to get near the truck." Heero said. "Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa lay down some cover fire. Duo, you flank me."

"Copy that, Heero." Duo replied, positioning his tank behind Heero's.

"Roger." Wufei acknowledged as he positioned the turret gun while Trowa and Quatre prepared the side guns.

Maneuvering through the firefight was no easy job since the two spider tanks not only had to dodge the shots coming from the truck, but stray fire from the other tanks as well.

//I almost wish I had the heavy armor plating the standard has, but this spider was built for maneuverability not to be a semi-stationary cannon…// Heero took a quick glance at his monitor and what he saw almost made him crash. //What the hell is that guy up to?! Is he nuts?!//

One of the motorcycle cops had managed to sneak up to the truck and was clutching what appeared to be a grenade.

"Oh crap…Duo! Pull back, we've got a problem!" Heero yelled into the radio. "See if you can get the others to cease fire as well!"

"What? Heero what's going o… Oh my God! What is that guy doing?!!!!"

The next few moments seemed to go in slow-motion. The mystery officer pulled the pin on the grenade, broke the window on the driver's side, threw the grenade into the truck and then ran like mad in the same direction Heero and Duo were retreating to. All fire from the truck stopped as the suspects frantically tried to get away. The truck exploded and the world was bathed in white.

When the dust settled, eight of the tank officers went to apprehend the suspects. Two others went to call fire and rescue, and everyone else kept the area secure. Heero and the others took this opportunity to find the lunatic that had the grenade.

He was standing a few feet away from the still-burning tank and brushing himself off; the explosion having knocked him to the ground. His helmet was slightly scorched. Heero grabbed his arm and turned him around. "What the hell were you thinking? We could have all been killed because of that stunt you pulled!" The motorcycle officer wrenched his arm from Heero's grip and removed his helmet so he could be heard properly. A cascade of golden hair fell down once the headgear was removed.

"Holy shit!" Duo exclaimed.

"It's an onna!" Wufei added. The officer put her left hand on her hip and tucked her helmet under her right arm.

"Shut your mouths boys, you're attracting flies." She mocked. 

Ayamachi: No one's reviewing, why are you still writing this?

Kaori: I'm not writing this fic for the reviews, I'm doing it to see if I can write something that isn't strictly humor that isn't poetry.

Ayamachi: Then why are you posting it at all?

Kaori: [getting annoyed] How am I supposed to know if it's any good if I'm the only one reading it?


	11. Biker Girls and Mischievous Guys

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Eight: Biker Girls and Mischievous Boys

"And the Chief has the nerve to call _us_ reckless." Trowa muttered. "What were you thinking throwing a grenade into a truck full of weapons and ammunition?"

The Miscreants from the 195th had been introduced to the Banes of the 181st; three officers, all female. Hilde, a spunky young woman with dark purple-black hair, was the rookie of the three. She still wasn't quite used to her partners' quirks. At the moment, she was looking very nervous.

Trowa was very surprised to see his sister Catherine there. While he knew that she worked in the 181st motorcycle division, he never expected to run into her on-assignment. Catherine was equally surprised but seemed to recover faster than her brother and was coolly observing the scene unfolding before her.

The "grenade-wielding psycho" as Wufei called her, was called Dorothy (1) who was currently engaged in a glaring contest with Heero. "The shootout was going nowhere and I have better things to do than stand around and waste ammo." Dorothy quipped, not breaking eye contact with the ex-soldier.

"At least we're not going to get chewed out by the Chief this time." Quatre sighed. "Besides, aren't you guys overeating a bit? I mean, the blast really wouldn't have killed us since we were in the tanks…" he trailed off as Heero, Duo, and Wufei glared at him.

"That's right, and my partners were already behind the other tanks so the only lives I risked were my own and the stupid criminals', so lay off." 

"Dorothy's right. There's no point in making a big deal about it." Catherine agreed, shooting a glance at Trowa daring him to disagree.

"Uh, guys, shouldn't we go back to the station?" Hilde said. "Our job is done here, and the cleanup crew just arrived so we should go back and file a report."

"Hilde, you really need to learn the finer points of goofing off on the job. We just got done with this bust and we're entitled to a little break. Besides, we don't really need to be back right away."

"Every time you say that we get in trouble."

"Name one time we've gotten in trouble for not going back right away."

"There was the time after the Fogerty Robbery when we ended up in that car chase with the guys from the 190th and wrecked are bikes, and the time we went for coffee after the 78th street bust and Dorothy go shot in the arm by a guy trying to rob the place, and then there was the time when…"

"I said _one_ dammit!" Catherine huffed, earning snickers from Dorothy and the guys. "Wipe that grin off your face, Trowa Barton (2)." Trowa turned around but you could tell by the way his shoulders shook that he was still laughing. "You're such a jerk!"

"Now, now." Dorothy tisked. "Don't take your frustration out on your brother. Just because you don't see the humor in it doesn't mean you get to spoil everyone else's fun. Besides, I want to go back and tell everyone how the bust went."

"Oh wonderful, now we get to hear you bragging all afternoon." The clear-eyed girl rolled her eyes and moved towards her motorcycle. "See you around boys, and Trowa, you are so in for it when I get home." Dorothy and Hilde also said their goodbyes and the three of them sped off to the 181st.

"You know, for a maniac with strange eyebrows Dorothy's kind of cool." Duo commented.

"She's a reckless idiot is what she is." Heero muttered.

"You're just mad because she stole your thunder." Wufei smirked.

"Bite me, Chang."

"Ooh! I struck a nerve! Soldier-boy can't stand not being in the spotlight!"

"Shut up!"

"All right, knock it off." Trowa said, before either of them could start a fight. "Shouldn't we be heading back to HQ?"

"Yeah, let's go back you guys." Duo said. "Besides, I've got stuff to do…" Hearing that, Quatre immediately began to worry for his job security.

Back at the 195th, Chief Une, Captain Scot, Sargeant Peacecraft and Officer Noin were discussing the Tseratopolis arson case thus far. The prisoners they had been interrogating earlier still refused to divulge anymore information but some new information was obtained from one of Mr. Tseratopolis' employees.

"So what do we do now?" Officer Noin asked. "All we have to go on so far is that Mr. Tseratopolis is being threatened by someone who wants his property bad enough to burn the place down."

"Easy, we track down Tseratopolis." Captain Scot snorted.

"And where do you propose we start looking?" Une said. "Nobody knows where he is or where he could have gone to. The man has never been out of this city in his life and none of his out-of-town relatives have seen him."

"Oh…right…I knew that." Chief Une and Officer Noin rolled their eyes.

"So what would you have us do?" Milliardo Peacecraft asked as his captain muttered to himself.

"Right now there isn't much of anything that we can do but wait." Une leaned back in her chair and took off her glasses. "In the meantime, keep checking up on Tseratopolis' relatives. He's bound to contact _one_ of them or one of them might remember something. Just keep your eyes and ears open. I also want you three to check out the store again. We may have missed something earlier because of the debris."

"Yes ma'am." Scot, Noin, and Peacecraft saluated.

"Dismissed." The Chief sighed and leaned even further back into her chair. //Something big is going on, I can smell it…// She reached into her desk for a pen and came across an empty pocky box. "Who's been eating in my office?"

Relena was somewhat annoyed at having to go back to the office. She had really been looking forward to going home and having a long soak in the bathtub. "Alas, it was not meant to be." She muttered sarcastically. Absently she turned up the volume on the radio. After a while she started singing along with it.

"All alone/But I'm in a crowded room/I'm sinking, in quicksand tonight/You pick me up/And I shine across the sky till morning/ Then you color me in/Guess it won't amount to much/Seems to me I've lost my touch/I'm back in line/Don't believe a thing they say…today/Turn around and walk away/Everything will go your way, I pray/Seems we all get lost amongst the pigeons and the crumbs." (3)

The office was abuzz with excitement as various interns and secretaries bustled about making appointments, canceling and rescheduling meetings, and taking paperwork to various offices. Angie rushed up to Relena looking more than a little worn out.

"Angie, what's…" The secretary cut her off.

"Sorry, Relena but you have to go see the mayor right away. He insisted that I send you to him the moment you got here." She said, hurriedly shoving the representative through the oaken double-doors.

The mayor's office was an expansive room with beautiful oaken furniture and several paintings of landscapes. The large window looked out towards the city center. A rather rotund man with a mop of wild, red (and graying) hair was pacing around the room, brown eyes occasionally darting towards the window. Relena gave a little cough to make her presence known. "Oh, there you are Relena."

"Mr. Mayor." Relena said, as cordially as she could manage.

"I suppose you're wondering why I called you here?" Relena stayed silent and waited for the mayor to continue. "We just got word that a very important diplomat is visiting this city on his tour of the country and is arriving in two days. I called you in because his son is accompanying him and we need somebody to keep her entertained as he will, most likely, not be visiting the same places as his father."

The young woman fumed. //He called me down here just to make me baby-sit some rich brat?! We have liaisons for that, why is he making _me_ do this?! He knows I'm supposed to have the weekend off…// The mayor continued, totally unaware of his subordinate's inner ranting.

Meanwhile, at the 195th, Une was busily going through the reports of the day. Her concentration was completely on the stack of papers in front of her, so she didn't hear the ceiling tile being removed until it was much too late…

*BLOOSH*

Une screamed as the freezing cold water hit her from above, then roared in outrage as the water seeped into her clothes. Apparently, three was a decent amount of bleach in the water because the color in the fabric ran and spotted. "AAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!"

"Ah, music to my ears…" Captain Scot sighed contentedly as the screams echoed through the precinct.

"You like it? I call it 'Maxwell's Revenge Symphony – Part One'" Duo smirked as he lowered himself from the ceiling.

"Baka." Heero snorted from where he sat on the gun turret of a tank.

"You do realize that Une'll probably kill you." Trowa (who was in on the joke) chided mildly.

"How's she going to know? Besides, I only removed the ceiling tile, Wu's the one that poured the water on her." As he said this, Wufei dropped down from the ceiling.

"Well it's not as grueling as the torture she put us through, but I feel better." The Chinese man smirked.

Quatre sighed from where he was sitting. //I wonder what tomorrow will bring…Why do I think it will be similar?// (4)

(1) Anyone who did not figure this out from the last chapter will be dragged out into the street and shot before the next installment.

(2) In my story Catherine's last name is Barton as well because I didn't feel like doing any extraneous explanations.

(3) Natalie Imbruglia "Pigeons and Crumbs"

(4) This line was brought to you by The Totally Mental Misadventures of Edward Grimly.


	12. A Lead, a Mysterious Man, and Hog Riding

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Nine: A Lead, a Mysterious Man, and Hog Riding!

Andy strolled down the halls in a fairly successful attempt to look casual. Une was on the warpath since Duo's revenge. Truthfully, he felt a little bad about the Chief's clothes being ruined, but that quickly passed as he recalled all the time she made him retrieve said outfit from the cleaners.

Another thing he had to be glad about today was that Officer Maxwell had finished the motorcycle he promised Andy. Basically he had gotten an old bike from the scrap yard and fixed it up even better than new. The older man had wondered why the owner had thrown it away in the first place when the frame and most of the engine were still in good condition. Andy chalked it up to vanity. The bike had probably belonged to some spoiled brat who would rather get a new bike than fix the old one.

Further up the hall, Sally and Trowa were hauling some stuff from the evidence room. "What's all that?" Andy asked as they approached.

"Une wants some guys to take another look at this stuff from the Tseratopolis arson case." Sally replied, shifting the box she was carrying in her arms. Captain Scot, Sargeant Peacecraft, and Officer Noin are back at the scene getting some more. Chief Une thinks we may have missed something under all the rubble. Most of the large articles have been cleared out so now they can get a better look."

"Meanwhile we're stuck playing pack mule." Trowa groused.

"Welcome to my world." Andy said sarcastically. "Ummm, do either of you know where Officer Maxwell is?"

"He and the others are in the cafeteria."

"Thanks!" Andy rushed off down the hallway and headed for the elevator.

"What's he so happy about?" Sally inquired. The tall man smirked.

"I'll tell you one of these days."

It turned out that Heero and Quatre had left the cafeteria around the time Trowa had; Wufei and Duo were still there, however.

"You've got to be shittin' me!" Duo exclaimed.

"I shit you not." Wufei smirked.

"Do you think you could make me one?"

"If you fix my car for me I'll show you how to make 'em yourself. (1)"

"You've got yourself a deal Wufei my man." Duo turned around to see Andy walk through the door. "Hey kid! Come to pick up your new bike?"

"Hey Officer Maxwell, Officer Chang." Andy greeted.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Duo? There's no need to be so formal with me." Duo admonished.

"Sorry, force of habit."

"Ah well, let's go get your bike. You comin' with, Wufei?"

"I may as well." The black-haired officer shrugged, and followed the pair to the elevators.

Elsewhere, Noin, Zechs, and Captain Scot were going through the rubble with a fine-toothed comb.

"I still don't know what Une's expecting us to find in here…besides burnt books that is." The captain muttered.

"hey, we might find a clue to who this 'Keeper' person is." Noin said optimistically.

"Or maybe even a copy of the latest issue of 'How to Kill Magazine'(2)." Zechs teased.

"We would be so lucky…" Captain Scot snorted, kicking a rather charred copy of 'How We Know What Isn't So' by Thomas Glovich. It landed in a corner, and knocked over a stack of equally (if not more so) charred books.

"Now sir, there is no need to vent your frustrations on innocent literature." Noin mock-scolded as she picked through the burnt remains of a desk. She pulled out a slightly scorched, green, leather-bound journal. Curious, she opened it.

The first few pages were blank, but flipping through the book some more revealed, upon closer inspection, traces of words. Noin frowned and continued to leaf through the book, more words were on the next set of pages but less clear. She sniffed the pages. "Lemon juice?" she mused aloud. "Hey captain do you have a cigarette lighter?"

"I didn't know you smoked, Noin." The captain murmured, tossing last month's copy of 'Doilies and You' over his shoulder.

"I don't, I think I've found something. It looks like the old guy kept a journal."

"So what do you need a cigarette lighter for?"

"The writing's in lemon juice. (3)"

"Eh? Say what?!"

"There she is." Duo waved his hand dramatically towards a midnight blue motorcycle, the paint job begging to have hands run over it.

"Wow…" Andy breathed. "It's just…wow…"

"I must admit, Maxwell that that's a pretty amazing job you did." Wufei breathed in awe.

"If you think the restoration job is good, wait until you see how it runs." Duo was obviously pleased with the reaction he was getting.

As the three pored over the motorcycle, a car pulled up four parking spaces down. A man stepped out two minutes later.

He was rather tall and wore a long, brown trench coat. Underneath that was a gray business suit. The three tank police employees stopped what they were doing to watch him as he walked; a purposeful, self-assured, almost regal stride. His hair was hidden under a felt hat and his eyes by dark sunglasses. He gave a cursory glance towards the three other men and then went into the elevator.(4) It was a little while before anyone spoke.

"is it just me, or is that guy kinda creepy?" Andy asked in an almost whisper. Before either Wufei or Duo could answer, Heero came in with an amused look on his face.

"Duo, your stuff is here." He announced.

"Already?" Duo smirked, forgetting about the stranger in the trench coat for the moment. "Looks like we'd better get set up then."

"Do I even want to know?" Andy sighed, absently rubbing his hand over the seat of his new motorcycle.

"You probably do, but you're better off _not_ knowing." Duo replied. "Where's Trowa?"

"Evidence room. Why?" Heero asked.

"Because this is a four-man hob and Quatre probably won't help us. Enjoy your bike Andy! C'mon guys, let's get Trowa and get on with part two of my Revenge Symphony."

It turned out that Trowa couldn't get away from evidence room duty yet, so the three delinquents were stuck convincing Quatre to assist them. The blonde was adamant at first, but (with a little cajoling and a few death threats) he joined the band of pranksters.

"This is stupid." Quatre muttered, shifting uncomfortably in the saddle.

"Oh c'mon  Q, live a little!" Duo said, adjusting his hat. At that moment, Wufei came running into the hallway.

"Une's coming." He reported.

"Great! Heero, if you would be so kind…" Heero smirked and turned on the portable stereo he was carrying.

"YEEHA!!!!" Duo whooped as he and Quatre spurred their mounts into the hallway.

Chief Une walked purposefully through the hall, skimming through a reasonably sized stack of papers she was carrying. The people in accounts were really starting to tick her off. The sound of bellowing hogs and strains of the song 'Rawhide' were the only warning she received before she was mowed down; the papers scattered across the hall and Une sat up just in time to catch a glimpse of two figures wearing cowboy outfits and mounted on large hogs disappear around a corner (5).

"HELP!! Get me off of this thing!" Quatre cried, not enjoying the rather bumpy ride in the least.

"Yippee kai yi yay! Get along little hoggy!" Duo cheered. The whooping and hollering continued as they passed the evidence room. Trowa, wondering what all the noise was, poked his head out the door just as Quatre and Duo zoomed by.

"You two are nuts, you know that?!" he yelled to them.

"Wasn't my idea!" Quatre yelled back. Une came barreling down the hall a moment later.

"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…" she screamed.

"Ride like the wind boys!!" Trowa yelled. Inside the evidence room, Sally shook her head as she made a note in the catalogue.

"Never a dull moment around here." She sighed.

(1) What are those two talking about? That's a mystery even to me at this point.

(2) Heh heh, that magazine is actually part of the Tank Police universe and does not belong to me.

(3) When I was a kid, my friends and I used to write messages to each other in lemon juice. If you use enough of it, when you ran a hot iron over the paper, the message would appear! 

(4) Okay smart alecks, guess who this guy is!

(5) Stampede!!! LOL


	13. Omake!

And now it's time for…

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: Let's Play Wuss!

Kaori and the cast of TPD195 are sitting on the floor in a large circle playing Wuss (1). They're quite buzzed. Noin looks around the circle and suddenly looks right at Hilde.

Noin: Wuss!

Hilde: (raises an eyebrow and looks where Heero and Andy are sitting) Fucker…

Noin: (looks at Quatre) Wuss!

Quatre: (looks at Wufei) Wuss!

Wufei: (glares at Quatre) Douche bag!

Quatre: (looks at Sally) Wuss!

Sally: (looks where Trowa and Kaori are) Fucker.

Noin: (looks accusingly at Dorothy) Wuss!

Dorothy: (coolly looks at Heero and raises an eyebrow) Wuss.

Heero: (lopsided Death Glare at Dorothy) Douche bag.

Dorothy: (looks at Kaori) Wuss!

Kaori: (looks at Milliardo) Wuss!

Milliardo: (looks at Trowa): Wuss.

Trowa: (looks at Duo) Wuss.

Duo: (smirks at Trowa) Douche bag.

Trowa: (looks Catherine straight in the eye) Wuss.

Catherine: WHY YOU LITTLE.. (throws knives at Trowa but misses him)

Trowa: Ha! You screwed up! You have to drink now!

Catherine: Yeah, yeah, shut up about it… (takes a swig from the bottle of sherry next to her)

Relena; I'm tired of this game. Let's play something else.

Wufei: How about Beeropoly? (2)

Une: Nuh uh, that takes too long.

Sally: I've Never? (3)

Duo: We always play that. What about Who Shit?

Kaori: Every time we play that I get beat up. Why don't we play Kill the Rabbit? (4)

Andy: 'Cause we'll end up naked and passed out in the park again.

Noin: I say we play Smile. (5)

Everybody else: HELL NO!!!

Kaori: Are you trying to turn this into a hentai fic?

Noin: Yes.

Kaori: -_-;;; Let's just play Multi. (6)

Quatre: I'll get the cards!

To be continued in the next omake!

1)  The basic rule of this game is "you can't wuss a wuss, and you can't look a fucker in the eye." In more detail: One player begins by looking at another player and shouting "Wuss." 

The next player has three options:

"Wussing" another player than the one who called him (That player then must call something) Saying "Douche Bag" while looking at the player, in the eye, who called him a wuss. (The other player again has control) Saying "Fucker" and looking away from the player who called him. (The original calling player must then call again.) 

As with any drinking game, if you screw up, you drink. This is best played with people you know and don't mind when you call them names.

2) It's Monopoly…with beer instead of money. Hooray beer! Actually I don't like beer although it is good to wash your hair in it every once in a while.

3) If you don't know what this game is you ought to seriously re-examine your childhood.

4) If you value your liver, don't EVER play this game with alcohol. Actually, I'm not even sure you could classify it as a game; more like an excuse to get horribly drunk. To play you need a paper sack, something to weight the sack with, a bottle of Mad Dog (or other horrible, cheap alcohol) and people. 

Stand in the circle (preferably outdoors - see last step). The bottle of Mad Dog should be put in the paper sack and weighted so that you can't see or judge by weight how much is in the bottle. The bottle is passed around the circle and each person takes as large of a drink as they can. A player may reverse the direction at any time. 

The person who finishes the bottle smashes the bottle on the ground, "killing" it. The next to the last person to drink buys the next bottle. 

**Singing of "Kill the Rabbit" (hence the name of this game) is optional.  It makes it worse, and the players more nauseous. I usually play this game with Mountain Dew or Root Beer because I really can't stand the taste of alcohol after I've had a certain amount.

5)  HENTAI DRINKING GAME!!! I'm not going to even tell you the rules for this for fear somebody will go play it.

6) This is a game composed of a number of other games and drinking activities. It is a super game for a large group, and getting to know people. Standard supplies are required: people, beers, and cards.

All 52 cards are randomly spread face down across the table. Play begins by the first player flipping over a card and placing it in front of him/her. Each card corresponds to a fixed course of action. After the action is completed, the next player flips over a card, and this continues until every card has been turned.

You can decide what games or 'actions' you wish to assign to each card, but here is a pretty acceptable guide to follow:

            Card        Game

            =====       ===============

            Ace         Buzz

            King        Categories

            Queen       Questions

            Jack        Rhyme

            10          BIG DRINK

            9           Social

            8           Sentences

            7           Letters

            6           Rule

            5           Name Game

            4-2         Drink Face Value

Refer to the rules for each game. Play only one round to complete the action. Here's the summaries of the rest:

BIG DRINK: Whoever draws a ten has to go get a new drink for this one. The two players seated adjacent to the 'big drinker' will count alternatively (back and forth) from 1 to 10. The 'drinker' must keep drinking until the 'counters' reach 10 or the drinker finishes the drink. 

Social: Cheers. Everyone has a drink.

Rule: The player who draws a six gets to make up any rule they wish. When the rule is broken, the offender takes a drink. The rule lasts until the last card is flipped or is abolished by another rule.

Drink Face Value: The person who drew the card must take how many drinks the card says, 2, 3, or 4.


	14. Thursday Afternoon Coffee Break

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Ten: Thursday Afternoon Coffee Break

"How goes it, Captain?" Sally inquired as she stopped at Captain Scot's desk with a stack of papers.

"It goes nowhere." Scot growled from behind an even bigger stack of papers. "I have to finish this paperwork before quittin' time or the Chief's gonna send me to Child Welfare again."

"I'd offer to help, but I have to give Une my paperwork right now."

"Couldn't you give me a hand afterwards?" Captain Scot pleaded.

"Oooh, sorry but I'll be on my break. Good luck, sir!" and with that, she walked off.

"Damn you, Po!"

Down in the tank pit, Noin, Milliardo and all the officers on break were enjoying what was deemed 'Tank Police Interrogation,' the most popular form of entertainment in the division. This afternoon's contestant/victim: a man called Zura who was arrested for murder, assault with a deadly weapon, and three counts of breaking and entering; and that was just today. He was being restrained by two officers on a makeshift stage.

"Hi everybody!" a perky female officer dressed in a bunny outfit (1) waved enthusiastically at the eager crowd. "I'm Officer Gina DeFreitas and it's time to play Wheel of Misfortune! Allow me to introduce today's host, Officer Jim Greenley!" A redheaded officer in his late thirties walked onto the stage.

"Hey it's great to be here! So who's ready to play?" a chorus of cheers erupted in the pit.

As Jim rattled off the 'contestant's' rap sheet, Heero and Trowa came in and stood by Noin and Milliardo.

"Did we miss anything?" Heero asked, eagerly.

"Nah, they're just getting ready to start." Noin grinned.

"All right everybody!" Gina smiled. "Place your bets as to how long you think this joker will last!" A few officers went around getting wagers and then the real fun started.

A wheel was brought out with a random assortment of painful, yet non-lethal (most of the time anyway) torture techniques. Gina spun the wheel animatedly; Zura remained impassive as the pointer landed on 'Salem-style Water Torture (2)'.

"There's one we haven't seen for a while, Jim!" Gina smiled.

"Quite true, Gina!" Jim nodded. "While Officers Maconber and Leone tie up Zura here, let's pick a member of the audience to play the mini game!"

"How about…Lieutenant Wilson! Come on up here Dave!" A man in his late thirties walked up to the platform as two other tank policemen wheeled in what looked like a dunk tank. "Okay Dave, here's how our mini game works: I have two dice. Roll 'em and that's how many times we dunk this bastard into the water. If he holds out the entire time you get 10 times the amount you rolled. If he talks, you get nothing. Are you ready to play?"

"I sure am, Gina!" Lieutenant Wildon said, casting a malicious grin at Zura. "You'd better not talk, I need the money."

"Roll the bones!" Wilson blew on the dice and rolled them onto a small table. "A two and a three! That means five dunkings for our guest here!"

"Hey wait a minute!" Zura protested. "You can't do that! It's against my human…" the rest of the sentence was cut off as he was plunged into the tank. Twenty seconds passed before he was hauled out of the water only to be dunked back in again five seconds later.

"By the way," Trowa turned to Noin, ignoring the protests of the tortured man. "who was that guy that came here yesterday?"

"Which one? A lot of guys came in here." Noin replied.

"The one that wasn't in handcuffs."

"The really creepy looking guy." Heero added.

"Oh, _that_ guy." Noin said. "I dunno. He seemed to have an appointment with Chief Une though."

"Really? I wonder what about." Trowa mused. "Oh, hey. Looks like Dave just one fifty dollars." Heero and Noin looked back up at the stage where Lieutenant Wilson was happily counting his money; a very waterlogged Zura glared at his tormenters.

"Well it looks like it's time to spin the wheel again!" Gina enthused as she gave the wheel of woe a spin. "Round and round it goes! Where it stops… well we'll soon find out!" The wheel slowed to a stop and landed on…

"Fun with Live Grenades!" Jim cheered.

"Is that safe?" Heero asked Milliardo.

"Well, no one's been killed…yet." Milliardo said negligently.

"Ah." The suspect was secured (kicking and screaming) to a wheel and a grenade was stuffed into his mouth.

"It's time for our second mini game." Jim continued. "Who is our next contestant, Gina?"

"Why it's none other than our favorite little rookie: Officer Quatre Winner!" Gina said, dragging the blonde onto the stage.

"But…" Quatre began to protest. Gina bento over to whisper in his ear.

"Loosen up a little. It's all in good fun and no one's going to get hurt. Besides, you might find that you like this." Quatre sighed in response and said he'd give it a try. "That's the spirit!"

The game worked as such: Quatre was to spin the wheel that the helpless suspect was strapped to as hard as he could. At some point, the grenade (and possibly the grenade pin) would fall out of Zura's mouth. The wheel itself was separated like a roulette wheel with slots worth various prizes. Wherever the grenade landed that's what the player won. If the pin comes out of the grenade in the process, whatever appendage/body part it landed near would theoretically get blown to kingdom come.

Upstairs, on the third floor, Wufei and Duo were missing out on all of the fun. They had been assigned to Mr. Tseratopolis' journal in hopes of finding a lead. So far they had learned nothing useful.

"This is so boring." Duo groaned. "We've been at this for four hours now and still no idea as to who ordered those guys to blow up the store or why, not to mention where Tseratopolis ran off to."

"So far we've just been looking at the early entries to get some background info on Tseratopolis." Wufei muttered. "Let's start with what we know right now. We know that Tseratopolis has lived in this city all of his life. He married young and had four kids."

"His wife died fifteen years ago." Duo continued. "Three of his kids got married, the other one died when he was fourteen. Cause of death: a severe allergic reaction to jellyfish venom (3)."

"Angeline, the eldest, is married to Peter Kersner, an artist. They have no kids but they do have a little terrier called Mishi."

"Tania, the middle child, married Eric Vicor and they have a son called Matthew. They live in Sussix, England." Duo hummed. "That leaves the youngest, Christopher."

"He got married to an onna called Naomi and they live in Lacter City. They've got two kids, twins, and three cats." Wufei made an annoyed grunt. "The family travels a lot because Christopher works as a corporate liaison and Naomi takes the cats to shows."

"Dull, boring, and beside the point. Why don't we stop for now, get something to eat, and come back to this?"

"Fine by me." Wufei replied, stretching. He almost fell over when an explosion rocked the building's foundations. "What the hell was that?!"

The people who could currently answer that question were, at that moment, either grumbling about losing money, collecting their winnings, passed out, or laughing like idiots.

"Oh my God!" Heero wiped a tear from his eyes, he had been laughing that hard (4). "Did you see the look on that guy's face?!" Trowa, who was still trying to catch himself, could only nod weakly through his laughter.

What had happened was this: Midway through the spin, the grenade had come out of Zura's mouth and made its merry way around the wheel. The wheel slowed, the grenade landed in a slot to the right of Zura's head. It was then that they noticed that the grenade was missing its pin. No one except the suspect and Quatre seemed to care as the latter had just won himself a fifty dollars. While this was being celebrated, the suspect started confessing rapidly (even to things the police hadn't known he was responsible for). A split second before the grenade exploded, a hatch below the grenade opened and shut and the grenade was dropped into the unused sub-basement of the building that had been used to store seized explosives. The grenade exploded, the suspect fainted, and the Tank Police got their confession. A nice wrap-up for today's coffee break.

On the other side of town, the man who had visited the 195th the previous day was standing in the living room of a well-decorated penthouse apartment. A shorter and less-muscular figure sat with his hands clasped in front of him. "Well Rashid, how is my son?"

"His emplyer said that he's been adjusting quite well to his position, Mr. Winner."

"I see…"

1) I don't know about the rest of you girls, but I kinda like wearing a bunny outfit. ^_^;;;

2) Okay, during the Salem Witch Trials one way to determine whether or not someone was a witch was to dunk them into water repeatedly until they confessed.

3) That's what almost killed me once. It's _not_ pleasant in the slightest.  My skin itched, I couldn't  keep any food down, it was hard to stay awake, and my head felt like someone pried my brain loose and it was sloshing about in my head. I got treated before I started to have trouble breathing but I was sick for weeks.

4) I know it's hard, but try to imagine Heero laughing like a normal human being.


	15. Father of Mine

Many thanks to everyone who reviewed. There's a lot more fic to come as soon as I figure out how to write it, and please be on the lookout for another experimental project of mine called "Silvermask" (it's a Bond parody) a new chapter of "The Flipside with Kaori", and of course more QFF. Oh yeah, and Silver, I'd love to do a cameo in your fic; I'm honored you asked!

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Eleven: Father of Mine

Today, Duo was on patrol with Heero so Trowa was the one who had to read the journal with Wufei.

"Duo was right, this is boring." Trowa yawned.

"Yeah well, police work isn't all glamorous." Wufei said. "Now suck it up and keep reading."

"Bah… How long until those two get back, and why isn't Quatre suffering with us?"

"Another two hours at least. Noin and Lieutenant Peacecraft are supposed to relieve us if they get caught up in something. As for Quatre, he had something to take care of."

"They'd _better_ not get caught up in something." Trowa growled. Wufei laughed at him. "I'll kill 'em both if I find out they were having fun while we were in here dying of ennui." Wufei laughed at him.

"You must learn perseverance, grasshoppa."

"Ha ha ha…"

Elsewhere in the building, Quatre was in Une's office. One of his father's employees had visited the other day to inquire about him and request that he be given a message. After reading the note, the young tank officer was visibly upset.

"My father is requesting that I see him." Quatre all but growled.

"Well, you're not on patrol tomorrow. You can take the time to see him then." Une said, quietly.

"Thank you."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Thank you, but no. It's my problem, I'll deal with it."

"I understand."

In another sector of the city, Heero and Duo were in hot pursuit of a pair of some thieves that had managed to get their hands on a police tank that was in the shop for repairs.

"These guys sure don't know when to quit." Heero said over the com.

"At least we know that the main gun's busted. That's good news for us since they can't blow anything up with it." Duo replied, then he swerved his tank to avoid some laser fire. "It isn't preventing them from using the laser guns though."

"Stay on 'em. There are only two rear guns on that tank and the side lasers have a limited range. If we can get next to or in front of them we can force them to stop." The radar beeped alerting him to three smaller vehicles approaching them both from the rear. "What the.." His external view allowed him a glimpse of three motorcycles as they caught up to him.

"Hey! Fancy meeting you boys here!" Catherine's voice hailed over the police frequency." We were in the neighborhood and thought you might need a little help bringing these guys in."

"And we were bored." Dorothy added. "So can we play too?"

"Do what you want, just don't get in our way." Heero said, accelerating his tank.

"Friendly guy…" Hilde hummed.

"Well he didn't say no." you could here the smirk in Duo's voice as he also sped up. "Think you can distract those bozos while we take a shortcut?"

"Is the Pope Catholic?" Dorothy laughed.

"Here we go again." Hilde sighed.

The criminals thought they had managed to deter the tank police and had slowed down slightly. Not missing a beat, the three motorcycle officers got into a triangle formation around the stolen tank: Dorothy and Catherine on either side and Hilde at the rear.

"Hey boys, slow down. We want to talk to you for a minute." Catherine called to the thieves.

 "No way. You sound cute and all, but you're still a stinkin' cop." Came the response from within.

"I was trying to be nice and you go and call me names."

And what are you gonna do about it? Those dinky bikes can't even scratch this tank!"

"Who said we were going to do anything?" Hilde asked, teasingly. Two laser cannon blasts fired at the tank's treads as the three ladies backed off from the pursuit. The stolen tank, having no way to move, ground to a halt. Up ahead, Duo and Heero's spider tanks aimed at the immobilized vehicle.

"Now are you going to come out," Duo said. "or are we going to have to blast you out?" The hatch flew open and four sets of hands popped out.

"Well, it looks like they have some sense after all." Heero smirked.

Around the same time, young Master Winner was outside his father's penthouse apartment waiting to be granted entry. Rashid opened the door. "Your father will see you now."

Quatre stepped into the large room. The drapes were half drawn to block out the noonday sun. Mr. Winner was standing in front of the window, hands clasped behind his back. He turned around slowly, eyes narrowing in slight annoyance as he saw that the blonde was wearing his police uniform. "Did you have to come dressed like that?"

"I might be needed and I wouldn't be able to go in civilian clothes." Quatre replied, stepping further into the room. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"

"I wanted to ask you one more time to take on the company when I'm gone."

"Father…"

"Hear me out." Mr. Winner interrupted. "Quatre, you must have heard about your cousin, Hasim's passing. With him gone I have no one else to pass on the company to."

"That's not true and you know it." Quatre said evenly. His father gave an exasperated sigh.

"You know full well I can't hand the company over to one of your sisters."

"Father, Chaand, Hadiya, and Sadira are far more suited to run the company than I am."

"I'm not saying that they are incapable of running the company, but think of how it would look…"

"How it _looks_?! Father look around you! Winner Enterprises Incorporated is the only company in the entire country that has never had a female president because of that silly family tradition you're so fond of. Don't you think that makes your company look bad?! You're so worried about what the rest of the family will say when…"

"Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man!"

"See! That's what I've been trying to get at. You're just like uncle Daa'im and the rest of them; you're so unwilling to change that you don't see that it's keeping you from better things. Sadira has some really great ideas, but you won't listen to them because you're worried about what the family will say. Chaand is excellent with accounting and Hadiya runs one of the best marketing firms in town, but you ignore them because they're women. The only reason you want me to run your company later on is because it'll please everyone else."

"That's not true, Quatre. I only want what's best for you. I'm only trying to look out for your future interests."

"And therein lies the problem. The thing is, you're idea of what's best for me and how I feel are completely different things. You think that having me run your business would be best for me but I don't belong there. I've never belonged there." Quatre moved so he was standing in front of the window with his back to his father. "The tank police was the only place that I felt where I was really needed after mom died. I'll never be happy pushing papers and cutting deals dad, I know you're worried about losing me; mom was a tank officer too and… well you know..."

"Quatre…"

"I've made up my mind father."

"No, it's just that… that's the first time you've ever really spoken up for yourself."

"What?"

"I guess, you've grown up and I hadn't noticed until now." Mr. Winner turned so that he could stand next to his only son. "You're mother would have been proud."

"You think so?"

"I know so. I guess I have been very selfish about this. I thought that once you went to the Tank Police Academy you'd get all thoughts about being in the tank police out of your system and come back. I never considered that you were serious about it or that you weren't doing it because you felt you had to finish what your mother started. I was wrong. But, I want you to know that I'm here if you need me, and… I'll seriously consider what you've said."

"Thank you."(1)

Meanwhile…

"Eureka! I think I've hit pay dirt!" Wufei exclaimed. Trowa rushed to his side.

"Really?"

"Yeah, check this out. It says here that whenever those thugs came in to threaten Tseratopolis they were always accompanied by an onna. Guess what they always called her?"

"Keeper! Finally this case may actually be starting to get somewhere!"

1) I was going for stupid melodrama and ended up with cheesy sap. At least, that's how I feel about that entire scene. As for why I even bothered with it, I needed to clear up some issues from back in chapter three. 


	16. Finding the Keeper

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twelve: Finding the Keeper

"Well, we've finally got a lead on this stupid case." Captain Scot muttered. He hated long cases almost as much as being sent to Child Welfare. "Do we have a description of this woman?"

"According to this kid that used to work part time at the store," Noin said, "she was 'drop dead gorgeous with legs that went on forever, blue-black hair, gray eyes, and a tattoo of a double helix on her ankle.'"

"How'd he manage to get a look at that?" Milliardo asked.

"She was always wearing daisy dukes(1) and sandals and she liked to sit on the counter whenever she came in with those guys. Our informant is with the sketch artist right now, so we should have something we can use to ID her."

"Excellent." The captain said.

Further down the hallway, Relena was in her weekly meeting with Chief Une. "I know I say this every week, Chief…" Relena sighed. "but it's my job. The mayor is very concerned about the amount of structural damage caused by your department."

"I realize that the damage is rather… excessive, but as I keep saying there isn't anything we can do about it. We only get in when the criminals are using heavy artillery that can't be counteracted by normal means. If it isn't us causing the damage it's the criminals, and when they do it it's a hundred times worse. However, the mayor must concede that the crime level has dropped by six percent."

"The mayor would argue that the insurance rates have gone up twenty-seven percent and the population ahs dropped by .7 percent." Relena sighed. "But as you said, it can't be helped. The thing of the matter is, the mayor doesn't think that's true. I'll try to talk to His Honor about it but you know how that usually goes."

"No, don't bother." Une sighed. "The mayor only likes to hear two things: that he is right, he is going to be reelected." Relena nodded ruefully.

"Well, I've said all I was going to say." Relena stood up and straightened her skirt. "It's time for me to head back."

"I suspect I shall see you next week."

"It wouldn't surprise me."

"Hey Quatre, Wufei and I are going to the coffee shop on 73rd, do you want to come?" Trowa asked. Quatre looked up from the papers on his desk.

"Sure, but what about Heero and Duo?"

"They're waiting for us in the parking garage. We're taking Heero's car."

"Ah." As he stood to leave with Wufei and Trowa, Quatre noticed Relena coming down the hallway. "Hi Relena, how are you?"

"Oh, Hello Quatre, Trowa, Wufei. Same as always I suppose. How are you all?" Relena asked, seeming relieved at seeing the three young men.

"We're all just fine. We were just going to get some coffee." Trowa said. Would you like to join us?"

"I'd love to but I have to go to a meeting on the mayor's behalf while he's at that conference downtown."

"Oh well, perhaps next time."

"I'll see you all some other time." Relena waved and headed for the elevators.

"Let's go tell the captain where we're going." Wufei said. "Then we can head down to the parking garage."

Heero and Duo were patiently waiting by Heero's  blue SUV.

Now you may be wondering what one person needs with a vehicle that big. Truth be told, after driving tanks for the military for three years, Heero never got used to driving small cars again. It always made him feel a little claustrophobic. At any rate, while the two officers were waiting Heero had been trying to convince Duo to outfit his car with a few… special features.

"For the last time, Heero, I'm not going to put a rocket launcher in your trunk." Duo protested.

"Aw c'mon Duo!" Heero begged. "Just a little one!"

"No!" Trowa and the others stepped out of the elevator at that moment.

"What's all the noise, boys?" Trowa asked nonchalantly.

"Soldier boy wants us to outfit his trunk with a rocket launcher." Duo rolled his eyes.

"You're nuts, Yuy." Quatre deadpanned.

"You all just have no imagination (2)." Heero said. "Anyway, are we going now or what?"

The 73rd Street Café (known as Ricardo's) was always frequented by police officers, fireman and the like, which was why our boys weren't surprised to see Dorothy, Hilde, and Catherine there as well. The latter waved them over to the table that the ladies were sitting at.

"Fancy meeting you guys here." Dorothy smirked. "Are you here for the coffee or the waitresses?"

"What kind of guys do you take us for?" Trowa asked, feigning offense. "The waitresses of course." Catherine playfully smacked him upside the head.

"Bad boy, no biscuit for you." She chided, her brother mock-whimpered sending the little group into a giggling fit. A waitress came over to take their order and the guys failed miserably at not ogling her.

"Man, you weren't kidding about the waitresses, Doro." Duo whistled, as the woman left to get their order.

"Down boy." Dorothy muttered. "Don't make me ask one of those firefighters to hose you down."

"Yeah, you all act like you've never seen a woman before." Hilde teased.

"That was no woman, that was a goddess." Trowa sighed.

"Did you see her eyes?" Wufei asked, dreamily. "Like twin pools of liquid silver…"

"I don't know, she gives me a really weird feeling…" Quatre said.

"That's what's supposed to happen when gorgeous women are around." Heero smirked. "It's called lust."

"It wasn't that kind of feeling!" Quatre turned bright red.

"You guys are hopeless." Hilde rolled her eyes 

Once the coffee came, the conversation went to more sedate topics. Mostly about what was going on in other divisions and who got promoted. They were in the coffee shop for almost an hour before they had to head back to their respective stations. Dorothy and Catherine wanted to stay out a little longer, but Hilde insisted that they didn't need more lectures from their captain.

The drive back to the 195th was uneventful and Captain Scot was waiting for them when they got back to the pit.

"How's it going boys?" he asked.

"Fine sir." Heero replied. "Is there something you need to talk to us about?"

"We got a break in the case. We need to keep an eye out for this woman." He showed them a copy of the composite sketch and their jaws just about hit the floor.

"Unbe-freakin'-lievable…" Duo said slowly. "That's…"

"…the waitress from Ricardo's." Wufei finished.

"I _knew_ there was something weird about her." Quatre mumbled.

"You saw this girl? When?" Captain Scot demanded.

"Just now, at Ricardo's on 73rd street." Heero replied. "What's going on, Captain?"

"That girl has a connection to the guys from the arson case; they called her Keeper."

//The girl from the journal.// Wufei and Trowa thought simultaneously.

"Winner, call the dispatcher and tell her to get a hold of the regular police at the 70th street precinct. Tell them to get a couple of guys over to that coffee shop and get that girl in custody."

"Sir." Quatre saluted and rushed off.

"Barton, go tell the Chief what's going on, Yuy find Officer Noin and Sergeant Peacecraft and inform them of our situation. Maxwell, Chang, check your tanks over and prepare to move out when they get back."

"Sir." The four saluted and went to do as instructed.

//It's about time we had some luck (3) in this case…//

1) Batty riders to you Jamaicans, poom-poom shorts to you Bahamians.

2) Fine thing for Heero to say, isn't it? I love OOCness…

3) Some call it luck, I call it plot contrivance.


	17. Omake!

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: Multi

When we last left the omake section, the cast and authoress were drunk and getting ready to play Multi. Apparently, between that omake and the last three chapters of the story, they've managed to become somewhat sober again. They are sitting in a circle.

Catherine: I was the last one to drink so I get to go first. [she walks over to the pile of cards and picks one up] Five of spades.

Wufei: Name game. [passes around the glasses] Remember we play only one round. If you finish your drink before you can think of a name the game is over and we go on to the next one.

Catherine: Fine. Okay…umm…Brad Pitt.

Quatre: Patrick Stewart.

Relena: Umm… [drinking while trying to come up with a name] Sandra Bullock.

Dorothy: Ben Aflleck.

Noin: Adam Sandler.

Milliardo: [forced to drink while trying to think of an actor whose first name starts with an s. Failing that he drains the glass]

Kaori: Guess that means you have to pick the next one, Milli.

Milliardo: Don't call me that. [takes a card from the pile] Eight of hearts.

Dorothy: Sentence game. Excellent, I'm good at this one. Start Mr. Milliardo.

Milliardo: It

Sally: was

Wufei: a

Trowa: dark

Kaori: and

Duo: stormy

Heero: afternoon.

Andy: You mean night, don't you?

Heero: No, and you said more than one word.

Andy: Aw crap… [drinks and goes to pick up a card] Four of diamonds. Oh great… [Kaori pours him four drinks, which he chugs. Andy then picks up another card] Ace of hearts.

Duo: Buzz! Woo hoo!

Andy: Ready? [everyone nods] One

Catherine: Two

Quatre: Three

Relena: Four

Dorothy: Five

Noin: Six

Milliardo: Buzz

Noin: Eight

Dorothy: Nine

Relena: Ten

Quatre: Buzz

Catherine: Thirteen

Andy: Buzz.

Catherine: Fifteen.

Quatre: Sixteen.

Relena: Seventeen

Dorothy: Eighteen

Noin: Nineteen

Milliardo: Twenty.

Sally: Buzz.

Milliardo: Buzz.

Sally: Twenty-three

Wufei: Twenty-four

Trowa: Twenty-five

Kaori: Twenty-six

Duo: Twenty-seven.

Heero: Buzz.

Duo: Twenty-nine.

Kaori: Thirty

Trowa: Thirty-one

Wufei: Thirty-two 

Sally: Thirty-three…oh crap… [drinks] Guess it's my turn to pick…[takes a card from the pile] Two of spades. [takes two drinks and picks up another card]. Eight of diamonds, looks like we're playing the sentence game again…

How long will it take for them to get through the entire deck? Stay tuned to find out!


	18. Hide and Seek

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Thirteen: Hide and Seek

Trowa and Wufei came back with Noin and Milliardo in tow. A few moments passed before Quatre returned.

"What's the news, Winner?" Captain Scot asked.

"The 70th regulars are sending a couple of officers over to get Keeper, Captain." Quatre replied.

"Good, then we'd better get over there too."

"May I ask why?" Heero inquired.

"Let's just call it screw-up insurance. Now mount up, and I want everyone to keep the secondary radio tuned in to the regular police band so we can monitor the situation."

"One thing about his case bothers me." Quatre mused en route to the 70th's precinct. "Why are we still on this case at all? Isn't arson more along the lines of the regular police's jurisdiction?" 

"That bothered me as well so Heero and I did a little research." Trowa said. "It would appear that Tseratopolis isn't your ordinary elderly bookstore owner. He used to design explosives for Megaton Industries, Inc.."

"So whoever ordered those goons to blow up the book store wants some explosives made, that still doesn't explain why we're involved."

"Think about it like this:" Wufei said. "The kind of explosives Tseratopolis used to make are custom jobs that use some rather pricey ingredients that only a large corporation like Megaton can afford. Whoever is trying to get to him must be really high up in the underworld's food chain, otherwise there would be no point in even bothering the old man."

"In other words, the regular police can't handle it because they wouldn't have a chance." Trowa nodded. "People like that usually have powerful connections to the black market and can buy weapons the regular police aren't equipped to handle. On the other side of the spectrum, the military can't be asked to step in because, let's face it, crime lords aren't their problem."

"So it falls to us." Quatre sighed. "But, wait a minute, exactly how did you manage to get that info on Tseratopolis?"

"heer was military and I was with the Red Commandos, you do the math."

"You hacked the database?!"

Before the taller man could answer, the secondary radio flared to life announcing that Keeper had managed to escape from the regular police, stolen a car, and was making for the warehouse district. Once the message had repeated itself, the Captain broke in on the main radio.

"All right, head for the warehouse district. We can't let that girl get away. I _knew_ the regulars would screw up, bunch of incompetents…"

"Oddly enough, that's what the regulars say about us." Wufei muttered.

"That's what everyone says about us." Quatre snorted.

At the warehouse district, a lone figure leapt out of her stolen vehicle; the sound of approaching police sirens adding to the panic she was feeling. Mind reeling and heart pounding, Keeper ducked into the first building she came across. The regular police arrived a few moments later. Shortly thereafter, came the crew from the 195th.

"I give you lot a simple task and look what happens." Captain Scot said to the members of the regular police. "Honestly, letting an unarmed individual steal a vehicle from you. Have you no pride?"

"She wasn't unarmed! She stole my gun from me!" one of the regulars bristled, instantly regretting it.

"That's even worse! I'd lecture you but we've wasted enough time as it is. Everyone except Maxwell spread out and search the area!"

"What should I do then?" Duo asked.

"You get on the radio and tell the dispatcher to have this area blocked off. Then I want you to call back to HQ; update them on the situation and then join the search."  
  


"Got it." And he jumped back into his tank while the captain rushed off to join the hunt.

This particular warehouse area had four buildings: a main building, two storage buildings, and one that housed a generator.

"Sure is dark in here." Quatre muttered. He and Heero had teamed up to search the main building.

"We can't risk turning the lights on." Heero whispered. "We might alert the suspect to our presence."

"But we don't even know if she's in here. Turning on the lights would make her easier to find and we might startle her into revealing herself."

"Point noted. Let's see if we can find a light switch."

It was a good forty minutes before they were able to locate the main power switch. "Let there be light." Heero quipped as he flipped the switch. The room remained dark.

"God you ain't." Quatre snickered. Heero pointed his flashlight directly in Quatre's face. "Aagh! You bastard!" Heero only chuckled evilly and pulled his half-blind friend out of the room.

Trowa and Wufei had been through most of the first warehouse around the same time Quatre and Heero were looking for the light switch. So far they had turned up nothing but some rats, mice, and the occasional cockroach.

"Wonder what they used to store in here." Wufei said, it wasn't a question, more like idle conversation.

"Whatever it was they didn't want to leave it lying around." Trowa replied. "All of the boxes are empty." A sharp cry came from above them followed by voices yelling and footsteps pounding on the metal catwalk. "Sounds like they found Keeper. Come on!" Both men barreled up the stairs. Wufei radioing everyone else.

The lithe form of a woman tore across a catwalk, the regular police hot on her heels. She clutched the Beretta she had stolen tightly to her chest, silently praying she'd have no need of it. Down the steel steps she ran, knocking both Trowa and Wufei out of the way. Deciding that she wasn't moving fast enough if the tank police had tried to cut her off at the stairs, she jumped over the railing. Keeper landed on something soft…

Heero and Quatre had rushed over as fast as they could when the radio call went out. The warehouse Wufei and Trowa were in wasn't far from their location and they entered, guns drawn. They never expected an ambush from above as a shapely figure landed right on top of Quatre. Heero, reacting on reflex, trained his gun on it.

"Oh great…" the young woman groaned.

"Put the gun down, and then get your hands where I can see them." Heero ordered.

"What about me?" Quatre grunted. "This isn't exactly a comfortable position, Yuy!"

"One thing at a time." Was the smug reply.

"Sadistic bastard…"

"You know, there are plenty of guys who would pay a fortune for me to sit on them." Keeper said blandly.

"That may be true, lady, but right now I'm sure not one of them." Trowa, Wufei, Duo and everyone else came running over at that moment, and trained their guns on the dark-haired damsel.

"All this fuss over me? I'm flattered." She chuckled mirthlessly as a nervous officer retrieved his stolen gun from the ground.

Once they were all back at the 195th, Keeper was put in a holding cell to await questioning. In the meantime, Captain Scot and company went through the task of finding out just who Keeper was.

"Anything yet, Sally?" Noin asked.

"She's not in the city database so I'm going to start checking the national ones." Officer Po replied. "It's going to take a little while to match her fingerprints." Une walked in carrying a folder. She shoved it into Captain Scot's hands.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Paperwork. Get on it." Une demanded and walked out without any further discussion.

"Looks like she's not giving you any chance for excuses, captain." Milliardo said. "I think you'd better get started, sir."

"I know, I know." Captain Scot grumbled. "Keep an eye on things here and let me know of any new developments." He walked out dejectedly.

"Don't be so glum, sir." Noin called to him. "At least we didn't blow anything up today."

"Don't say that so close to quitting time, Noin! You'll jinx us!" Milliardo exclaimed. As if on cue…

KABOOM!!!!!!

"BARTON! MAXWELL!! YUY!!!" Chief Une's enraged cry echoed through the station.


	19. One Step Forward

A little note to Silver before we begin: I wouldn't say there is an explosion in every chapter (although your right, it wouldn't be TPD195 without them), but if there isn't an explosion one or all of the following happens: there's a prank pulled on Une; an exasperated Quatre; Sally, Noin, or Zechs being a smart-ass (if your lucky all three in the same chapter).

(Uncle voice) One more thing… The prototype beginning for Silvermask has been written and it may be up in two months.

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Thirteen: One Step Forward…

Chief Une walked crisply through the halls towards the somewhat underused interrogation room. Andy had just informed her that Keeper had just finished giving her statement to Sergeant Peacecraft and Officer Winner; the latter chosen at the request of Keeper herself, who said she wouldn't talk "unless the cute little blonde she landed on" was present. Une decided to humor the young woman for now as she needed all the information she could get. Presently, that information could only be gotten from the unedited report that was in the interrogation room at this moment. She opened the door to find Keeper smirking at Quatre from one end of the table that she and the two tank police officers were sitting at. Sergeant Peacecraft was also smirking at Quatre; the younger blonde putting a recording disc and some notes into a manila envelope. Une cleared her throat. "Oh, hello Chief." Quatre said, saluting.

"Is there something you needed?" Milliardo asked.

"If you're done with the questioning, I'd like to have the tape and Quatre's notes." Une said, placidly.

"Yes ma'am." Quatre said, handing her the envelope.

"So what am I supposed to do now?" Keeper asked.

"You are going to be put under protective custody until either myself or the D.A. comes up with a better idea. However, I haven't quite figured out where you should be placed yet, so you'll have to hang around here until then. In the meantime, Sergeant Peacecraft and Officer Winner can handle the initial processing procedure."

"Peachy…"

"Isn't it though." And with that, Une left.

"is she always like that, or am I just special?"

"Nah, she's usually this bitchy." Milliardo replied, blandly.

"Sarge!" Quatre exclaimed.

"What?" Milliardo smirked. "You expect me to lie?"

"No, but you shouldn't say such things."

"Exactly why I say them. Besides, as long as the Chief never finds out there's no real harm done."

"But still…"

"Excuse me," Keeper interrupted. "As interesting as this is, isn't there something you should be doing right now?"

"Oh yeah, it's lunch time isn't it?" Milliardo grinned.

"I think she meant the processing for protective custody." Quatre said, glaring at the senior officer.

"Which would you rather do right now? Boring paperwork or have lunch?"

"Hey, I'm all for eating lunch!" Keeper said, smirking slightly.

"There you see." Milliardo said triumphantly.

"I'm surrounded by goofballs…" Quatre moaned.

"Better a goofball than a stick-in-the-mud." Keeper chided.

"Look guys! Quatre's got a girlfriend!" Duo jeered as Quatre, Keeper, and Sargeant Peacecraft walked into the cafeteria.

"Shut up Duo." Quatre growled, fighting down a blush. Keeper latched onto his arm.

"You know you like it." She purred, and nuzzled his neck.

"What is this, torment Quatre day?"

"How could you possibly call that torment?" Trowa snickered.

"Et tú, Barton?"

"Lighten up, Quatre. We're just having a little fun with you." Duo said.

"Oh don't mind him, he's been like that ever since the Chief made him help me interrogate Keeper here." Milliardo said.

"Faline." Keeper corrected.

"Beg pardon?" Wufei blinked.

"My name is Faline." Faline said.

"Then why did those guys keep calling you Keeper?" Heero asked. Faline stood up and sauntered over to where Heero was sitting.

"Take a good look at me." Heero let his eyes travel up the woman's form, lingering a little longer than appropriate on her chest before continuing. (1)

"Stupid question…" he squeaked. 

"Faline Layla Colwell." Une read outloud. "Alias: Keeper. Born September 5, 2069. Family: one older brother named Peter. All other relations deceased. Faline says that her brother's gang was contracted by one of the big fish in the underground to threaten Tseratopolis. They got paid a great deal of money for the job, too. Correspondence between the big boss and the gang was done via a go-between so no one had no real idea of who they were dealing with… no one except Peter who decided to find out on his own."

"So the little fish were hired by a big fish to threaten the old man. But where does the arson come in?" Captain Scot asked.

"Apparently the threats weren't working too well so the big boss decided it was time for more drastic measures. The gang members were to wait out of sight near the book store until Tseratopolis went out to lunch. The majority of them were to set the place on fire while two of them accompanied by two of the boss's goons trailed Tseratopolis. Once they got to a secluded enough spot they would take the old man somewhere." (2)

"So the old guy didn't run off…"

"He was kidnapped."

"Does Faline know where they took him?"

"No, but her brother might."

"Any idea where he is?"

"No clue. The only one who knows where he could be is Faline and I really doubt that she'll tell us her brother's probable whereabouts. Looks like it's back to square one again."

"Aw hell…"

Back in the cafeteria…

"So where are you going to stay?" Trowa asked Faline.

"Hey, I know, she can stay with Quatre!" Duo leered. Quatre spit out his coffee.

"WHAT?!" he bellowed.

"Well why not?"

"Yeah blondie, why not?" Faline asked.

"First of all, don't call me blondie. Second, my place is a one-bedroom apartment." Quatre stated hotly.

"So what? We'll share the bed."

"There's no way I'm sharing a bed with you!"

"Fine, you can sleep on the couch." Quatre sputtered incoherently as his friends laughed. Fortunately for him, Captain Scot chose to make an appearance and save him from further embarrassment.

"Miss Colwell…" Captain Scot started.

"Just call me Faline. That 'miss' stuff makes me feel old."

"Faline then. The Chief has decided that you will be staying in one of the overnight rooms and meals will be provided. If you feel you need to leave the station you must be accompanied by a tank police officer. Also…" the captain took out a syringe.

"Hey now…" Faline protested.

"Relax, it's just a nano-tracker." Wufei said.

"What, don't trust me?" she accused as the captain injected the tracking device into her arm.

"Not as far as we can throw you." Captain Scot said. "It's been my experience that the beautiful ones are the most dangerous."

"Flattery will get you everywhere."

After all the paperwork was done, and Faline was thoroughly searched, Quatre and Duo showed her where she would be staying.

"Well at least it's a nice prison (3). It's even got a TV." Faline commented. The room itself wasn't much bigger than your average college dorm. There was a small closet, a bed with two pillows and a blanket, a television set, a counter, a small desk, and a chair.

"All the comforts of home." Duo waved his arm around the room. "Well, just about… The place could use a kitchen and a couple more rooms."

"I don't mind. I can't cook anyway. Everything I try to make ends up being Cajun food."

"Attention all on duty personnel. Robbery in progress at the Macht Research Center!" announced the PA.

"Back to work." Quatre shrugged. "You get settled and if you need anything, call up someone on the intercom. See you later, Faline." He shut the door behind him as he and Duo left.

"Yeah…later." Faline sighed, sitting on the bed and turning on the television.

(1) Our Heero is a little pervert…*snicker*

(2) Guess how long it took me to come up with that one? Seriously though, does that seem a bit contrived to you?

(3) Stole this line from Blue Seed.

Additional author's notes: Is it me, or is this starting to look like a 4xOC. I seriously never intended for there to be any romance whatsoever, how did that little bit of innuendo get in there????


	20. Why I'm Here

I want all of you to do me a favor and warn me if Faline starts turning into a Mary Sue.

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Fifteen: Why I'm Here

Faline flipped through the channels feeling very much bored. She'd been in tank police custody for almost two weeks now and she was very much missing the excitement and adventure of the outings with her brother's gang; most of all, she was missing her brother. She had never been away from him this long before, just a day or two; the feeling was unsettling. She flopped onto her stomach and the bed groaned a little, readjusting to the weight shift. Then the door opened, revealing Officer Yuy. "Yo." She waved.

"You look bored." Heero said.

"How very observant of you." Faline quipped, dryly. "Have you come to fix that, or are you just here to ogle me?"

"Ogling you would be mildly entertaining…"

"For you maybe."

"For me, definitely but that's not what I came here for."

"Then what _did_ you come here for?"

"Noin figured you would be bored so we were wondering if you wanted to go out for a couple of hours?" Faline's eyes lit up.

"Is water wet?"

Trowa ended up being te one to take Faline out. She had hoped it would've been Quatre so that she could annoy him some more, but the blonde was currently off-duty. "So, where do you want to go?" Trowa asked her.

"Hmm… how about the amusement park? I've never been to one before." Faline suggested.

"You've _never_ been to an amusement park?"

"Is there an echo? I just said that." Faline said defensively.

"Okay, don't bite my head off. I'm just surprised is all." Trowa said in appeasement. "The amusement park it is." 

Faline spent most of the trip looking out the window looking pensive. Halfway to their destination, she frowned and eyed Trowa curiously. "What?" he asked.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did Quatre get to be a tank officer? He sure doesn't look the part, and he doesn't really act like the rest of you guys."

"Like the rest of us? What do you mean?"

"Well… from what I've seen there are three kinds of tank officers: the ones with sticks up their asses, like your Chif; the ones that have something to prove, like  the Academy brats; and the ones that are completely nuts, everyone else."

"I see." Trowa chuckled. "And Quatre doesn't fit into any of those categories?"

"Exactly." Faline nodded. "He's too nice to be an Academy brat, he's not strict enough to have a stick up his ass, but he's not loose enough to be as crazy as you and your friends. He acts like a normal person."

"Faline, there are no normal people; especially not in the tank police."

"Hm. You still haven't answered my question."

"To be honest, I'm not completely sure why Quatre joined up. I know a lot of his family were tank officers, and he attended Tank Police Academy, but beyond that I have no idea as to his motives."

"I see." Faline said. "Okay then, why did you join the tank police?" Trowa thought for a moment.

"It makes me feel like I'm actually making a difference and enjoy it."

"I think I'm gonna need a few more details there, buddy."

"It's like this, you go through life doing things but you feel like you're not really contributing to anything; just killing time. You don't particularly like what you do and as the days go on, you don't feel like your really going anywhere (1)."

"So you joined because you felt like you were at a dead end?"

"Something like that. I started out at the Red Commandos. It was a lot of fun but…"

"But what? The Reds make a ton of cash guarding rich people's valuables and like you said it's fun."

"Sure it was fun, but you're not really making any difference. Like you said, the Reds guard 'rich people's valuables'. I wanted more than that. I wanted to help as many people as I could, not just the ones who can afford the fee. If you don't have any money, the Red Commandos don't care."

"Hmm."

"That's the difference between a tank police officer and a Red Commando. I know it doesn't look like it, but a tank officer would do just about anything if it meant the people in this city are safe. We're crazy, but at least we give a damn."

"I find that a little hard to swallow considering you guys always seem to be blowing stuff up."

"When you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. Besides, even when we're blowing things up we're very careful not to fire when there are civilians in the area; most of which are smart enough to run away when they see a police chase. Buildings and possessions can be replaced, lives can't."

"You've got a point there."

"What about you? Why are you in a gang?"

"Technically, I'm not in the gang; my big brother is and I only get dragged into his business because he likes to keep an eye on me. In fact, he's the one that got me the job at the café."

"But you were with them when they were threatening Tseratopolis."

"Like I said, my brother likes to keep an eye on me. The guy that hired 'em has a nasty habit of kidnapping people and using them as 'insurance' to make sure he gets what he wants. Peter wanted to make sure that didn't happen to me, so when I wasn't at Ricardo's I was with him."

"Why was he so sure you'd be safe there?" Faline snorted.

"Ricardo's is a 'cop café', no crime boss is going to send his goons there unless he wants every cop in the district on his ass."

"Ah, stupid question."

"Very."

"So why is your brother in a gang?"

"That's a long, sordid story I don't feel like telling."

"Ah."

"Although I wish he wasn't. Sure it's exciting sometimes, but I don't like the fact that my only relative is a criminal. Don't get me wrong, he's a really great guy. He's never hurt anyone in his entire life; steal  and damage property yes, but never physically harm anyone. He could get a job, I know he could, but he insists that employers won't hire someone like him." Faline sighed, and then looked out the window. "Someday I'm going to convince him otherwise…"

"I hope you're right. I'd feel weird having to arrest him after listening to you." Trowa said. "Well, it looks like we're here."

The park was bustling with activity and Faline suddenly felt like she was five years old again. It was very hard to decide which ride to go on first. Trowa was very patient, watching her bounce around like a lunatic with amusement.

Two hours into the excursion, Faline learned three things: 1) She had lousy aim and she'd need a hell of a lot of practice if she wanted to get good at shooting games. 2) It's not a good idea to stuff yourself silly before going on a roller coaster. 3) Trowa is evil.

"Are you suuure you don't want a chili dog?" Trowa drawled, waving the snack in front of her face.

"Wuurrgh…" Faline moaned.

"Come on… I _know_ you want it…"

"I'm going to get you for this, Officer Barton." Faline said, then covered her mouth and stomach in the universal sign for extreme nausea. Trowa once again waved the chili dog in her face before he took a bite out of it.

"Mmm…yummy…" Unable to take it anymore, Faline ran off towards the bathrooms. Trowa followed her at a more sedate pace, munching on the snack. "Damn I love my job."

Somewhere in the 195ths headquarters…

*KABOOM!*

"Chang! Yuy! Maxwell!"

…business as usual. 

1) That little philosophical blurb is courtesy of my mother who has just finished having a mid-life crisis. At least I hope she's finished; I really don't want to listen to her wonder whether or not what she does is of any significance again.


	21. Omake!

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: The Drunken Idiocy Continues…

When we last left our slightly inebriated friends, they were about to start another round of the sentence game. Much has gone on since then. Trowa lost the sentence game and ended up having to drink. Unfortunately, he drew the four of clubs and had to take four more drinks. After drawing another card, they played the letters game followed by two more rounds of buzz, one round of categories, two rounds of questions, one round of rhyme, one round of BIG DRINK, another round of letters, and another round of the name game (not in that order). Relena, who just lost the questions game, finished her drink and teetered over to the card pile. They've only played a couple of games (most of them haven't lost one yet) and everybody's already horribly drunk which means that they've all been sneaking drinks.

Relena: Nine of *squints* shpades…Everybody take a drink. [everyone happily does]

Dorothy: Draw another card mish Re *hic* lena.

Relena: Sixsh of shpades. I get to make a rule! From now on, every time you take a drink… you hafta kish the first person of the opposite shex on your left.

Noin: [who is sitting next to Milliardo] Sounds good to me. [leers lopsidedly]

Relena picks up another card revealing the Queen of Spaces. Another round of questions begins.

Relena: [to Wufei] Are you wearing underwear?

Wufei: [to Relena] Why do yoooou want to know onna?

Relena: [to Dorothy] Ish it jusht me, or ish he overly defenssssive?

Dorothy: [to Sally] Sally, is your partner's ponytail too tight?

Sally: [to Milliardo] Is she talking to me?

Milliardo: Are you talking to me? [stands up and makes like Robert Deniro] Are you talking to me? Are _you_ talking to _me_?!

Everybody suddenly forgets what they're supposed to be doing.

Duo: [points at Heero] You dirty brother, you killed my rat seee... and now you gonna pay see… mnyah see mnyah!

Heero: Go ahead punk… make my day.

Heero and Duo start fighting in the middle of the room eventually dragging Catherine, Milliardo, Sally, and Noin in with them.

Catherine: As god is my witness… they're not gonna lick me!

Trowa: They'd better not!! If anyone touches my sister they're gonna have to deal with me!!

Relena: Ecchi!!! That's not what she meant!

Trowa: [ignores her and starts ranting about protecting the virtue of his sister]

Wufei: Injustice! Only I am allowed to rant!

Kaori: Who died and made you emperor?

Wufei: Nataku!

Kaori: Not good enough. Objection overruled, Trowa can rant all he wants!

Wufei: I demand an appeal!

Kaori: [sticks out her tongue at him]

There's a huge dog pile in the center of the room now. Milliardo is on the bottom with Heero, Catherine, Noin, Sally, and Duo on top of him.

Duo: [at the very top of the pile] BWUAHAHAHA!! Who's the man? Shinigami is the man!!!

Dorothy: [dreamily staring into a wine glass] All men are mortal…. Socrates was mortal…. Therefore all men are Socrates. [frowns] Which means that all men are homosexuals…

All the guys: OI!!

Kaori: Let's not get into that sort of discussion… we're drunk and who knows who we'll offend.

Andy: Being drunk is an offensive state in itself. 

Kaori: Very true… More sake?

Andy: [shrugs] Eh… why not…[holds out his glass]


	22. Evil Schemes Afoot

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Sixteen: Evil Schemes Afoot

Relena sat placidly on the stage next to the vice mayor as the mayor addressed the crowd before them. She had resisted the urge to yawn at least a dozen times already. Sure the new health budget was important, but the truth of the matter was that the actual explanation was quite boring and could easily have been explained in half as many words.

"..and not only will this vastly improve the quality of our current health care plans, but it will also benefit…"the mayor droned self-importantly.

//Why am I even here?// Relena thought testily. //Ah yes… I'm here to look pretty and keep the women's groups from complaining that there wasn't any female representation.// As she stifled yet another yawn she let her eyes wander across the sea of faces. //There's Lu Ki Lu from the Domino Post…Justin Thyme from The Scope…Mary Whethers from the Caroller…Hope Ingmadd from…Hey! What's that guy up to?//

Relena had caught sight of a rather desperate-looking man ducking into a side-door. //Must be looking for the bathroom…//

"For health is wealth and a healthy population is a happy and enriched population!" the mayor enthused, getting applause from the press. "I will now open the floor to questions."

//Oh God…we could be here all day.//

Lady Une, Chief of Tank Police at the 195th, was experiencing aggravation of a different sort. Right now she had the displeasure of going through the latest batch of police complaints and damage reports. There weren't as many on her desk as there usually were, but that didn't make it any less testing.  Paperwork was a nuisance she could definitely do without. She was beginning to miss her days riding tanks and chasing criminals. A knock at the door made her pause briefly before growling, "Come in." Andy stepped in carrying a small package.

"This came in for you a few minutes ago." He said, handing over the bundle to Une. "No idea who it's from. No return address. We ran a scan on it just to make sure; no explosives or hazardous materials. It appears to be a vido disc."

"Hmm…" Une hummed. "Thank you." Andy nodded curtly and exited the office.

Back at the press conference, the mayor was wrapping up the Q & A session (much to the relief of his bored staff and aides). "Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for your time. Any further questions can be sent to the district health advisor." He made his way off of the stage escorted by two security guards and trailed by his staff. Various members of the press tried to get a few more questions in but they waved off. What happened next only took a few seconds but to everyone in that room it felt like several hours had passed.

The door Relena had observed earlier opened violently, knocking one of the guards to the ground. A hand shot out and grabbed the mayor by his lapels and into the door; it slammed behind them. Before anyone could follow, the door on the opposite end of the room opened just enough to allow three sub-machine gun barrels to poke through. Everyone dove for cover as a shower of bullets sprayed into the room.

The few police officers that had been in the room were the first to stand, immediately rushing to the doors in hopes of catching a glimpse of those responsible. One of them quickly yelled to the civilians to call the police and the paramedics.

Relena was helped to her feet by the vice mayor; she had hidden under the refreshment stand so she was unhurt. Most of the other people present could not say the same. The shots had been fired at random but a lot of them ricocheted off of the various ornaments in the room; some hit people, the rest either broke glass or buried themselves into the walls. "Has anyone called an ambulance, Roland?" she asked.

"Yes, they should be on their way." Roland, the vice mayor, replied. "In the meantime we should try and keep everyone calm until they get here."

"The media is going to have a field day with this…"

"Sergeant Peacecraft! Just where do you think you are going?!" Une demanded as the aforementioned male barreled past her in the corridor.

"There's been a shooting at the convention center and the mayor's been kidnapped!" he yelled back to her.

"Let the regular police handle it, it's not under our jurisdiction!"

"My sister is there, ma'am!" Milliardo protested. "I have to make sure she's okay! She's all I've got left in the world!"

"Go then, but take somebody with you!"

"Thanks!" Une allowed a slight smile to grace her features as the man dashed down the hall before continuing on her way.

In a darkened room…

"Did you get him?" one figure asked another.

"Yes, we have him in the blue room." The other replied. "He's not very happy."

"I'll admit that this was rather…abrupt, but I must make sure that my plans go through smoothly."

"Shall I bring him in?"

"Yes."

When Milliardo arrived on the scene with Quatre, the paramedics were taking the injured and the dead away and the police were questioning the witnesses. As he was still in uniform, he was allowed up to the room where the conference had been held. "Relena? Relena!?" he called. 

"Milliardo?" a tired, but hopeful voice called back. Milliardo rushed over in that direction to find Relena and a distraught young woman sitting on the edge of the stage.

"Thank God you're all right!" he sighed after taking in her appearance. She was somewhat disheveled and her skirt was ripped, but she was otherwise okay.

"Just shaken up and very drained. Would you take me home, please?"

"Sure thing." Milliardo put his arm around her shoulders and led her towards the exit.

Quatre had decided to stand near the entrance and gather information. The incident may not have fallen under tank police jurisdiction, but it was always good to be informed of situations such as these just in case they eventually did. When Sergeant Peacecraft came out with his sister he asked how she was.

"She's fine, just really shaken up." The older man replied. "You drive, I don't think I should let go of her right now." Quatre nodded and walked with them to Milliardo's car.

Elsewhere, shadowy figures continued to scheme in a dimly lit room.

"You do realize that your actions require the acceleration of our plans?"

"Naturally, but you needn't worry. We're already way ahead of schedule as it is."

"So Tseratopolis is cooperating then."

"Not exactly…"

"Not exactly?"

"True he is doing what we are asking, but it requires a bit of persuasion. We gave him an ultimatum: either make the bombs or we start picking off his family."

"So he's working under protest."

"Right."

"Hmph. Well as long as we get what we want it really doesn't matter. Just make sure he doesn't try anything funny."

"I have three of my men watching him at all times. He wouldn't dare nor would he get the opportunity. Enough about that, what are you going to do now my friend?"

"I intend to enjoy myself. It's been some time since I've been able to take off my mask." Both figures laughed darkly.

Back with the 195th, Duo, Faline, Trowa, Wufei, and Heero were engaged in a game of cup hockey in the hallway in front of Faline's room. They had liberated some brooms from the janitor's closet and a plastic cup from the cafeteria; Trowa "borrowed" some trashcans from two offices on the floor below for use as goals. Heero was serving as referee; it was Wufei and Faline versus Trowa and Duo. Had Quatre been there it would be three on three; as he had been dragged off by the sergeant however, they had to make do with the group they had.

"Q's loosened up lately." Duo said, passing the cup to Trowa.

"I think having Faline around is doing him some good." Heero nodded. Faline grinned, stealing the cup from Wufei and heading for the goal.

"Thanks. I'm glad I could be of service." She shot but the cup was intercepted by Duo before it could reach it. "Seriously though, it wasn't right for a guy his age to be such a killjoy."

"You'll get no argument here." Wufei said, then he spotted Une coming down the hallway. "Uh oh, crab alert!" 

"I heard that, Officer Chang." Une said, icily. "Faline, I need to speak with you; it seems I have a message for you." The young woman in question looked at the four male officers who shrugged in response.

"Lead the way." Faline said.

Back to Omake #5

On to Chapter 17

Back to the series page


	23. Dealings in the Shadows

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Seventeen: Dealings in the Shadows

"He's going to do something stupid." Faline growled, anger shining in her gray eyes. "He always does something stupid when he feels betrayed only this time he could get himself killed!"

Peter Colwell, Faline's older brother, had been the sender of the package containing the video disc Chief Une received earlier. On it was a message for Faline…

"Hey there, little sister. I'm glad you're safe, we were worried when you didn't come home. Then again, it's a good thing you didn't or you'd be neck deep in shit like the rest of us. The big boss doesn't like us anymore; says we're 'an inconvenience', 'loose ends that need tying up' and shit like that. He sent a couple of his goons to the hideout and had them do some redecorating. Hash and Leo didn't survive the renovations I'm afraid. Cagey, Tyke, Nicky, and Sam are in rough shape. All bets are off now. They decided to play nasty and try to rub us out so it doesn't matter if we blow the lid off of their little party.

I don't know all the little details but the guy we were working for calls himself Mesor (1); he's the front man for the kingpin of this little operation. He's the one who asked us to shake down the old man; he paid up front in cash. Anyway, when the old guy didn't go to the boss on his own we were told to take him there.  I don't know what they wanted with him, but I do know where they took him: there's an abandoned building outside the city limits that used to be a pharmaceuticals factory. Me and the rest of the guys that are still healthy are going to check it out and get some revenge. But whatever happens, Faline, I want you to stay put. You should be safe with the tank police; I doubt they'd throw a nice girl like you out on account of her delinquent brother. Take care of yourself, kiddo. By the way, if any of you cops are watching, if I don't make it out of this alive, keep my sister safe."

"We don't know when the message was recorded." Une said. "The timestamp was deactivated. I'm going to send some officers down to the pharmaceutical plant to check things out. Hopefully, your brother hasn't done anything yet."

"I'm going as well." Faline stated.

"No you're not."

"Look, you, my brother may be out there! He's al I've got left in the world and I'm not going to sit around here and twiddle my thumbs when there may be a chance I can stop him!"

"Then don't twiddle your thumbs." Faline opened her mouth to protest but Une cut her off. "I know how you feel, but you are still in police custody as a witness and we can't put you at risk by letting you muck about at a possible crime scene. Besides, didn't your big brother tell you to stay here?"

"I just…" Faline's throat hitched, and the rest of the words came out in sobs. "I don't want him to die!"

In the slums of the city there is a place called the Undebelly where a lot of shady business is done, and when people scream nobody seems to hear it. Its existence is perpetuated on the rule that its exact location is never to be revealed to people outside of the major syndicates and local gangs; penalty for breaking this rule is death to the informant and to the outsider. Two members of this society were currently waiting for a third to arrive.

"He's late." The first complained, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Neil is always late." The second replied calmly. "If he was on-time I'd be worried. Just relax Fred, it ain't healthy to be so wound up all the time."

"I am _not_ 'wound up' Travis. This deal is our ticket to easy street and the last thing we need is Neil screwing things up by being late." Fred growled. He shuffled his feet in annoyance.

"If it's any consolation, our contacts are late too." Travis stated, mildly amused by his cohort's agitation. A black sedan pulled up, illuminating the two men. Five men stepped out, the most notable were a paunchy man in a three-piece suit and a tall man in a trenchcoat. Both their faces were obscured by the shadows. The rest of the new arrivals were unremarkable looking men with the exception that they were all carrying hand lasers.

"I've been told that you are interested in taking on a job for us. I'd begin, but it seems we are missing someone. There were supposed to be three of you." One of the men spoke; Neil and Travis couldn't tell who the speaker was.

"He'll be along soon." Travis said, calmly. "Whole we're waiting for him, why don't you tell us what you want us to do."

"Very well." A picture was flicked at Neil, who caught it clumsily. "Her name is Faline Colwell, she's currently being held at the Tank Police in the 195th. She's become somewhat of a loose end and my associate and I can't stand loose ends. We can't afford to have her disposal linked to us, which is why we are hiring you."

"Well everyone is outsourcing these days." Neil smirked. "Why get your hands dirty when others are more than happy to do it for you if the price is right."

"And we're paying you quite a lot, so don't screw up."

"Relax. We're not known for failure."

"There's a first time for everything. You'd better make sure that this doesn't turn into one of them."

Elsewhere, Dorothy, Catherine, and Hilde were making their way back to he 181st when a young man staggered into the street in front of them and collapsed. The girls brought their motorcycles to a screeching halt.

"Hey! What's the big idea!" Dorothy yelled, annoyed that she was being delayed from going off-duty. Catherine and Hilde rolled their eyes as they got off their motorcycles to check on the guy.

"Hey you, are you all right?" Hilde asked as she rolled the man over. It was then that they saw the blood soaking his shirt and the bullet holes in his torso. Catherine didn't waste a second.

"This is Officer Bloom of the 181st Motorcycle Division. I need an ambulance ASAP at the corner of 132nd Street and Magnnolia Avenue. We have a young man here, mid-twenties with multiple bullet wounds with no visible exit wounds."

"195th…Faline…." The man croaked, clutching at Hilde's bullet-proof vest.

"Don't talk." Hilde said. "Just relax, an ambulance will be here soon."

"No. Warn, Faline. Trouble. They know…know she's with them."

"Faline?" Dorothy wrinkled her nose. "Isn't that the leggy girl in Tank Police custody?"

"What do you mean 'they know she's with them'??? Who are 'they'?" Catherine asked. The young man tried to answer but fell unconscious before he could get a word out.

"Why do I get the feeling that we're going to be on-duty for at least another hour filing a report on this?" Dorothy grumbled. "Sometimes police work sucks."

"Oh man…scenes like this should only be in bad sci-fi movies." Duo muttered.

Upon reaching the abandoned pharmaceutical plant, Duo had been struck with a nasty case of "the creeps" well warranted by the foreboding exterior of the building and the odd shadows the bacterial cloud cast on it as it filtered the moonlight. However, once inside the affliction became contagious.

It was like walking through that set  "Space Truckers" (2) right after they shot the opening scenes. Mutilated bodies littered the floor, all of which wee missing appendages or a head, or had holes burned right through them; fatal wounds only laser rifles could inflict. The entire room reeked of burnt flesh and ozone.

"We're too late." Noin sighed.

"Call for the Body Squad and tell them to come and collect the corpses." Captain Scot said. "While we're waiting for them, continue the search of the premises and see if you can find any leads."

Three hours later, the homicide team having arrived in the first hour, the tank police had searched the entire building and come across a plethora of encoded discs, odd bits of machinery, a few control circuits, and some barrels of chemicals they couldn't identify on sight.

"What the hell were they doing in here?" Wufei wondered aloud as he examined a microchip.

"Let's just hope we never find out." Heero said. "They left in a hurry so I'm assuming they only took the vital stuff. Whatever's left over was either here when they took over the building or didn't matter enough for them to take it. However, I think it's safe to say that we can figure out most of their plans from what they left behind."

"Thank goodness for that. I guess those guys did us a small favor by coming here to settle the score." Captain Scot said.

"You realize that Faline will have to identify the bodies." Duo noted quietly. A chill filled the room as everyone fell silent. No one spoke again until the ambulances came to take the bodies to the morgue.

On a small hill overlooking the pharmaceutical plant, a figure observed the unfolding scene through a pair of night vision binoculars. "This will simply not do." Having said that, he tucked the binoculars into his jacket and walked away unnoticed by those below. "This will not do at all…"

1) Mesor is a character from the book "Dragonworld." He's your typical political toady, grubbing for power at the princess' feet and helping spread political dissent.  He gets his later though as all sniveling worms do.

2) Space Truckers (1997) is one of those movies that could have been great but somehow only ends up being "watchable". The title tells you exactly what to expect: it's a movie about trucking in space. It's a good, cheesy sci-fi flick that you watch if you have nothing better to do and don't really feel like thinking.


	24. Sharing

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Eighteen: Sharing

"You really ought to eat something." Quatre said, quietly.

"After what I just saw I don't think I'll ever eat again." Faline muttered. Quatre made a face.

Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei had taken Faline to the morgue to identify the bodies. Some we're more difficult than others as the heads were completely vaporized. What made it worse for Faline was that those men had been family to the dark-haired young woman. At least there was a bright side: Faline's brother had not been among any of the bodies, so he might still be alive.

Currently, Quatre was sitting with Faline trying his best to make her feel better. She was rather despondent, very much unlike the strident young woman he had met two months ago. It was strange, and a little unnatural, to see her so listless. Deciding it best to get her mind off the current situation, he asked her something that had been nagging him for weeks now. "Faline, tell me, what were you thinking when you fell on me?" //Oh crap, that came out wrong.//

"Huh?" Faline blinked.

"Back when we first met." Quatre clarified. "What were you thinking?"

"Hmm… I'm not really sure but it was something along the lines of 'thank God I'm alive', 'I wonder what I landed on', and 'I wonder if I can use this thing to get away?' That's when Heero told me to drop the gun and put my hands up, and you whined about being a human cushion. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious…"

"Well since we're satisfying our curiosities, there's something I've been wanting to ask you." Quatre quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"What the hell made you join the tank police? I mean, you've got pampered rich kid written all over you; besides which everyone knows that the Winner family is loaded. So what's the deal?"

"My parents…" Quatre sighed. It was Faline's turn to quirk an eyebrow. "My mother was a tank police officer; even though my father had more than enough money to support our family mom wasn't the type of person to sit around and throw garden parties all the time. She died on duty. My father didn't take it very well. He decided right then that he would make me into the next president of the company and keep me away from the dangerous life of police work. I never really wanted to run dad's company to begin with and the more he pushed me the harder I resisted.

When I graduated high school, I went straight to the Tank Police Academy. At first it was just to spite my father, but the longer I stayed there the more at home I felt. I guess I'm more like my mother than I thought. I just can't see myself sitting behind a desk when I could be out there in the city doing some real good."

"Hmm…" Faline mused. "Quatre?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm a little hungry, do you think you could get me something to eat?"

"Sure. Anything in particular?"

"Soup and a sandwich. Um… but no tomato soup."

"Okay, I'll be right back with it."

"Quate?" Faline said tentatively as the blonde tank officer reached for the door knob.

"Hmm?"

"…Thank you."

"My pleasure."

As Quatre shut the door behind him, he was met by the smirking faces of Officers Yuy and Maxwell. "GAH!"

"Where are _you_ going, lover boy?" Duo leered.

"What are you talking about?" Quatre glared.

"You and Faline were aaaaalll by yourselves for two whole hours." Heero said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively (1). Quatre turned bright red.

"You perverts! Don't you have better things to do than inflict your sick fantasies on other people?!"

"Hmm…" Duo looked pensive.

"Now that you mention it…." Heero drawled.

"No." they both said.

"Idiots." Quatre muttered. "Did you two have a reason for hanging around outside here or did you just come to torment me?"

"Actually we did come here to get you." Heero said. "We're wanted down at the lab. Wufei's found out something rather interesting…"

"Interesting? Like what?"

"I don't know, that's what we're all going to find out together."

"A _what_?!" Duo, Quare, Trowa, and Captain Scot yelled.

"A bacterium eliminating compound combined with a high grade explosive." Wufei said.

"So what you're saying is they're making a giant disinfecting bomb?!" Heero blinked.

"I suppose you could put it that way."

"Why the hell would they do something like that?" Captain Scot asked.

"Because they're crazy?" Duo suggested.

"It would kill off all the bacteria in the city and then some." Trowa said.

"And that would be bad, why?"

"Not all bacteria are harmful, Duo." Sally said.

"Didn't you fail biology?" Noin snickered.

"Shut up! At least I didn't fail gym!" Sally retorted.

"How do you fail _gym_?" Trowa asked.

"Spend it behind the school sucking face with…MMPH!" Noin clapped her hands over Sally's mouth and Milliardo turned scarlet.

"We're getting off topic." Noin said, laughing nervously. Everyone (except Milliardo, Sally, and Noin of course) snickered.

"Anyway, I think the question is what to do now." Quatre said.

"Now things get tricky. We have to track those guys down before they do whatever it is they plan to do." Captain Scot said matter-of-factly.

"Greeeaaat…." Heero sighed.

Back in the overnight room, Faline munched her sandwich, occasionally sipping the soup. Absently, she wondered where the guys had gotten to. She heard Quatre talking to Heero and Duo in the hall…//Speaking of which, I'm gonna smack those two perverts the next time I see them.//

She considered leaving the room to look for them when the door opened, revealing two tank officers that she didn't recognize. Faline frowned. //Something isn't right here.//

"Ms. Colwell, you're to come with us." The man closest to the door said.

"On whose authority?" the young woman challenged.

"Ours of course."

"That's what I thought you'd say…" Faline growled, rushing to the other side of the room and hitting the fire alarm.

"You little bitch!" the other man yelled as he pulled a gun from his vest. Faline's eyes widened as she narrowly dodged the bullet.

"Fred, your aim _still_ sucks!" the first man yelled over the alarm, pulling out his own gun to shoot at the defensless young woman.

At the same time, Milliardo and the boys were rushing up the stairs trying to get to Faline's room.

"Why aren't we taking the elevator?" Duo demanded.

"You know the elevators don't work once the fire alarm's been pulled." Milliardo said. "Quit complaining and run!"

"I hear yelling up ahead." Trowa announced.

"Somebody help me!" a very familiar voice cried.

"Faline?! Hang on, we're coming!" Wufei yelled.

A scream and a gunshot were the response they received…

1) Man, what a character stretch! The OOC-haters will really be after me for that one…


	25. Omake!

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: Once Again the Authoress and Cast Discuss the Fic

Kaori and the cast are gathered at Roadhouse Grill enjoying drinks and nachos. One would think they'd had enough booze after the last omake but oh no…

Quatre: [the only one not having any alcohol as he is the designated driver] You're not going to make me pay for all of this are you?

Kaori: Nah, I'm buying this time. [sips her Bacardi and Coke]

Trowa: And to what do we owe this generosity?

Kaori: Three weeks until graduation.

Trowa: Ah. Bartender another beer here.

Faline: I can't believe you killed me off!

Kaori: When did I do that?

Faline: Last chapter!

Kaori: I never actually said that you were dead.

Une: You kind of implied it though.

Kaori: Never assume, you make an ass out of u and me.

Duo: So she's not dead then?

Kaori: I never said that either.

Faline: Just tell me. Am I dead or not?

Kaori: All right fine…

[ Fic Spoiler Omitted]

Wufei: Is it just me or is this story lacking a steady main character? You kind of keep flip-flopping between Quatre and Faline.

Kaori: The story itself is the real main character.

Catherine: Huh? You lost me there.

Andy: You're not alone Cathy.

Kaori: Let me put it like this… This fic is an experiment, right?

Heero: That's what you keep telling us.

Kaori: Well, as an experimental fic, I don't really know where it's going. I can't very well focus on any character in particular for fear of writing myself into a corner. So instead, I focus on the story and telling it.

Milliardo: But you tend to focus on Quatre and Faline a lot.

Duo: That's true! I thought _I_ was your favorite!

Kaori: That's just because it suits the story right now.

Duo: Yeah right…

Heero: Trowa still has more lines than me.

Kaori: Stop complaining. You got a lot of the good screen time during the TV series.

Heero: [pouts] I still want more lines.

Everyone else: [thinking] Prima donna …


	26. Breakdown

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Nineteen: Breakdown

Time seemed to slow down to a painful crawl as the tank officers rushed down the stairwell; in which time another shot was fired and someone cursed. As they approached the landing to the fourth floor, they could hear footsteps descending the stairway. "Faline?!" Quatre called out. No response.

Finally, the group reached the second floor. Faline was sitting next to the door with her knees drawn up and her arms folded over them. She kept staring at the bleeding body lying in a heap in front of her. Some bloody footprints were leading away from the scene and down the stairs. Zechs, Heero, and Duo went to follow them while Wufei called for someone to remove the body. Trowa and Quatre approached the distraught brunette.

"Faline?" Trowa ventured, and found a gun shakily pointed at his nose. "It's Trowa, Faline. You're safe now." The young woman turned her gaze toward the fallen man. "It's okay. He can't hurt you. He's dead, Faline." Faline buried her face in her arms and cried.

"Faline…" Quatre knelt next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Before he knew what was happening, she latched onto him and bawled. Trowa would've laughed if the situation wasn't so grim. Quatre stroked the Faline's hair awkwardly, not sure what to do next.

"I thought I was going to die!" Faline sobbed. "He had the gun pointed at me and I was so scared I screamed and the next thing I knew, the gun went off and it felt like someone was burning a hole in my shoulder…"

"You got shot?!" Quatre exclaimed, immediately detaching himself from Faline so he could get a better look at her. There was blood staining her shirt near her collarbone. "Dammit…"

"Wufei, call for the paramedics." Trowa said, noticing that there didn't seem to be an exit wound and Faline was still bleeding. Quatre busied himself with tearing the sleeve off of his uniform to make into a tourniquet.

"What happened?" he asked Faline as he started tying the wound off.

"I… I was sitting in the room… eating." Faline said, trying very hard not to become frantic. "That guy…" she pointed at the body, "and another one came in… told me to go with them. I didn't know what else to do so I pulled the fire alarm. The dead guy… his friend called him Fred… pulled a gun on me. He missed.  The other one pulled his gun and started shooting at me too. Somehow I managed to get out of the room and to the stairs. They chased me of course. I thought I heard you guys after a while… I yelled for help. Then…then…" she started to hyperventilate.

"Just relax. I think I know what happened after that."

"No! I… I want to finish! Just let me finish!" her voice took on a hysterical edge.

"Okay, but you need to calm down a bit, all right?" Quatre soothed. Faline took a couple of deep breaths before continuing.

"I started to get tired and I looked back…. They had almost caught up to me… I tripped and I may have screamed… I'm not sure which one of them shot at me. By the time I hit the floor they had caught up to me completely. I felt something poke me in the side. They must've wanted to make sure I was dead… I rolled over as fast as I could and grabbed it. It was Fred. The other guy made to shoot me but he couldn't get a clear shot. The gun Fred and I were fighting over went off and Fred just fell over. The other guy ran off. He must've heard you guys coming I guess. Oh God… I thought I was going to die!" she burst into tears again and clung onto Quatre like he was a gigantic teddy bear. Trowa and Wufei suppressed smirks.

"One word of this to Duo and Heero and you're both dead." Quatre mouthed to them, glaring.

"Clear the way!" Duo yelled into the crowd as he went. "Tank police coming through!" Zechs was on his radio to the dispatcher while Heero kept his gun trained on their quarry, waiting for an opportunity.

"This is Sergeant Peacecraft. Officers Maxwell, Yuy and myself are in pursuit of a suspect; male, Caucasian, approximately five and a half feet tall with dark green hair. He is heading east on 194th Street and is wearing a tank police uniform. He is armed and dangerous." With that, Milliardo shoved his walkie-talkie back onto his belt clip and took out his gun.

As the man turned a corner he fired a shot into the crowd and the people immediately began to panic making pursuit even more difficult for the three tank officers. Fortunately, a few members of the regular police had seen the whole thing and began chasing the green-haired gunman in their squad car.

"Dammit, we lost him." Duo growled.

"It's out of our hands now." Milliardo sighe, holstering his gun. "Let's just hope those other guys can catch him."

"Should we head back?" Heero asked.

"First let's get these people calmed down."

Upon returning to the station, Milliardo, Heero, and Duo were updated on the situation by Captain Scot. Faline had been taken to the hospital to be thoroughly checked for injuries and have the bullet removed; Quatre was with her because she wouldn't go otherwise (this piece of information got snickers from Duo and Heero); Wufei and Trowa were at the crime scene waiting for the ballistics team. "So, where's our perpetrator?" the captain demanded.

"We lost him, sir." Milliardo said, sullenly.

"Crap."

"As far as we know, the regular cops are still chasing him."

"Hmph. I almost wish they didn't catch him. It's an embarrassment to our division that we even let him get off the premises."

Travis ran through every back-alley and side street he could find trying to escape the police. So far he was doing pretty well but it was only a matter of time before he got tired and they caught him. He had to get to Neil as quickly as possible and without the police finding out where he went. //Just three more blocks to go. If I can loose them before I get there I won't have to worry about the cops anymore.// An upcoming manhole presented a rare opportunity and the green-haired man took it. After clumsily removing the cover, he dropped into the sewer below and ran as fast as he could.

Fortune seemed to be on his side as he made it to his destination unseen by the long arm of the law. He made it to the rundown apartment complex that was serving as a hideout. Neil anxiously awaited him in one of the rooms. 

"Where's Fred?" Neil demanded after letting Travis in and shutting the door. What happened?"

"Fred's dead, we gotta get out of town _now_." Travis growled, rushing past his associate to throw a few things in a bag.

"What do you mean?!"

"The job's a total write-off. We messed up. Fred's dead, the bitch is alive, and the cops are after us. If we leave now we can leave before the Syndicate finds out."

"Shit!" Neil exclaimed and joined his partner in the task of packing up the few belongings they had brought with them.

Fifteen minutes later, Neil and Travis left the building and headed for the airport. They never made it there…

Chief Une got the call from the regular police not too long after the bodies of Travis and Neil gutted and hanging from the fire escape of an abandoned bulding. She got another call from the coroner about Fred's body.

"They found some kind of resedue on his shoes." Treize, the coroner, reported. "Apparently it's from an area where the bacterial cloud is particularly thick and leaves some kind of sludge on the ground when it's drafty out. We're still working on finding out what the substance is though. I'll let you know if something comes up."

"Thank you for the information, Treize." Une said.

"Anytime. Oh! One more thing…"

"Yes?"

"Are you free for dinner tonight?"

"You ask me that every night and every night I give you the same answer."

"Well?"

"No Treize, I have to work late again."

"Ah, so you want me to bring some takeout? Italian sound good to you?"

"You are relentless. All right, fine. But just this once!" Une laughed.

"Great! It's a date!" Treize said and hung up. Une hung up the receiver as well.

"Are you done eavesdropping on me, Andy?" The aforementioned young man squeaked in response. "Call the meteorological office and find out where the bacterial cloud was thickest for the past two months."

"Yes ma'am!"

"And Andy?"

"Yes ma'am?"

"Let me know if anybody calls from the hospital about Ms. Colwell's condition."

"Yes ma'am."


	27. New Clue

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty: New Clue

It wasn't until the following day that the tank police learned the whereabouts of Peter Colwell…

"He's where?!" Captain Scot exclaimed.

"Saint Augustine Hospital." Dorothy reiterated, rolling her eyes. "We took him there after we found him half-dead in the street two nights ago."

"Why didn't you call us immediately?!"

"Well…" Hilde fidgeted. "It was late, and we were practically off-duty when we found him so we didn't file the paperwork until yesterday morning. Then there was the bank robbery we got called on…"

"Besides which the guy didn't even regain consciousness until last night. We didn't even know who he was before then." Catherine added, coolly. Captain Scot glared at the three of them.

"Well there's nothing for it now." Chief Une said, blandly. "I just find it somewhat ironic that both Colwell's are in the same hospital and neither of them is aware of it.  Barton, Winner, and Chang are guarding Faline's room aren't they?"

"Yes, Yuy and Maxwell are going over there to relieve Chang and Barton." Captain Scot replied. When given an odd look by Une he added, "Faline won't let Officer Winner leave, ma'am." Dorothy, Catherine, and Hilde snickered.

"As long as they aren't doing anything untoward I don't care." Une sighed. "Radio the lot of them and tell them to go interview Peter. I don't particularly care who does it; let them decide that amongst themselves."

"Yes ma'am."

"Oh, and tell Andy to come in here before you do that."

"Can we go now?" Dorothy asked, peevishly.

"Yes, yes, yes; get out of here."

At the hospital, Trowa and Wufei were in the intensive care unit waiting for the nurse to finish checking on Peter. As the nurse finished adjusting the IV drip, she turned and addressed the tank officers.

"Now no rough stuff with the patient. I'm leaving Mr. Colwell comfortable and on the road to recovery and I expect him to be the same way when I return… or else."

"No need to worry, ma'am. We only want to ask him some questions." Wufei assured.

"That better be all, Officer…" she looked at his nametag. "Chang." And with that, she left.

"Nice lady." Trowa commented as the door closed. Peter laughed dryly from the bed."

"Yeah, a real mother hen that one. They should move her to the kid's ward…" he coughed. "Water…" Trowa filled a cup from the pitcher on the nightstand and helped Peter with it. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Let me guess. You want to know what I know, is that it?"

"If you feel up to it." Wufei replied.

"Sure, I'm okay. First, tell me, how's my little sister?"

"She's going to be fine. She's downstairs recovering from a bullet wound."

"You jerks! I told you to take care of her!" Peter yelled.

"Hey! Calm down before that nurse comes back and sedates your ass."

"Fine…" Peter growled. "But as soon as I'm better I'm gonna kick all your asses." Trowa and Wufei chuckled at that. "Hmph. Anyway, here's what I know…"

Back at the 195th, Une, Scot, Peacecraft, and Noin were looking over the data sent in from the meteorological office.

"All right, now we can see that the cloud was especially thick around the factory areas on a consistent basis." Milliardo observed.

"that doesn't help us much." Captain Scot groused. "There are fifteen large factory districts in this city and we don't have time to search them all."

"You may not have to." Une said. "If the gunk they found on our would-be hit man can be identified, we can significantly reduce the number of places that need to be searched."

"And if it can't be?"

"Then we're up Shit Creek because nobody knows where those lunatics are based and as soon as they learn we're looking for them they'll jump ship again."

"Great…" Noin groaned.

"In the meantime, I suggest you get some paperwork done." The phone rang. "Une here…yes…I see. You're sure?" Une gave her subordinates a look that clearly said 'stay'. "Thanks a lot Otto." She hung up the phone. "That was the crime lab. How much do you know about diphenylamine?" Captain Scot scratched his head.

"Diphenylamine? Is that some kind of allergy pill or something?" 

"Actually, I don't know either but I'm thinking that Officer Chang might."

"Eh? Whyzzat?"

"He worked for the bomb squad before he got transferred here, remember? I would think he'd know his chemicals."

"And if he doesn't know this one?" Milliardo inquired.

"Then we ask him if he knows if he can find out."

Elsewhere, a man in a long trench coat made his way through a dimly lit corridor. Shaggy, brown hair obscured his vision. Opening the door to an office, he nodded a greeting to the portly man sitting in the corner before making his way to the desk at the other end of the room. Two other men were sitting behind it; another fat man and a thin one.

"What have you learned, Mesor?" the fat one asked.

"Things aren't looking good, Mr. Evans." Mesor replied. "The men you hired weren't able to kill the girl and it seems the tank police are well aware of our project. They don't know what your intentions are, however, so we may be able to complete it before they can stop us." Mr. Evans looked thoughtful and then turned to the man sitting next to him.

"And what's your take on all of this, Dr. Simms?"

"Gentlemen I think it's time we gave the tank police something else to worry about. We can't afford to have them find us before the bomb is complete."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Denis is still down at the Underbelly, isn't she? Let's give him a call and tell him to take the toys out." Dr. Simms turned to face the man in the corner. "That is, if you have no objections, sir."

"Go right ahead." The man replied. "But remember that we only want to distract the police, not tip them off."

"Understood."

"Fireworks?" Captain Scot blinked.

"Yes." Wufei replied. "Well that and pesticides, gunpowder, and igniters. Diphenylamine is a stabilizing agent used in their manufacture. Fireworks are most likely because there are six fireworks factories in this city and one factory that makes gunpowder."

"So there's a chance the place we're looking for is near the gunpowder factory." Noin said.

"Not really." Une said. "That gunpowder factory is owned by the military and is located well outside the city boundaries; they wouldn't be in our search area"

"But the fireworks factories are?"

"Four of them, which means we're going to need a little more information."

"Where from?" Milliardo asked. "It's not as if we can go to each factory and ask about this."

"We know that the stuff found on the dead man's shoes contained traces of diphenylamine, but what else?" Wufei mused. "We could ask the crime lab to do a deeper analysis and see if we can find anything else."

"An excellent idea." Une nodded. "While you're here Wufei, did Peter Colwell tell you anything?"

"Well, he did fill in the gaps as to what happened back at that pharmaceutical plant. Other than that, he didn't tell us anything new."

"I'll have guards posted at his room anyway as a precaution." Une said. "Once this case is solved we're going to need all the witnesses we can get to make sure those lunatics don't get away." 


	28. Wild Goose

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-One: Wild Goose

When asked about it later on, some police officers said it was like an avalanche; it started out as a dull roar before getting so loud that all that kept you from getting buried in it was instinct and adrenaline. Others likened it to a hurricane; a huge, raging storm that destroyed anything it touched. One thing they all agreed on, it was a major disaster.

"Dammit! What the hell is going on out there?!" Une screamed. When she came in to work that morning she was expecting phone calls about her officers destroying private property. Instead, there were hundreds of calls from frantic politicians insisting that the city was under terrorist attack. Ironically, the politicians that screamed the loudest were the same ones that sided with the mayor when he decided to decrease the tank police budget. //This will be funny later… provided I'm still alive to laugh about it…//

Out on the streets, the police were having an even rougher time of it. Since early that morning they were being run ragged by an unbelievable amount of robots. Every time one showed up, something exploded. With all the mayhem and confusion being caused, quite a few of the local gangs decided that this was the perfect time to loot the city. The public had been advised to stay indoors and barricade themselves inside. All the subways were shut down and businesses were closed. 

Captain Scot and his squad were chasing down three of the renegade robots.

 "Is it just me, or do they look like demolition droids?" Trowa asked.

"Not just you." Duo replied.

"Heads up, everyone. I think the 'bots are tired of running." Quatre said. All three robots simultaneously opened up panels in their sides, pivoted, and threw explosives at the tanks.

"Aw hell! I just got the suspension fixed on this tank! They'd better not have scratched the paint!! I'll buy dinner for the first one to frag one of those things!"

"All right! I'm all for that!" Duo cheered.

"No way, Maxwell. That dinner is ours!" Wufei retorted.

"Only if you can beat me to it." Heero challenged.

The four tanks raced through the streets, Heero and Duo having a speed advantage with their spider tanks. However, Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa's tank had a much better chance of hitting their targets long distance. Captain Scot, Noin, and Milliardo hung back in their tank; occasionally Captain Scot would bark orders. Soon it became apparent that Wufei and the others had no chance of getting at the robots and it became a battle between the two spider tank officers.

"Hey, Duo." Heero said.

"What?" Duo replied, warily.

"Let's make this a bit more interesting."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Loser washes and waxes the others tank for a month."

"Throw in a paint job and you're on."

"Deal. And remember, even strokes when your painting."

"I'll be sure to remind you."

The two surged forward, dodging TNT and debris while trying to get a clear shot of the robots. The robots soon ran out of ammunition and the tank officers lined up their sights. Neither of them got a shot off as a shell came flying between them and blew up all three robots. Duo and Heero turned around to see the smoking turret of the captain's tank.

"Hey! Captain! No fair!" Duo whined.

"Tough luck kids. I get the dinner and the wax job." The Captain Scot grinned, Heero and Duo groaned. "Quit your whining, we've got more robots to blow up."

The next batch of robots proved to be a bit trickier…

"You know, my uncle used to have one of these." Noin said.

"Really? What happened to it?" Milliardo asked.

"It ran off with the neighbor's cat."

"Tell me you're joking." Quatre moaned.

"I wish…"

The tank officers were now facing a pack of robot cats that had decided to raid the fish market. The officers were forced to leave their tanks and attempt to apprehend them; operative word being 'attampt'.

"Anyone besides me think this is a mistake?" Trowa muttered.

"Suck it up. We're tank officers; we can handle a bunch of cats." Captain Scot said and  reached for one of the cats. He was rewarded with a deep gash in his left hand. "AGH! Sonoffa…" he whipped out his gun. Noin and Milliardo quickly restrained him.

"Don't do it captain!!" Noin pleaded. "Who knows what they'll do if you provoke them any further.

"LET ME GO DAMN YOU!! THE CATS FROM HELL MUST DIE!!!"

"Control yourself, captain!" Milliardo implored.

"Can you 'kill' a robot cat?" Trowa asked, quietly.

 "Ouch! Sir! _Please_ stop hitting me!" Noin wailed.

"I think they're laughing at us." Quatre commented, pointing to the cats.

Eventually Captain Scot got his way and the robot cats (along with the fish market) were blown to smithereens. 

"You know we're going to get yelled at about that tomorrow." Heero said to no one in particular.

"Nobody saw us do it so for all anybody knows, it was the cats." Captain Scot murmured. The radio beeped. "Scot here."

"Captain, are you currently in pursuit of any robots?" Une asked over the radio.

"Not right now, ma'am."

"Good, I want you to head over to the junkyard. There appears to be a high frequency signal coming from somewhere around there. We believe it may be what's causing the robots to go berserk."

"We're on it, chief. Captain Scot, out." Captain Scot cut off the connection. "All right, you heard the boss lady. Move out!"

When they got to there all they found was a radio transmitter; no sign of the person who was using it. Angrily, Captain Scot threw the device against the wall.

"Captain?" Quatre said, tentatively.

"We've been had." Captain Scot said, quietly.

"Well done, Denis." Mr. Evans congratulated the young man standing before him. "You may take your money and leave."

"Thank you sir." Denis replied, taking the envelope proffered to him by Mesor and leaving hastily. When Mr. Evans was sure Denis was out of earshot he turned to Mesor.

"Kill him before he leaves the building." The shaggy-haired man nodded, and went off in pursuit of the unsuspecting youth. "I don't like do things like that but we can't afford any more mistakes. Once the bomb is launched I suggest we rid ourselves of Tseratopolis as well."

"I have no qualms about that." Dr. Simms said. "He's a rather uncooperative sort."

With the crisis over, at least for the time being, the exhausted officers took the time to relax a little before heading back to headquarters.

"What do you suppose the point of all that was?" Noin wondered.

"Maybe there was no point." Heero suggested. "Maybe it was just a way to keep us occupied."

"A wild goose chase." Wufei hummed.

"Speaking of goose, I'm hungry." Duo remarked. "Anybody want to go down to Genevieve's and get something to eat?"

"If it's still there." Milliardo quipped, dryly.

"If it isn't we'll just go over to Noin's."

"Hey now…" Noin warned. 


	29. Omake!

Got hit by a wave of nostalgia while listening to one of my Tom Lehrer CDs.

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: Musical Interlude

The cast and crew of TPD195 is dressed up in academic robes. Ayamachi plays an intro on the piano.

Quatre: Bright college days, oh carefree days that fly

Trowa: To thee we sing with our glasses raised on high.

Kaori & Une: [raise their reading glasses in the air]

Everyone else: [whap their foreheads]

Noin: Let's drink a toast as each of us recalls

All: Ivy-covered professors in ivy-covered halls.

Duo: Turn on the spigot

Faline: Pour the beer and swig it.

Both: And _gaudeamus igit-ur_

Captain Scot: Here's to the parties we tossed

Milliardo: To the games that we lost

All: We shall claim that we won them someday.

Andy: To the girls young and sweet

Treize: To the spacious back seat

Peter: Of our roommate's beat-up Chevrolet

Sally: To the beer and Benzedrine

Wufei: To the way that the dean

Relena: Tried so hard to be 'pals' with us all.

Hilde: To the excuses we fibbed

Dorothy: To the papers we cribbed

Duo: From the genius who lived down the hall.

Kaori: To the tables down at Mory's

Heero: …wherever that may be.

Catherine: Let us drink a toast to all we love the best.

All: We shall sleep through all the lectures

       And cheat on the exams

Wufei: And we'll pass.

All: And be forgotten with the rest.

Faline: Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.

Heero: Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.

All: [wince]

Milliardo: But as we go our sordid separate ways

Quatre: We shall ne'er forget thee

All: Thou golden college days.

Heero, Faline, Catherine, Kaori, Hilde, Dorothy: Hearts full of youth!

Andy, Trowa, Relena, Quatre, Wufei, Duo: Hearts full of truth!

Milliardo, Une, Captain Scot, Peter, Sally Noin: Six parts gin to one part vermouth!


	30. Off the Case!

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Two: Off the Case??!!

"It would seem that our little diversion worked." Dr. Simms smiled mirthlessly.

"But we still need time to transport the bomb." Mr. Evans grunted. "I trust you have more than just a moment's distraction planned."

"Of course. Mesor?" The dark-haired man stood up straight from where he had been leaning on the wall, took out his gun, and leveled it at the man in the corner.

"Simms! What are you playing at?!" the man demanded.

"Mr. Mayor, your help has been invaluable in helping us to bring our plans to fruition, but I'm afraid the only use for you we have now, is as a corpse."

"But…but… why?! I fulfilled all my promises to you when you helped me get elected into office! I lowered the police budget, I closed a few precincts and even pushed the incentives you asked for!"

"And for that we are very grateful, sir." Evans said, half-mocking. "Now that we have what we want, we don't need you anymore."

 "Goodbye, Mr. Mayor." Mesor said, and squeezed the trigger.

"It was all over the news that evening. The mayor's remains had been found floating in the river; his legs and arms were stuffed into a plastic bag, torso and legs in two other bags. His head had yet to be located.

The police had no clues as to who had done it or why, but an investigation was already underway and they had a list of possible suspects; mostly tank police chiefs and extremely vocal members of the opposing political parties. However, they didn't rule out the possibility of some sort of extremist group taking the mayor prisoner to get information from his before murdering him.

On the afternoon of the following day, the police got their answers.

Noin, Milliardo, and the boys were hanging around the pit when Captain Scot and Chief Une both walked in, grave looks on their faces. "Everybody off your butts, we've got trouble." Captain Scot barked.

"What's going on, sir?" Milliardo asked.

"They just found the mayor's head." Chief Une stated quietly.

"Well, that's homicide's problem." Someone in the back said.

"When the decapitated head is being carried by the lead robot of a group of military issue combat droids, then it becomes a tank police problem." There was a predictable chorus of…

"WHAT?!!!"

The city was put on emergency alert and citizens were literally being herded to shelters as the approaching metallic army seemed to be bent on destruction. The army had been called in and the tank police were to act as support.

"So, Heero." Duo asked, as he and the rest of the squad completed their system checks before moving out. "Know anything about these combat droids?"

"They were built mainly to be a walking arsenal." Heero replied checking the sites on his tank. "They aren't used often because they have to be pre-programmed beforehand and the programming can't be changed by remote control. The only way to stop them is to either get close enough to manually shut them down when they eventually run out of ammo, or blow them to hell with cannon or missile fire."

"If that's the case, how do they tell who the enemy is."

"They can't. That's another reason why they aren't used often."

"Oooh." Duo flinched.

"If you guys are done yapping," Captain Scot interrupted. "It's time to move out."

"Yes, sir." Duo and Heero saluted.

The 195th was positioned near the city center just in case the military failed to stop the robots. In the end, however, it turned out the extra caution was unnecessary as the army was more than capable of destroying their own robotic weapons. However, somebody had to clean up the mess…

"Damn it to hell and back!" Captain Scot raged. "Let the damned army clean up their own godforsaken mess!"

At 195 HQ, Chief Une (well aware of the blow being dealt to the tank police's pride but unable to disobey orders from the mayor's office) was on the phone with the crime lab.

"The DBO Fireworks Company? Are you certain?" she asked the tech on the other end. "We can't afford for there to be any mistake, Nichol."

"Yes there is no doubt." Nichol replied. "There is a distinct buildup of bacteria in the area where that factory is located and the residue combined with the moisture in the air at night creates a rather unique substance. We've noticed that it only appears near factories and in areas where the bacterial cloud is thickest. DBO is the only factory that is still located within that area."

"I see, thank you, Nichol. You've been a great help."

"Glad to be of assistance." And he hung up.

"Andy!" Une called over the intercom. "Tell dispatch…"

The would was quickly sent to Captain Scot and his squad who were more than happy to leave the cleanup effort to the other tank police divisions and the municipal waste company. They raced their tanks through the streets, sirens blaring hoping to make it to the building before any of the criminals had a chance to get away. The stunt they had pulled with the military robots made the situation all that more urgent; who knows what they would do next time.

We're gonna get 'em.Scot grinned to himself. We're gonna get the germaphobic bastards and make them pay for what they've done.

"We're approaching the factory, sir." Milliardo said. "What's the plan?"

"Have the large tanks surround the perimeter of the building. I want the spider tanks to climb onto the roof and get ready to rip it open and drop inside. Have the Bonaparte crews go inside and round up the rats."

"Yes sir."

Everyone was in position and Captain Scot was just about to give the order to attack when Chief Une's voice crackled over the radio. "Abort the operation at once and return to base!"

"What?! Chief, why?!!"

"Just do it, or I'll have your ass in a sling!"

When they returned to the station, the chief was waiting for them.

"All right, Chief. What gives?" Captain Scot growled.

"The tank police are off this case." Une stated tighly.

"Off the case?!! You can't take us off this case! Not now! Not when we're so close!"

"It wasn't up to me!" Une shouted. "I don't like it any more than you do, _captain_ but I don't have a choice; those are orders from the Vice Mayor."

"But why?!" Noin asked.

Une sighed and told them that the people responsible for the robot attacks also claim responsibility for the mayor's death. They are also claim to have kidnapped Tseratopolis and forced him to assist in the creation of the anti-bacterial bomb.

"Did they say why they did it?" Quatre inquired, quietly.

"They want to destroy the bacterial cloud." Une replied.

"That confirms it, they are completely nuts!" Duo threw up his hands in exasperation. "Everyone knows that humans can't survive on this planet without that cloud; we're all infected by the bacteria and the cloud is the only thing that keeps them from mutating into some sort of super virus! Why the hell would they do it."

"Blackmail apparently. They are demanding twenty million dollars in cash in one week. If they don't get the money or the tank police interferes in any way, then they will detonate the bomb." Nobody said anything for a while.

"Bastards!" Captain Scot roared suddenly, took out his gun, and shot six holes into the wall.

Once he had calmed down, he and the other officers went down to the Pit to try and come to grips with what just happened.

"Of all the dirty tricks." Someone groused.

"What can we do, though? Our hands are tied." Someone else said. "You heard what Une said, they'll blow up the bomb and kill us all if we try to do anything."

"No, they'll detonate it if the tank police do anything." Heero said, slyly.

"What are you saying?" Captain Scot asked, not sure where he was going with that statement.

"What we do off-duty is our own business, right?"

The assembled tank officers grinned wickedly. They couldn't do anything about the terrorists as tank officers but there was nothing stopping them from doing anything as a civilians.


	31. Secret Scramble

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Three: Secret Scramble

"The kind of connections you five have at your disposal scares me." Milliardo commented. Duo grinned at him.

"Aren't you glad we use our powers for good and not evil?"

"What about that thing with Une?"

"That was revenge. It doesn't count."

"If we had done this sooner we would've wrapped up this case by now." Captain Scot quipped.

"We'd also be unemployed." Quatre pointed out. "What we're doing is in violation of the rules."

"But if we pull it off, we'll be heroes!" Duo chirped.

"Unemployed heroes." Quatre muttered. "We'll get canned right after the parade."

"Must you be so negative, Q?"

"I'm not so sure you fully grasp the implications of what we're doing."

"Oh, but I know full well what we're doing." Duo smirked. "We're disobeying a direct order to not interfere, going above our superior's head without first going through proper channels, engaging in vigilante activities, involving non-police personnel in a highly sensitive operation, and hacking into private company files without government authorization. I'd say I understand perfectly."

"You're loving it, aren't you." Trowa said.

"Damn right I am!"

"I give up." Quatre sighed.

"Back to the matter at hand…" Heero coughed.

"Yes." Milliardo nodded. "What have we learned?"

It had been two days since the order for the police to, in essence, mind their own business. Somehow, though, they had managed to find many of the missing pieces in their investigation. Captain Scot attributed it to the fact that they were "doing real police work instead of nancing around filling out forms and filing reports." At the moment, they were using Trowa's house for their base of operations while they were off duty. If Catherine suspected they were up to something she didn't say; as far as she was concerned it was tank police business and, therefore, none of hers.

"My old co-workers from the Red Commandos were able to give me the rundown on the fireworks factory." Trowa said. "It's owned by the DBO Syndicate, the same company that did contractual work for the government until legislation was passed to stop the manufacture of weapons by private companies."

"I hacked into the city's databases with some help from an old buddy of mine from the army to see if I could get a blueprint of the building." Heero said. "It's built on top of an old military storage facility and could very easily be converted into a lab for manufacturing anything from lawn fertilizer to a hydrogen bomb."

"So you think DBO is behind the anti-bacterial bomb." Noin said.

"It's highly plausible, yes. One of Quatre's, father's business partners was able to tell us that last year DBO bought the old pharmaceutical company where we found those bomb components. They may have been using it as their main lab, but then moved to the fireworks factory when it looked like we were getting too close."

"That's a lot of speculation on our part though." Quatre said. "We need to be able to prove it, and the only way to do that is to get into that fireworks factory. They may have packed up and moved out of there already, but in their rush they may have left something behind."

"That sounds like a plan." Captain Scot nodded. "Anything else?"

"Yeah." Duo said. "We won't have access to the equipment at the station, so Wufei and I are going to see if we can't scare up a few things."

"I think I can give you a hand with that." Heero said. "I know a few people that have access to some military surplus."

"Great!" Duo grinned.

"While they do that," Noin suggested. "why don't we run surveillance on the building so we know how the place runs during the day, captain?"

"Good idea." Captain Scot agreed. "Winner, you andBarton stay here so we can relay information to you and vice versa. Also, give Sally a ring every half hour to find out what's going on at HQ. Hopefully Une still hasn't heard anything about this."

"Yes, sir." Quatre saluted.

Elsewhere, Vice Mayor Beckel and his staff were busy trying to quell the media uproar. Apparently many people were highly unnerved that, seemingly, nothing was being done to stop the terrorists.

"I assure you," Beckel stated. "that we are doing what is in the city's best interest. This is a highly delicate situation and we cannot afford to make any hasty actions."

"What assurance do you have that these people even _have_ a bomb?" one of the reporters asked. "How can you be confident that this isn't an elaborate scheme to blackmail the city of millions of dollars?"

"Before the tank police were removed from the case they had already been investigating the matter, and their findings show that an anti-bacterial bomb had at least been partially constructed."

"Then why remove them from the case?"

"At this time I am not at liberty to answer that question fully, I will say, however, that it was in everyone's best interest." The reporters immediately started firing out questions.

"Is it true that the mayor was killed because he had some kind of connection to the terrorists?" another reporter shouted above the clamor.

"I have no knowledge of any such thing so I cannot answer that question." Beckel said wearily. "I'm afraid that I don't have much time left to spend on this. So I'll take a few more questions…"

Relena, who had been standing near the doorway to the room during the press conference, sighed heavily. This whole affair was causing a huge amount of chaos and not even she had been safe from it; she had worked directly with the mayor _and_ her brother was a tank police officer. The reporters hadn't stopped haranguing her with questions she couldn't answer or caused her to have questions of her own. She needed to get away.

"But where…" she murmured. Suddenly, she frowned and reached into her purse pulling out a business card. "Sylvia."

Sylvia was sitting at her computer typing up her column for her newspaper when her phone rang. "Hello, Sylvia Noventa speaking…Relena! How's it going?"

"It's going all right." Relena said, sourly. "You must be the only reporter not at this press conference."

"Edward Neely is covering it instead. You sound upset, 'lena. What's wrong?"

"I'm not really sure myself. Everything is just so crazy around here. First the mayor is murdered, then these terrorists are threatening the city, and then my brother and his squad are taken off of the case. I've got way too many things to think about at once and I just need to get away somewhere."

"Sounds like what you need is a girls' day out!" Sylvia said cheerily. "I'll tell you what, tomorrow, after I drop off my column why don't I swing by your place and pick you up. We'll go shopping, spend some time at the spa, and then we can troll for men at the club. Sound good to you?" Relena chuckled.

"Sylvia, right now, being chased by wild boars would sound good to me."

"Oh come now, it can't be _that_ bad, can it?"

"No, you're right. It's not." Relena said, wryly. "It's worse."

"Then I'm glad you called me before you were driven completely insane."

"Thanks Sylvia, you're a lifesaver."

"Hey, what are friends for?"


	32. Interlude with the Colwells

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Four: Interlude with the Colwell's

Faline sat by her brother's bedside watching him sleep. His condition had improved quite a bit since he had learned that his little sister was safe and sound and mostly in one piece. She had been released back into tank police custody who, in turn, put her under the care of Quatre's father of all people. The reasoning being that nobody would think to look for her at the wealthy businessman's house as no one save for a few members of the tank police and the Colwell siblings, knew that Mr. Winner's only son was a tank police officer.

While at the estate, she had been treated like a member of the family. This was both very comforting and unnerving at the same time. Quatre's numerous sisters had insisted that she borrow whatever she liked out of their closets, and had even given her a few things; Faline wasn't sure if they were treating her like another sister or a charity case.

The housekeeper, gardener, butler, chauffer, and even the cook kept calling her 'Mistress Colwell' even though she has insisted they call her by her given name numerous times. She couldn't get her head around it. She wasn't rich, wasn't in any way part of high society, and her upbringing wasn't what one would call finishing school quality; nothing in her background warranted the title mistress in her mind.

Her parents had died when she was very young and she didn't remember them or the house she had lived in anymore. Peter and she didn't have any other relatives so, rather than get taken to an orphanage, they had escaped the social worker who had come to get them and into the city streets.

They lived in abandoned buildings. Peter would work during the day selling newspapers and washing cars after he took her to the library or the community center. While there, Faline learned to read and write as well as the basics of math and a few sciences. Peter had insisted she attend the workshops the community center had. "No need for both of us to be ignorant." He used to say.

Then, one day, Peter got to talking to a couple of men that hung around the local pool hall. They said that they'd give him real money to 'run errands' for them. To his credit, Peter didn't agree right away, but a month later when Faline got sick and he couldn't afford to take her to a doctor, he gave in.

Two years after that, he started his own gang. They were a band of petty thieves; picking pockets and busting up payphones. Faline was kept out of it all even when they were short-handed. Peter didn't want his only living relative going down the same dead-end path he had chosen. He got her a job working at a café; one of the guys he used to 'run errands' for had gone legit and become a cook there. Peter still 'ran errands' on occasion, and sometimes his clients were less than happy with his performance; the café was frequented by police officers, firemen and the like so Faline would be safe from them there.

When the whole business with Tseratopolis started, Faline never imagined she would end up staying with one of the most influential families in the city. She had no idea how to act and all those expensive things made her feel self-conscious.

What would they think of her if they found out about her past? Would they insist the police take her back und their custody? They didn't seem like the type of people to do that, but then again she didn't know them all that well.

Then there was her… infatuation with Quatre. Faline sighed heavily. When the heck had that happened?

He's a really sweet guy, but I don't know… Am I really in love with him or do I just think I am? We met under such strange circumstances…she grinned as she remembered his little tirade at the warehouse. He's really cute when he's angry or flustered. And he's so much fun to tease…a slight chuckle as the memory of the interrogation room surfaced. He turns the most interesting shades of pink and red.a giggle.

"Wha's so funny?" a sleepy voice inquired.

"Go back to sleep, Pete." Faline replied.

"Can't sleep, there's a lovesick fool laughin' in my ear."  Faline blushed at that and smacked him lightly on the arm.

"I am _not_ lovesick!"

"Oh please. Any idiot can see you've got the hots for somebody. Now out with it, who's the lucky guy?" Peter demanded.

"My, aren't we nosy today."

"I'm flat on my back in a hospital bed with nothing but talk shows and those stupid infomercials to watch."

"Oh, so I'm entertainment now?"

"If that'll get you to answer my question, sure. Why not."

"Fine, fine." Faline growled. "Do you remember the blonde tank officer?"

"The tall one with the long hair, or the short one that doesn't look like a cop?"

"The short one."

"Him?!"

"Yes, him. His name's Quatre."

"You could do worse I suppose…" Peter muttered.

"Are you saying you don't approve?"

"No…not really… It's just that, it seems like only yesterday you were learning to spell 'delicatessen' and now…"

"Oh God, you're starting to sound like a dad."

"Well, I did kind of raise you."

"Yeah… you did."

"Can't say I did a great job of it, though."

"Hey now, don't start that crap again. You did what you could."

"Did I really?" Peter asked. "I always felt like I could've done more, or that maybe I shouldn't have convinced you that we should run away from the social worker all those years ago."

"What's done is done." Faline muttered. "Anyway, even if we _had_ gone with her there was no guarantee that we'd be adopted or even that we'd stay together. Besides, you didn't "convince" me to do anything; I didn't want to go with her in the first place. She was taking us away from the only home we'd ever known."

"Not that either of us can _remember_ it."

"Look, enough with the doom and gloom. We can't change the past and the future is waiting for us. Besides, we had some good times. Remember when we snuck into the zoo after hours?"

"And you got so frustrated because you couldn't say 'hippopotamus'!"

"At least _I_ didn't insist on playing 'who can get who more wet' with the elephants."

"If you hadn't have turned off the hose I woulda won!"

"You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, don't you?" Faline laughed.

"Yeah, but I'll never stop saying it 'cause it makes ya smile."

There was knock at the door and the nurse came in with a tray of food and medicine.

"Visiting hours are almost over, hon." She said.

"Aaawww, c'mon Nurse Jennings!" Peter whined. "Can't she stay for dinner? I won't tell if you don't."

"Nothing doing, sweetheart. I know you, you'll somehow convince her to eat your food for you the moment I step out of this room."

"No I wouldn't…" Peter mumbled, looking everywhere but at Nurse Jennings.

"Mmm hmmm, I'll bet."

"Stop being a baby, Pete." Faline said, standing up to leave. "I'll be back tomorrow. Besides, Quatre's probably waiting for me outside." She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. "Be good and do what he nice nurse tells you." Peter made a face.

"Just a minute here. I'm the older sibling! Where do you get off telling me to 'be good'?" Peter huffed.

"By the simple fact that I can walk out of here and you have to stay in that bed and eat nasty hospital food."

"I'll get you my pretty." Peter mock-threatened. "And your little blonde sex toy too."

Faline turned bright red and rushed out of the room and was still blushing when she got outside.

"Faline, you're all red." Quatre observed. "Are you running a fever? Maybe we should go back inside and get you checked out."

"Oh! No! No, I'm fine!" Faline exclaimed hastily. I'm just suffering from a bad case of 'the hots'. Curse you Peter, I'll get you for this…


	33. Omake!

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: And the Fic Runs On

Relena: Kaori, this is the longest fanfiction you've ever written.

Kaori: Not true. The Quinze Film Festival and the MSTed joke series are way longer than this.

Relena: Okay, it's the longest fanfic you've ever written that actually had a plot, flimsy though it may be.

Wufei: Seriously. The only thing holding the plot together is a shoelace and Yuy's spandex shorts.

Heero: KAORI!!! STAY OUT OF MY LAUNDRY!!

Kaori: What are you so mad about? It's not like you wear those anymore.

Heero: They have…sentimental value.

Everyone else: oO

Heero: death glare

Everyone else: …meep.

Heero: Hn.

Trowa: Uh… anyway. Is this fic going to be over soon?

Kaori: I think so. It looks like it only has…maybe…nine more chapters in it, three at the very least. I have to admit, even I'm getting tired of it, and I really want to start writing that heroic fantasy I've been thinking about.

Duo: Heroic fantasy?

Kaori: Yeah, you know. A kingdom in peril, sorcerers, dragons, damsels in distress… all that good stuff.

Quatre: So why not get started on it?

Kaori: I haven't finished this one yet! I'm not ready to start writing another epic! The only thing I've done with it is a few character outlines and a rudimentary map of the world the fic takes place in.

Wufei: That's a lot more preparation than you did for this one. All you did for this fanfic was watch your Tank Police DVDs and a couple of action movies, and make a few notes.

Kaori: And I still have those notes. We've deviated so far from the original plotline it's scary.

Dorothy: Deviations? Like what?

Kaori: Well… Captain Scot was supposed to die around chapter fifteen…

Captain Scot: WHAT???

Kaori: …which would have resulted in Milliardo getting promoted to captain.

Milliardo: Hmm…

Kaori: And this whole debacle with the bomb was supposed to be a mad android's plot to rid the world of humans but then I couldn't think of a good villain's exposition for it.

Duo: Weird.

Kaori: Yeah, tell me about it.


	34. Nassau Chop Suey

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Five: Nassau Chop Suey

"Can you see what's going on in there?" Captain Scot asked.

"Not a thing, sir." Officer Noin sighed.

"Then get off my shoulders, yer heavy!"

It would appear that Noin and Scot had different ideas on what surveillance meant. Noin had thought that they would watch the building from a roof or something; the captain felt that peeping into windows was the way to go. However, the occupants of the building hadn't seen fit to have them cleaned and, to make matters worse, they were tinted.

"Sir, maybe we should conduct our observations from a less conspicuous position?" Noin suggested.

"What do you mean?" Captain Scot countered, already looking for a window they hadn't tried to peek through yet.

"It's just that, we _are_ in our civilian clothing and all. Someone might see us peeping in windows, think we were up to no good, call the police, get us hauled to a police station where we'll surely be recognized by somebody. Then they'll call Chief Une..."

"I see where you're going with this." The captain nodded. Noin sighed in relief. "It just means we'll have to get inside." Relief turned to horror.

Elsewhere, Mr. Evans and Dr. Simms were riding in a black sedan(1) through the downtown area.

"Everything is in place for the launch." Dr. Simms said to someone over the phone. "We'll launch the bomb as soon as we have an open window." A pause. "Tseratopolis is being taken care of as we speak." Another pause. "Yes sir. Goodbye sir." He placed the phone back in his pocket."

"Our watchdog I take it." Evans remarked dryly.

"Yes, he wanted a status report." Simms acknowledged, flippantly. "I'll be happy when this whole business is over. I intend to take the money I get from this and retire early. Maybe in Portugal."

"Portugal? Why there? Why not in the islands?"

"Wine and women my friend. Portugal happens to have the varieties I like."

"You are an interesting man, doctor."

"Really? Good. This world has enough boring individuals. I was worried I had become one of them. At any rate, what do you plan to do once you get your money?"

"Well, there's this girl I've been dating for about a year now. I think I'll ask her to marry me. We'll have a really big wedding and live the good life somewhere in the Caribbean."

"Hmmm. She won't mind that she'll be married to, for all intents and purposes, a terrorist?"

"She's _your_ cousin. You tell me." Dr. Simms laughed at that.

"Sir, I would just like to say that I object to this." Noin hissed.

"We're not on duty or in uniform; there's no reason for you to follow me."

"I couldn't let you come in here without backup! Lord only knows _what _you'll get up to."

At the moment this conversation is taking place, the two off-duty officers were crawling through the air ducts of the DBO Fireworks Company, Domino branch. Milliardo was waiting for them in his car with a radio; if they weren't back in an hour he was to contact Quatre and Trowa and get additional backup.

"Well if you insist on being here quit yer bitchin' and keep your ears open." Captain Scot whispered harshly. Noin grunted in reply.

Elsewhere in the building, a harried old man with shaggy white hair was being led through the corridors by two men in black suits. Absently, he wondered why it was always the men in black suits that come to get you. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember a time in his career when he hadn't been escorted by men in black suits. Of course, in those days the men in the black suits weren't interested in killing me.

"Walk faster." One of the suits ordered, giving him a slight shove.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" the older man grunted. "Are you that anxious to kill me?"

"Let him walk at his own pace, Sanderson." The other suit said. "It doesn't matter what time we off him."

"Whatever, Carter." Sanderson snorted.

The three soon stopped at a steel door. Carter unlocked it while Sanderson kept his hand firmly gripped onto the old man's shoulder. Once the door was opened Sanderson roughly shoved the captive inside.

"Get in there, old fart." He said.

Inside the room was split into two sections. The first was an observation area that was separated from the rest of the room by a wall. There was a large control panel situated in front of a wide, glass pane; there were four chairs next to the panel. On the far end of the room was another steel door.

Looking through the window, the old man could see a stark, white room with a metal floor. The only thing occupying it was a menacing-looking robot.

"What is that?" the old man demanded.

"That is the prototype model of combat robot that the company is developing." Sanderson replied easily. "Before we start mass producing them though, it has to be tested." He grinned wickedly. "You'll do nicely."

Back with Noin and the captain, the two were still crawling in the ventilation system.

"It's a maze in here! How are we supposed to find anything?" Noin whispered harshly.

"What did I say earlier about the bitching?" Captain Scot replied.

"I'm not bitching I'm stating a fact."

"What are you suggesting? That we get out of the vent and look around the place?"

"Yes." Was the exasperated reply.

"Fine. We'll get out at the next grate."

"Damn. He runs pretty damn fast for such an old man." Sanderson noted from where he sat behind the control panel. Carter was standing just to his right.

"Do you hear something?" he asked.

"Carter you've been hearing things for the last twenty minutes. It's just your imagination. Now relax and enjoy the show."

There was a loud bang and the grate in the ceiling fell to the floor right next to Carter.

"What the hell?!" Carter exclaimed and Officer Noin suddenly came crashing down on top of him, knocking him unconscious." Sanderson immediately whipped out his gun and trained it on her.

"Um... watch out below?" Noin tried. Two gunshots rang out and Sanderson fell over dead. The female tank officer looked up to see the captain hanging upside-down from the vent with his gun trained on Carter.

"Don't just sit there gawking at me, tie that one up with something before he comes around."

Once that chore was accomplished the two got down to the task of rescuing the old man who was still dodging the robot but showing signs of tiring.

"How do we shut this thing off?!" Noin cried, looking at the console in a panic.

"The same way we always do." Captain Scot said placidly, taking out his gun and shooting the console. It fizzled and then burst into flame. Unfortunately...

"Oh no! Sir! It's coming this way!"

"Well shit. Time to make a run for it."

"What about that old guy. We can't just leave him here!"

"You know, I hate when you're right."

The robot crashed through the glass and began shooting at the captain and Noin. They dodged the lasers while trying to reach the old man who was also heading towards them. The three met up in a corner of the room.

"Crap. We're cornered!" Captain Scot moaned.

"How are we going to get out of this mess?" Noin wondered. Her answer came when the wall next to them exploded in a shower of concrete followed by the unmistakable sound of lasers hitting metal.

When the trio opened their eyes they saw the robot had been blown to bits. Looking to their immediate left, they saw Milliardo was there along with Wufei, Heero, and a spider tank.

"It's been more than an hour." Milliardo quipped, smirking.

1) Yes folks, it's the clichéd black sedan from all the old gangster movies.


	35. Draft

A/N: Up to this point I had been writing the fanfic in a five subject notebook before typing it. I ran out of pages right after the last chapter and this is the only one that wasn't written in a notebook first hence the title of this chapter. Now for those of you wondering about the title of the last chapter, I just felt like being silly.

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Six: Draft

"Where the hell did you get this thing?!" Captain Scot demanded, jerking a thumb at the spider tank. "And who's driving?"

After making a hasty exit from the room, the group was making an expedient retreat from the newly exposed weapon factory.

"Actually, it's Duo's." Heero said. "And he's the one driving."

"_Duo's_?!" the captain parroted.

"Can we save this for after we get out of here?" Milliardo grunted. "We've got company in case you hadn't noticed."

True enough, as some very irate men in black suits had decided to make their escape from the factory as unpleasant as possible.

"I don't suppose any of you brought any extra guns?" Captain Scot asked.

"Sorry, sir." Sergeant Peacecraft grunted, firing a shot over his shoulder. "We didn't exactly run into an armory while we were busting through the walls."

"Who are you people?!" the old man yelled.

"Just some _really_ concerned citizens." Wufei replied. "Yo! Duo, we need an exit!"

"Been looking for one, Wu but no luck." Duo replied over the P.A. "Looks like I'm gonna have to make one..." and he blasted the nearest wall with a micro missile. "Go on ahead! I'll hold off the James Bond movie rejects."

"You don't need to tell me twice." Noin muttered, shoving the old man ahead of her. "If I had known I would be spending most of today running for my life I would've eaten a bigger breakfast."

"What did I say about the bitching?" Captain Scot yelled at her.

More walls were blasted down as the tank officers and the old man desperately tried to escape the building.

"I'm surprised they haven't called the police yet." Wufei muttered.

"Be grateful." Milliardo said. "They probably don't want anyone finding out what they're really up to in here."

"Of course, that _is_ why they are trying to kill us." Noin added, dryly. "Why didn't we just go out the way you guys came in?"

"We came in through the service elevator and Duo had to blow it up to keep some angry suits from following us." Heero replied as Duo blew up another wall. "Hey watch it, you almost hit us!"

"Sorry!" Duo yelled.

"Hey this hole goes outside!" Noin cheered.

"Right. Climb on you guys, we can get away from here faster if you ride on my tank."

"Wait a second Duo, open up and let the old guy ride with you." Milliardo said.

"Okay, but it's going to be a tight fit."

Duo ended up having to make the hole in the wall bigger to avoid scraping anyone off by accident and they were soon speeding away from the facility; the suits yelling ineffectual curses at the retreating vehicle. They drove around back alleys and side streets to make sure they weren't followed before Duo drove them back to Trowa's house. Quatre was waiting for them as Duo had radioed ahead before they arrived.

"Everybody off, I gotta go park this thing out back." Duo said, as the others shakily clambered off.

"I never want to ride on the outside of a tank again." Wufei moaned.

"Especially not one Duo's driving." Heero agreed.

When they got inside, Trowa was waiting in the kitchen with Catherine. Sometime while they were gone she had come home.

"Who's the old guy?" she asked.

"Oh, this is..." Captain Scot blinked and then turned to the old man. "I'm sorry I don't think I got your name."

"We didn't exactly have time to exchange pleasantries." The elderly man grunted. "Although I'm surprised you don't recognize me. I'm Dr. Hyrum Tseratopolis."

"You know, I thought you looked familiar but I wasn't really sure since we were so busy running for our lives and such."

"Indeed. And just who are you people?"

"Well I suppose there's no harm in telling you, we're tank police officers."

"You're what!! Oh no this is not good!" Tseratopolis panicked. "I thought you weren't supposed to interfere! They said they'd detonate the bomb if the tank police interfered....well they are going to do it anyway, but if they do it now thousands of people will die!"

"Woah woah slow down." Wufei said, ushering the distraught man to the sofa. "What do you mean?"

"You already know they had me build a bomb, correct?"

"Yes." Noin confirmed. "A bacteria eradicating one."

"Ah, so you were able to find out much were you, but do you have any idea why?"

"No, we've been trying to figure that out for months. Can you enlighten us?" Heero asked.

"It's a test." Dr. Tseratopolis spat bitterly. "The scientists at DBO think they have a serum that can remove the accumulated toxins in our bodies, returning mankind to a state similar to the way it was before the bacterial cloud. However, if it is administered now people would get sick and die because those toxins make us immune to the effects of the cloud so it would have to be removed first. That's where the bomb comes in."

"So wait, they want to remove the cloud from the city so they can test some serum?!" Quatre exclaimed. Tseratopolis nodded, ruefully.

"They were going to administer it to the populace once the cloud was gone. Of course, it would only be a temporary version since the cloud would return in a matter of years, but that's more than enough time to see if the serum worked and then give everyone a permanent version. The only problem was how to remove city-sized section of the cloud? They had a way but no means to execute it."

"Which is why they kidnapped you." Milliardo surmised.

"Exactly. I was to build a version of a bomb I had designed for the military, only the payload would be an anti-bacterial solution developed by DBO."

"You said thousands would die if they detonated it." Duo pointed out.

"Now yes. You see, in order for it to work it has to be launched into the cloud and detonated once inside of it. Right now that bomb is somewhere inside the city."

"Damn." Catherine breathed.

"Do you know where they took it?" Captain Scot asked.

"Unfortunately I don't and the head men have probably been contacted about you rescuing me." Tseratopolis said grimly. "We probably have a bit of time, though. In order to keep it from detonating too soon the timer on the bomb is programmed not to detonate until the bomb itself has traveled a distance equal to at least thirty-thousand miles."

"So they would have to send the bomb thirty-thousand miles from wherever they were going to launch it from in order for it to explode?"

"Yes."

"Heero, do you think you can hack into the DBO database and see if they own any airfields or aerospace companies either in or near this city?"

"I'm on it." Heero saluted, sitting down at the laptop.

"Noin, get a hold of Une and tell her to somehow get the Vice Mayor to evacuate everyone to the underground shelters. If we can't find that thing at least we'll know that the citizens are safe."

"Right." Noin replied, going into the next room.

"What do you want the rest of us to do, captain?" Milliardo asked.

"We'll wait and see if what the word is from Une and we'll take it from there." Captain Scot said.


	36. Makes You Want to Scream

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Makes You Want to Scream

Chief Une was going through a stack of reports when Andy buzzed her on the intercom. "Um...ma'am...Officer erm...Officer Noin is on line three...it's....urgent." he stammered

"Put her through." Une said, wondering why the young man was so nervous. "Une here."

"Chief Une, ma'am... I ummm.... Are you sitting down?"

"Yes..." was the suspicious reply. "Why?" Noin explained the situation and the chief exploded with rage.

"YOU IDIOTS!!! YOU BLITHERING IDIOTS!! IF IT WEREN'T AGAINST THE LAW I'D KILL YOU ALL!!!"

"Chief Une... ma'am. Please, remember your blood pressure..."

"SCREW MY BLOOD PRESSURE!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU _THINKING_!!!"

Noin held the receiver away from her ear as Une screamed obscenities at her. While the female tank officer took the verbal abuse alone, Duo was telling Trowa, Catherine, and Quatre about the escapade at the fireworks factory.

"Which reminds me," Captain Scot. "you _still_ haven't explained the tank."

"Heero already told you, it's mine." Duo replied.

"Last time I checked your tank doesn't have two medium grade laser cannons mounted on the sides." Sergeant Peacecraft pointed out.

"The tank you guys _assigned_ me at _this_ precinct doesn't. _My_ tank does."

"Are you telling us that the tank parked out back is from the 113th?!" Quatre gaped. "They let you keep it?! Isn't that illegal?"

"You're not listening." Duo grinned. "It doesn't belong to the 113th it belongs to me."

"Okay, that does it." Catherine rubbed her temples. "I want to hear the whole story." Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Hmm...where to start? Ah, well, you all know I was pretty much raised in the 113th's HQ. My dad ran the division's chop shop, basically taking apart old machines and making new equipment. Well, one day Captain Mair brings in this scrap heap of a spider tank; some rookie had totaled it on their first day. My dad looks at me and he says, 'What do you think?' I looked him right in the eye and tell him that we can rebuild it even better than it was before. The captain laughed at me and told me that if I could do it he'd let me keep it. He didn't believe that machine could be salvaged but I told him that I could do it in a year. It took me seven and a half months to repair it, and two and a half months to learn how to operate it properly, but I did it. That tank's not in the tank police registered database but it _is_ registered as a civilian vehicle. I can drive it anywhere as long as I remove the firing mechanism for the canons."

"Do you? Drive it I mean?" asked Quatre.

"Nah, it's no fun if you can't blow something up." Just then, Noin joined the group, face ashen.

"Well?" Captain Scot prompted.

"Une wants us at HQ..._now_." Replied Noin.

"Oh hell..."

They expected to be yelled at. They expected to be threatened with death, torture, and pay cuts. They didn't expect Chief Une to leap onto Captain Scot the minute he walked through the door and strangle him.

"You never listen to me!" Chief Une raged, punctuating each word by slamming the captain's head into the wall. "We are going to die because you...never....listen....to...me!!"

"Chief Une! Control yourself!" Relena ordered. She and Vice Mayor Beckel (who was too busy being stunned by the chief's display) had been called in to be briefed on the situation at hand. "I understand your frustration but this is not helping anyone! Release the captain at once!"

"Er... yeah...what she said..." mumbled the vice mayor. Chief Une gave an exasperated sigh and removed her hands from Captain Scot's neck. Said captain fell to the floor, gasping for breath.

"Are you okay, sir?" Milliardo inquired.

"She was...actually trying to...kill me!" wheezed Captain Scot. "My God...she was trying to _kill_ me."

"Thanks to you we're _all_ going to die!" Chief Une snapped making to strangle him again; she was restrained by two tank officers. "Let me go! It's justifiable homicide!!!"

Quatre, furrowed his brow for a few moments before coming to a decision. Purposefully he strode over to the struggling woman, looked her straight in the eyes, and slapped her. Stunned silence filled the room. The two officers that had been restraining her backed off quickly. Slowly, the tank police chief brought her hand up and lightly touched her cheek.

"Thank you, I needed that." Une said absently. "Dr. Tsertatopolis?" The retired scientist fidgeted, not sure it was safe to answer.

"Er...yes?" he stammered.

"Tell us everything you know about that bomb you helped build. Mr. Vice Mayor?"

"Yes?" Beckel murmered.

"I need you to lock down the city and have everyone evacuated to the underground shelters. Those guys will want to leave the city before they do anything else and I want to catch them when they try."

Elsewhere, Dr. Simms and Mr. Evans had already heard about the incident at the fireworks factory and were preparing to make good on their threat.

"We can still make our escape with the money." Dr. Simms said. "They don't know who we are and they don't know where we are."

"What about the bomb?" asked Evans.

"I'm rewiring the bomb and turning the failsafe device into a timer. I'm going to take the activating remote with us as a precaution. It will make a nice bargaining chip. Now, go get Mesor and tell him to bring the car around. We have a plane to catch."

Back at the 195th's headquarters, Dr. Tseratopolis had finished his explanation.

"Is there any way to find that thing?" Vice Mayor Beckel asked.

"Not until it's active." Replied Tseratopolis. "And given that they know the tank police has me in their custody they may alter the bomb in some way so that they don't have to launch it."

"But they won't be stupid enough to detonate it while they are still in the city so naturally they'll try to escape." Chief Une pointed out.

"That is a very big assumption, chief." The vice mayor pointed out.

"It's not an assumption, it's a fact. The doctor here has given us a great deal of insight into the minds of the people he was working for, and they don't seem like the suicidal type." There was a knock at the door. "Enter." Andy poked his head in.

"The city has been successfully locked down, although evacuation is still going on. Vehicles have been restricted to police and military only." He reported.

"Very good." The vice mayor nodded. "Send this order to all divisions within the city limits: patrol all airports, seaports, and make sure nobody accesses the subway system until further notice. No one except the police and the military are to be allowed on the streets, and absolutely no one may leave the city limits until the all clear is given."

"Yes sir." Saluted Andy and left.

"God help us if this doesn't work..."


	37. Omake!

Tank Police Division 195

Omake Chapter: KoombayaHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Milliardo: Good God...

Heero: What on Earth is she _on_?!

Une: Whatever it is I want some of it.

Trowa: strumming a guitar Well, this is kind of nice...

Wufei: Traitor!

The cast of TPD195 is riding out hurricane Frances in Kaori's house. Kaori is beaming as she sways to the music; she's been forcing everybody to sing campfire songs for the past three hours.

Kaori: Feel the love!

Wufei: Onna! This is idiotic!

Kaori: scary flip-mode glare I SAID FELL THE LOVE, DAMMIT!!

Wufei: 0.0 Okay! Okay!

Kaori: all happy and smiling again Gooooood...

Relena: to Quatre Do you think she's been exposed to the ZERO system?

Quatre: I doubt it. Maybe she's on drugs.

Duo: Nah. It's the tedium of riding out a hurricane with nothing to do.

Heero: What about her laptop?

Duo: Batteries drained.

Dorothy: Her GBA?

Duo: That's out of juice too. We may as well just deal with it. After all, it could be worse, she could be playing "let's see how many knives I can randomly throw in this dark room before I kill somebody."

Wufei: If she makes us sing "Koombaya" one more time I'm out of here.

Quatre: Where are you going to go? The wind is blowing at 140 miles per hour out there.

Wufei: I don't care!

Sally: singing under her breath Wu's a grouch, m'Lord...koombaya...

Wufei: Onna...

Duo: grinning Wu's a grouch, m'Lord...koombaya!

Wufei: Maxwell... I'm warning you...

Andy: snickers Wu's a grouch m'Lord...koombaya...

Wufei: Don't make me come over there...

Sally, Duo, Andy: Oooohhhh La-ord!

Koombaya!

Wufei: DIE!!! lunges at the three of them

Kaori: clonks Wufei with a tambo THERE WILL BE NO KILLING TODAY!!!!!

Wufei: ...aiyaaa.... faints

Kaori: smiling and happy again Let's sing some more!


	38. Tension

A/N: When I typed out chapter 27 of this story it was drastically different from what was written down in my notebook, so much so in fact that I had to re-write chapter 28 (which I had written down at the same time as the original chapter 27). Personally, I like this version better.

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Tension

"Ma'am! Ma'am!" one of the dispatchers said. "We've got a call in from the 190th about a suspicious vehicle heading into our area. A black sedan with civilian plates, license number 458722; three males are in the vehicle."

"All right, that's got to be them." Chief Une nodded tersely. "Send the orders to mobilize to the Pit."

Downstairs, the dispatcher's voice was barely heard over the clamor of men scurrying into their tanks, motors warming up, and Captain Scot barking orders. This was it.

If we make it through this mess,Captain Scot prayed. I promise to do my paperwork...Eventually.Out loud he said, "Green Squad will consist of Williamson, Davis, Kilmer, Kilborne, Edwards, Price, Lyons, and Riley; Price will lead. Red Squad: myself, Noin, Peacecraft, Chang, Barton, Winner, Yuy, and Maxwell. Red Squad will attempt to catch up to and pursue the sedan. Green Squad will set up a road block at coordinates to be determined once we've caught up with that car. The rest of you will stay behind just in case this one is a decoy. Let's show these bastards that they can't mess with our city! Move out!"

As he was getting into the tank special, Captain Scot noticed Duo was getting into his souped-up spider tank. Duo shrugged at him.

"You never know." He said. The captain nodded and then got into his tank and shut the hatch.

Chief Une watched from the window as the convoy of tanks raced out onto the streets. Relena put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry."

"I've been at the tank police for twenty years now; I don't think I could be calm if I wanted to." Une groused.

Out on the streets, the tank officers were feeling just as tense. "Dispatch," Captain Scot barked into his transmitter. "where's that car?"

"Three miles northeast of your current position." Said the dispatcher. "We've managed to get a satellite uplink and we're tracking it that way."

"Good, don't loose it. It sounds like they're heading for the old airport. They might have a plane waiting." The captain mused, then got back on the radio "Green Squad, take the highway there and don't spare the gas. I want you to try and get there before they do and disable their aircraft."

"Roger that." Green Squad's leader, Officer Price responded.

"Red Squad, we'll continue on as planned and try to stop that car before it gets to the airport."

"What if we can't stop it?" Trowa asked, quietly.

"If that happens we'll figure something out." Bit out the captain.

Unaware of the tactics set against them by the tank police, Simms, Evans and Mesor drove towards the airport. It wasn't until Mesor glanced at the rearview mirror that he noticed that they were being followed.

"Damn!" he cursed "It's the tank police!"

"Let's not panic." Dr. Simms said languidly. "Try to outrun them."

"And if we can't?"

"Then we have no choice but to initiate Plan B. Personally I'd rather die than be caught by those barbarians." Mesor glanced back at him warily but said nothing.

"They're actually going to try and outrun us?" Heero blinked in surprise.

"I'm not surprised, considering." Shrugged Quatre.

"Well, there's no way they can escape us." Captain Scot said adamantly. "We're the tank police, we always get our man!"

"Sir, that's the Mounties." Noin corrected.

"Doesn't make it any less true." Milliardo snickered.

"You're actually taking his side?!"

"This was an argument?"

"Hey, hey! We've got work to do, there will be plenty of time for ass-hattery later!" barked the captain.

"Promise?" Heero asked, mock-hopefully.

"Providing the Chief doesn't kill us, yes. Prepare for maneuvers, we're gonna try and box in these jokers. Maxwell, Yuy, you boys lead off."

"Roger." They all replied.

Evans looked over his shoulder. "It looks like they're going to try and box us in. Mesor, turn off at the next side street." The car did a sharp seventy degree turn into a rather narrow, one way street.

"Damn, they must have figured out what we were planning." Milliardo growled. "What do we do now, captain?"

"We'll split up and try to cut them off another way. Dispatch, I need you to link the satellite tracking feed into my monitor here. Yuy and Maxwell go after them, the rest of us will figure out a way to block 'em off."

"Right, I'll take the high road." Duo smirked, using the special legs of the spider tank to scale a nearby building.

"And I'll take the low road." Heero nodded, going taking the same side street the sedan had.

"And we'll catch up to the bad guys before ya!" they both chorused.

"Sometimes I wonder about those two." Wufei said.

"Only sometimes?" Quatre raised an eyebrow.

"Did we lose them?" Simms asked.

"One of them is still following us." Mesor said, glancing at the rearview mirror again and seeing Heero's tank.

"Well loose him!" Dr. Simms growled, testily.

"I'll try."

"Don't try, do it!"

Mesor desperately tried to shake Officer Yuy of his tail but to no avail. The tank police officer would not be deterred. He zigzagged through the empty streets, unhindered by traffic that normally populated it. His efforts were all in vain and became even more so when Duo decided to join in and jumped his tank off of a roof and onto the sedan. The occupants of the car screamed as Mesor lost control from surprise. Both vehicles slammed into a nearby grocery store, but only the sedan was crippled. Duo's tank only suffered a minor dent.

"Nice." Heero commented as Duo's tank stepped away from the car. Captain Scot and the others arrived on the scene shortly afterwards. "Hey, you're just in time, we're about to get to the slimy filling." Three dazed men tumbled out of the car; one of them was wearing a lab coat.

"Stand up slowly and keep your hands where we can see them." Called the captain from his tank. Two of the men did as they were told, the man in the lab coat however, suddenly bolted. "Stop him!"

BOOM! An explosion of brick and mortar sprayed up in front of the fleeing scientist. All eyes slowly turned towards the smoking turret of the spider tank, its darker-haired occupants turned to the slightly smaller blonde one.

"What? It worked, didn't it?" Quatre quipped.

"I knew there was a psycho in you somewhere." Duo laughed darkly.

"You may have caught us, but its too late now." The scientist said, half coughing and half chuckling. "The bomb is active. We have half an hour before it flattens and sterilizes this entire city." The chuckling stopped as he gave in to a coughing fit.

"I suggest you give him an anti-bacterial mask." The taller of the other two men said. "He can't breathe without it."

"What?" Captain Scot frowned.

"You idiots, he's _perfectly_ healthy." The third man snorted. "His body doesn't contain the bacterial immunity ours do anymore; he can't breathe the air without a mask." Noin got out of the tank and placed what looked like a gas mask on the coughing man; the coughing soon subsided.

"I thank you, but don't think I'll tell you where the bomb is." Glared the scientist.

"You won't have to, Dr. Simms." Sergeant Peacecraft said. "Yes, we know who you are. You may be a brilliant chemist but you're not especially knowledgeable when it comes to missiles and bombs."

"What are you implying?"

"For a guy with a PhD you're not very clever." Trowa snorted. "Your bomb contains a rather sizeable amount of a radioactive compound. Activating the bomb just makes it easier to find."

"You'll never get there in time!" scoffed Dr. Simms.

"Maybe not, but we're damn well going to try." Quatre glared.


	39. We Can Be Heroes

Tank Police Division 195

Chapter Twenty-Nine: We Can Be Heroes

Immediately after the bomb was activated a blip showed up on the large screen of the tank police's emergency response center.

"Isn't that..." Vice Mayor Beckel started to say.

"City Hall? Yep." Officer Sally Po replied from her console. "Red Squad this is Ant Farm, what's your status?"

"We've got the D.B.O slime balls in custody and we're on 68th Avenue heading towards you." Captain Scot responded.

"They'll never get there in time!" wailed the Vice Mayor. "We're all doomed! The city will become a pile of ash and now I'll never get to run for mayor!" He was largely ignored.

"If we took the roads no, we wouldn't." agreed the captain. "But if we went through the buildings we could get there in ten minutes.

"ARE YOU INSANE!? I FORBID IT! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DEMOLISH HALF THE CITY ON A FOOL'S ERRAND!" Beckel screamed.

"Do it." Was Une's cool response.

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??!!"

"Mr. Vice Mayor, which would you rather lose: a few city blocks or an entire city?" The government official gaped at her. "I thought so. Captain, proceed."

"Even if they get to City Hall in the next ten minutes they'll never find that bomb in time!" floundered Beckel. Chief Une didn't respond, but kept her eyes fixated on the emergency screen.

Since they couldn't very well drop their prisoners off anywhere, Captain Scot decided to lash the three of them to the back of the tank special. It was in the lead, being the largest and heaviest of the four. Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa folloes behind it in their Bonaparte, while Heero and Duo opted to jump their spiders over the rooftops of the adjacent buildings.

"Can we go through that building next?" Wufei asked the captain.

"The brownstone or the bar next to it?" inquired Captain Scot.

"The bar."

"Any particular reason?"

"I need a reason?"

"You owe them money, don't you." Heero said, deadpan. There was a pause from Wufei before he responded.

"...yes." There was an uproar of laughter from everyone else.

"Heh. Sure, why not!" chortled the captain. "I'm just sorry we don't have time to grab a couple of beers before we do."

Dust, mortar, and cement piled up in their wake as the tanks crashed through the buildings like a wrecking ball, determined to reach their destination before time ran out.

"You do realize," Duo pointed out. "that if we don't make it in time we'll either get caught in the explosion or crushed by falling buildings?"

"And even if we do make it there, we won't have time to search the building and get blown up anyway." Trowa added.

"_And_, if we do somehow manage to stop the explosion, the Chief will probably kill us." Noin pointed out.

"My, aren't we morbid today." Captain Scot growled. "Whatever happened to all that bravado you had a few minutes ago?"

"That was before we realized that we're gonna die no matter what we do." Mumbled Quatre.

The banter continued right until they arrived at ground zero: City Hall.

"How are we doing for time?" the captain asked.

"We've got approximately six minutes and thirty-five seconds before the bomb goes off." Replied Milliardo. "What do we do, captain?"

"We don't have time to find it so we'll just have to bury it. You may not be able to _fight_ City Hall but we can blow it up!" Captain Scot surveyed the building. "Listen closely, Target the main structural points with the explosive shells. Maxwell, use those cannons of yours at maximum output and blast away the foundation. On my mark." The tanks got into firing position.

"Five minutes, captain." Noin said.

"Ready...aim...fire!"

It was he longest five minutes of their lives. So much depended on their success: the future of the city, the fate of its citizens, their own lives. Below ground, the residents of Domino city huddled in the dimly lit bunkers waiting for a sign, any sign, that it was over. And then, it came...

"What...was...that?" the startled Vice Mayor gasped. "An earthquake?" The entire building had shook from foundation to roof, startling all inside and knocking down anyone who hadn't been sitting at the time.

"I'd think that would be obvious." Dr. Tseratopolis muttered, extracting himself from under a desk. "That was a shockwave, and since this isn't an earthquake zone..."

"...the bomb went off." Une concluded. "And since the building is still intact, it would appear that the crisis has been averted. Officer Po, contact Red Squad."

"I'll try, ma'am." Sally nodded, adjusting her headset. "Ant Farm to Red Squad, come in Captain Scot. Do you read me? Over." Static. Sally waited a few more seconds before trying again. "Ant Farm to Red Leader, come in please." More static. The room's occupants exchanged worried looks.

"See if you can contact the other tanks." The Chief said, stiffly.

"This is 195 Headquarters calling any member of Red Squad. If you can hear this please answer, you're scaring people!" Static and then...

"Re...kssshhhh....we.....ksshhhh."

"Red Squad, please repeat transmission." Sally urged.

"Red Squad to Headquarters this is Officer Yuy. We couldn't hear you before because the dust in the air is messing with the radio signal. I've only just managed to adjust mine." A collective cheer went up at the emergency center. Chief Une motioned for everyone to quiet down.

"Status report, Officer Yuy." She demanded.

"The tanks are half buried in rubble, and the captain is making the suspects dig them out." In the background those assembled could just hear the good captain yelling things like, "dig faster" or "put your backs into it."

"And...the city?" prompted the Vice Mayor.

"Ummm.... You may want to call for some architects to start designing the new City Hall, and maybe some bulldozers to clear out all the buildings we had to plow through..." Vice Mayor Beckel wept.

Over at ground zero, the heroes of the day sat on top of their tanks and watched their captain bark at their prisoners. Quare turned to his fellow officers.

"You know something."

"Wassat?" Duo drawled.

"I think I finally get why you guys pull the stunts you do."

"Do go on." Trowa said, smirking.

"It's fun. It's actually a hell of a lot of fun."

"It is, isn't it?" Noin sighed, wistfully. "Sooo...do you think we'll get fired?"

"Depends." Milliardo replied blandly.

"On what?" asked Wufei.

"On whether or not Chief Une's feeling homicidal. After all, you can't fire a corpse." Heero raised an eyebrow.

"You make it sound like she'd actually leave something to bury."

"Damn. You have a point."


	40. Epilogue

Tank Police Division 195

Epilogue

As it turns out, they weren't fired and they didn't get murdered by Chief Une. However, you can't get away with disobeying orders even if you did save most of the city, so Captain Scot and his crew were all put on traffic duty for six months.

...a month later they were back in their tanks due to an incident involving Officers Barton, Yuy, and Chang, a pizza delivery boy, four nuns, and a septic truck.

Officer Winner and Faline Colwell are currently seeing each other on a regular basis. Quatre's sisters are already making wedding plans...God help them both.

Officer Maxwell is currently having talks with the government's research and development team. They plan to mass produce his modified spider and put them to use in the tank police.

Chief Une is less stressed out with the absence of the former mayor. Apparently bureaucratic pressure causes severe crankiness. Rumor has it she is being promoted to Police Commissioner.

Captain Scot had been offered the position of Chief of Police at the 195th but he declined saying that desk work was too boring for him and he hated meetings.

Sergeant Peacecraft also declined promotion. "Someone has to keep the captain out of trouble." He shrugged.

Officer Noin did not decline her promotion to Lieutenant as it had no affect on her keeping an eye on her captain and favorite partner.

Relena is running for mayor and has already making plans for creating outreach programs for orphans and runaways. She is being assisted by Peter Colwell.

Dorothy, Catherine, and Hilde are still getting into trouble every day. Hilde is becoming less concerned about it.

Andy still runs errands for Chief Une, but now he does it on his new motorcycle and with a larger paycheck.

Dr. Tseratopolis rebuilt his bookstore and is writing his memoirs when he isn't running the store. His latest adventures should put it on the best seller list.

D.BO. was put under heavy investigation and a trial is pending for its executives, project leaders, and some of the bigger shareholders. It is expected that the company itself will be dismantled.

Dominio City proper is slowly returning to normal, as people return to their lives and homes. It will be some time before it fully recovers, but some things never change despite the conditions...

KABOOM!!

"Chang! Winner! Barton!!!"

...and maybe it's just as well.

Owari

_Just fallin' love_

_Maybe before we were born_

_Take up with you_

_Looking down from a star far away_

Just Fallin' Love ikutsu mono setsunai yoru no nakade

Ending Theme, Dominion Tank Police


End file.
